so fortunate

I am.

I have written about it before.

I am so lucky to have:

a family that is healthy
a family that is beautiful
a family that loves one another, and in turn loves me
friends with which to share life
friends to share my family
life to live

tonight we had some friends and some family over. It was a mixed reason for sure. Some family needed to forget what they are going through, and just dive into that forgetfulness. Some friends needed to continue the bond of friendship with us. I love these friends. I love the bond they are forming with us. I love the family members. I love that we can just be.

It was a good night. One of many in the days to come with the spring and the summer rapidly decending on us.

I wish there was more time to just be.

vriendin

I have a very dear one of these .... she's Dutch. And that word means friend in Dutch. :o)

My vriendin, Fransie, has sent love a long way across the ocean. She has shared her traditions with my family.

A package arrived today, full of beautiful, delicate, warm-up-your-home-and-heart, spring colored decorated items to be hung on Easter branches in my house. The same kinds of decorations that she has in her home right now. I now have them here .... ready to brighten the room, the air, and the spirit for Easter.

All the way from Holland. :O)

This vriendin, is a true gem. She is one of the neatest ladies I have ever met. She is kind, and giving, and a wonderful addition to my life.

Thanks, vriendin, we loved the surprise gift of love! I promise a picture of the gifts ....

*smooch*

;o)

Monday, Monday

Have you ever felt like you were looking in on your life at yourself, and you were someone new?

I had that experience today. I am one of the room moms for my little gal's (who is feeling better, a little upset tummy still, but no vomitting) Kindergarten class, and we had K registration today for incoming students. I was asked to be there for the event, and greet/socialize to make the new moms and dads feel welcome to the school.

As I stood there, I was "lifted up" and looked down and myself, and my friends that were there. I was in the middle of recalling me there as a new mom with C, and then with K the next year, and for some odd reason, I was looking in on that as an outsider. As if it was happening to someone else, and I didn't live it. It was familiar, but not closely. It wasn't a long period of time that passed, but it was long enough for me to think I was dreaming the whole thing. It was surreal.

I cannot grasp the fact that my kids are now another year older. 1st grade? 2nd grade? What happened?

I was reading a freinds blog and she was commenting on the fact that she has turned a pivotal corner, and has the "right to enjoy being a mum". Hmmm ... is that an amazing statement? She watched a show, and learned that it is a right to do just that - find joy with being a mum. I so agree. I always have, and truthfully, pride myself in the fact that I wholeheartedly jump into motherhood - I think I was destined to be where I am right now. But enjoying it of late has been challenging. The have to's, the need to's, the sibling stress, the growing family stresses, the busy schedules.... on and on. It's not the kids I don't enjoy, it's the superfluous stuff that has attached itself to the weight of the fun of it, and brought it tumbling down. I will heed that advice she has, I will. I will enjoy the title, the responsibility, the beauty, the love, the time, and the schedule. It is life after all, and we will get what we put into it.

My kids are wonderful little people. They are so fun to be around, they ooze personality. They attract people that want to be with them, they make friends easily, they are polite, they are social creatures, and they are terrific. I am proud. A pride that bursts everyday. I need to remember that, and like that friend said, appreciate when a compliment is thrown your way about how "well-behaved your kids are". Say thanks, not "heh. you should see them at home!"

K is certainly tapping into her independence, and flexing her 'tude muscles - well, darnit, I taught her that. I should revel in the fact that she listened. I need to contain the 'tude here and there, for sure, but for the most part, she is woman - hear her roar. She is proud, and loving, and tender with her brother. She is the other woman of the house here, and she takes her position seriously.

C is energetic, and fun-loving, and silly, with a spirit that is unbridled. He is un-pissoffable. He is happy to be alive, and shows it everyday. He thinks that life consists of hockey, pb&j or pb&fluff, hockey, strawberry milk, mac&cheese, hockey, baseball, basketball, hockey, reading, PlayStation and hockey. He can cross the line, and flex his muscles too, generally with me. Dang it, taught him too, I should revel in that, too.

I want to be around them, I love having them as my companions, and my kids. I love that we are a family with the inner strength to be unafraid to live. I love that we are a bonded union, one with similar goals, and aspirations. I love that together, we enjoy one another.

I need to enjoy more, though. Much more.

I don't think this is a burden. In fact, I am anxious to start. :o)

But C & S are at a Bruins Game, and K is sound asleep upstairs. So, off I am to write my goals for tomorrow and I will begin with :

Enjoy.

BoBo

The dog that makes you go hmmmmmmmmm .......

So, we're dog-sitting for my dear old uncle who is in Virginia training for a really cool new intell position with the government, and his little friend, BoBo, is with us for the weekend.

Beautiful dog, appears to have a sweet disposition, adorable face, short in stature, and quite colorful. He's 18 months, and a Cocker Spaniel. Brown and off white, with some beige on his backside. It looks like he has a pair of cowboy chaps on the back legs, and he is fluffy, and very soft. His tuft of hair at the top of his head looks like a mohawk, and quite frankly, doesn't "fit" his personality. He is quivery, and jumpy, and very tentative ..... and nervous with kids, and that ultimately makes him untrustworthy to me.

He is very different from our two. Ours are the bomb. They are funny, fun, silly, and friendly. Sometimes TOO friendly, but ever the cool doggies, with personality PLUS. Adore, and I mean to the "inth degree" adore people, especially little people. Even our Cocker, she is not quivery, or nervous. She is bundles of energy, and friendly; the lab is kind, and gentle, and so fun. He is not smart, but that makes him so lovable, just the same. Never once showed a single ounce of aggression. He has been 120 lbs in his lifetime, and now stands a lean, dieted and exercised 85lbs.

BoBo has growled at 4 kids so far.

Since yesterday at 12:00PM. :o(

I have a hard time trusting him because of that, and I keep him close when there are kids around. My two he is fine with, as I think he has adjusted to their presence. He settles down with other kids ultimately, but initially, he is not comfortable, and that shows. Therefore, neither am I. And that bothers me. Especially because my two kids are ultratrusting when it comes to dogs. They know the rules, of course, ask the owner if you may pet the dog, lead with your hand, and let them sniff, then as the dog greets you, you then respond. And in general, I think other kids feel the same way - trusting.

The worst part so far -- he woke me up at 2:30AM with whining, and a "package" on the floor next to my bed (blech) last night, and then proceeded to whine all.night.long. I was up at 6:00AM with only 3 hrs of sleep (went to sleep at 11:30PM). It looked like a train hit me, and S concurred with my lovely physical appearance at 6:00AM (gotta love the rough mornings). I'm a little beat now, and ready for bed, to say the least.

He better not whine tonight. I might have to do something drastic, like put him in the sound-proof garage for the night. I will. It'll be the hardest thing ever, but people, come on, I am human after all, and WAYYYYYY out of sleep deprivation mode.

Add insult to injury, K has been vomitting (her first time ever) ... :O( all day, so I could potentially be in for a very painful night tonight if this rascal causes me grief.

{sigh} this is what badges of courage are formed from right? I can do it ..... I can do it.

pant. pant. huff. huff.

That's what caffeine and couches are for the next day.

Like I said, BoBo is very beautiful, and really a sweet fella by all appearances.

But that little pea better be sleeping tonight.

And my little pea, I hope she feels better tonight.

g'night all.

"Bumpin' Along"

I remember once a patient that I had treated replied to my daily question of "how are you feeling today?" with that - "oh, bumpin' along". And I found it rather humorous. First of all, the patient had undergone a total knee replacement, and had a significant limp to his gait. But he didn't necessarily mean it literally, he was referring to the "bumps" of life.

I think that's where I am in the last couple of weeks. Bumpin'.

Our lives are well, work is going very well, I am still diggin' it. S isn't so thrilled with his current position, however, is extra excited about a business venture he and two buddies have begun. The kidlets are good, flexing their 'tude muscles only minimally.

Hockey is winding down, well, the regular season is. Gymnastics is winding down for the season. Piano is still a favorite. Baseball is beginning, golf is beginning, and we are looking at spring cleaning the yard in the next couple of weeks.

My parents house is still on the market, and they are heavy, very heavy, on my mind.

I'll be 38 tomorrow.

38.

Doesn't that seem so ... adult?

blech.

Idontwannabe38Idontthink.

For the first time, I think EVER, I am not all giddy about my birthday being tomorrow. I'm not sad, or angry. Just not my giddy self.

I love my birthday. My day. All mine.

Well, I used to. Maybe I need to be silly tomorrow.

Yep, that's it. Silly.

alright, I think that's it.

Off to do some more bumpin'.

The weekend's got some good stuff in store, maybe the bumps will become a RIDE. :O)

The Golden Rule

You know it ... "do unto others as you would have others do unto you" Nice Rule. I think, and very, very appropriate for children. yes?

So, at 7 and 5.5 can you grasp that? Said just like that?

I am having a little bit of a struggle with attitude from my squirts, the last week or so. My dear old husband doesn't get the attitude from them. Who said they could snap at me? Who says they can question me?

Who?

{sigh} here's the scene:

K has a play date with a friend, I meet the mommy with K and her friend at school, picking up C and her older child at said school. I haven't seen K since 8:30AM. It's 3:02PM. She zips by, excited to continue to play, and I say "uh, hello there, girly!" She looks at me, dead in the face, and looks away. Uhm, hmmmm, I think .... oh, she must not have really *seen me*.

"HI! Girly!" (a little louder)
K turns, this time with crinkled eyebrows, and then the eye roll begins.....
"hi mom ....I heard you before."

Here's the best part - get ready : she looks away, hand on hip, and then goes on with her play, away from me.

Uh, WHAT?!

I was insulted. I couldn't help it. She's 5. Have I mentioned that? I expected this at 14, maybe 13.

Not 5.

And really, was it the end of the world. No. Was it awful, terribly fresh? No. Did I like to see it? NO. Was I insulted and shocked she ignored the Golden Rule?

Heck yes.

So we began once in the car - address it, discuss it, explain why not .... feel badly, sad, hurt. Golden Rule. Remember?

Later, at home, C is asking about wearing shorts tomorrow. I say, as I have been saying for the last two weeks, "no, C, it's going to be very cold again tomorrow ... not quite shorts weather"( uhm, it's supposed to be a high of 39.) Thinking that would be reasonable to my always-chilly-in-the-AM son, he says "SO!" (insert eye roll)

What?! WHAT?! you too?

ack.

Adress it, discuss, explain. Sad. Golden Rule. blah blah blah.

Then, bedtime comes with the two of them, and I discuss the Golden Rule (again), telling them that I will try my best too, to speak kindly, and be gentle, thinking before I speak, etc etc. (of course, taking responsibility as any mother would for teaching this horrific behavior .... ) and off they go to bed.

They don't remember. They don't think they are snapping. They don't think they have attitude. They are just flexing their muscles. Trying for control.

Excuse,me, kids .... *I* am the controlling one right now. You'll get your turn ~ later. You can choose what snack, what drink to take to school, lunch menu, clothes (within reason, of course) even, which jacket, what hat, which gloves, how to decorate your bed, breakfast food, whcih games to play after school .... but you can't have control JUST because you think it's time to have control. Or can they? Is it all changed now that they are no longer toddlers?

So here I sit. Wondering. Where I have gone wrong? What have I taught them? Is this directly related to speaking sternly to my kids when they needed to be spoken to? Did I go too far when I did? Was I nasty? Did I adhere to the Golden Rule?

"Do unto others as you would have others do unto you".

I think I need to work with this. I think we need to explore this more. There is something to that.

I can learn an awful lot from it too.

The Golden Rule.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Erin Go Bragh ! (which means Ireland Forever!)

Hope all the Irish, and all the Irish-for-a-day, have a wonderful day!

S took the day off, this is, according to him, Christmas, of course. ;O)

Enjoy -- off to have some Shamrock Shakes at K's kind. class, and then some corned beef and beer!

:O)

Time

it is the one thing I feel like I chase. it is the one thing that I seem to watch slip on by. it is the one thing that I want to create more of on a daily basis. it is the one thing I.hate.wasting.

okay, really, I chase more than that, I would love to create a million things on a daily basis, and I hate wasting food, too. but you get my drift right?

Tired, today. 4:30 AM was the time that alarm rang. Rise and shine, off to the OR. ick. That's a time that was not so fun. Once there, loads of fun. Good times. Even after that -- all day, actually. Good times. I love what I do. it's fun, and energetic, and very, very good timing for me, for the fam, and for the lifestyle.

right now, time is aching my bones, though. I feel like it's been three days today. okay, maybe two. but the time has been d-r-a-g-g-i-n-g with a start that early. it is hard to imagine doing that each day. thank goodness it's not everyday quite that early.

it's time for bed. I am exhausted. {yawn}

g'night.

Watching the Pain

Have you ever watched someone you love deal with a pain so big you can't imagine ever feeling what they are feeling?

Have you ever watched someone you love make decisions that you know are among the hardest anyone should ever have to make?

Have you ever hurt for that person, and wanted it all to just go away?

My heart is aching for a very close family member today. My heart is sad for him. He is realizing that his marriage is over. It is less than 10 years old, his marriage, and he is hurting beyond words.

The things they've had to deal with in this short 9+ years are among the worst possible ... number 1 here, burying a child.

He is hurting, he is sad, he is beaten.

He is still in love with her. :o( And likely will be forever.

It is his second marriage. A marriage he swore would never happen, again. Until he met her.

I wish for the pain to end, for the healing to begin, and for the new chapters to be written.

I wish for him peace, and for her, internal rest. I wish for him to be happy again, for her, to let go of the anger, to stop running, and to let it be.

For both, move forward and love again. Both beautiful people. Both full of love. Full of Life.

This thing called life has so many turns, and so many bends. It isn't easy, for sure, but it is an adventure.

I consider myself so lucky. So blessed. I trust I will *always* be that way. But I realize, and recognize that I have to make the effort to stay that way, that it's work that's involved with keeping that. It is a mutual relationship. It has to be.

I wish everyone felt this way.

"You should see the other three guys!"

...that is the response my little comedian is giving when everyone (and I mean everyone) asks him 'what happened?'

Then, he rolls into laughter, and says "they were huge, but now they're in the hospital!"

:o)

A little levity always helps when you can't see from one eye ......

He is much better ... the pain is far less, the swelling is slightly less, and most importantly, his spirits are high. He still is swollen shut, but the size of the swelling is less, and that makes it appear much better. He slept well, and said he feels "good enough to play outside all day, mommy". :o )

Right now, at this moment, he is rollerblading, after completing a 9 inning baseball game with daddy out front. And last night, he insisted on going to the rink to watch his team have practice, but couldn't resist the temptation to *be in it*, so he went out on the ice, no pads, just helmet, and skates, to skate. He was very happy to be there with his friends. And coach, fabulous, wonderful, amazing, coach J made him feel so good.

Really, he feels much better. Kids are so resilient, aren't they?! Thank goodness .....

It's me that feels awful. Every time I look at him, I have to give him a hug .... he looks so ...different. My poor babe .... I took a picture, of course, and I'll post once I have it.

So, thanks for the check in, girls, you rock! :o)

And Fransie ... oh yes, the peanut butter kiss cookies .... delicious! Here's the recipe:

Heat oven to 375*
Beat together 1/2 Cup shortening, 3/4 cup peanut butter in large bowl until well blended
Add 1/3 cup granulated sugar, and 1/3 cup brown sugar, beat until fluffy
Add 1 egg, 2 Tablespoons milk, and a teaspoon of vanilla, beat well
In separate bowl stir together 1 1/2 cup flour, 1 teaspoon baking soda, and half teaspoon salt. Add gradually to peanut butter mixture, and beat well.
Shape your dough into 1 inch balls, and roll in small pile of granulated sugar in new bowl to coat exterior of balls.
Bake 8-10 minutes or until lightly browned. Take out of oven
Immediately press Hershey's chocolate kisses in center of each cookie. Cookie will crack around the edges.
Remove from hot pan, and cool completely on wire rack.
Makes 4 dozen.

The kids love pressing the kisses, and they always love to stir ingredients with me.

So, when do I get the banana frosting recipe from your cupcakes last weekend?

;-)

Have a great Saturday .....

Periorbital Cellulitis

Yep. That's what he's got.

The early AM was a tad bit frightening here .... C arrived in our bedroom with a completely swollen shut left eye. He was not happy, to say the least. I was actually quite nervous from the difference between last night and this AM (after reading what it *could* end up becoming). Called the ped - the best thing happened, much to my relief - HIS ped answered the phone. In we went right away .... again, to my relief, and S's, Dr. McG was calm (so not surprising) and felt that is was PERIorbital and his eye itself was fine, good movement, good vision, and the infection looked like it was oral antibiotic ready.

The likely culprit was his own hands .... when he went to the nurse for his "itchy" eye, he was consistently rubbing what was probably nothing. Nerves from the wounded heart probably caused him to perseverate with the scratching of the *nothing* that was there, and he left a germ or two on his skin turning into an infection.

His poor heart. :-(

Back to today ..... so, we went to the pharmacy, got the meds (holy smokes .... these are antibiotics different than what we've seen before! $246.00... thank goodness for prescription and medical insurance, the copay was far, far cheaper!) and we are now home .... C wanted to go to school to say hi to the teacher, grab his spelling quiz so that I could give it to him at home, and turn in his homework. This is his first and only absence from school ever, so not going likely felt odd for sure .....

He saw his posse, and of course, they were very attentive to him - "please C, please stay, dude!" :o) How cute is that? But he didn't want to stay ... so we're hanging out playing some games, and getting ready to make peanut butter kiss cookies.

So, send us your get well vibes, if you have any extra just hanging around ... we'll be hoping that is stays PERIorbital and just goes quickly away ....

A swollen eye, a tender heart, mixed emotions, not enough time in the day

oh, boy has there been some activity 'round this place!

'Spose I will start with the swollen eye. C's, that is. :o(

It's actually related to the tender heart too.

Yesterday morning, about 10:30AM I get a phone call while in an operating room about an hour from home, doing some work.

The words froze for a millisecond in my ears:

"Hi, Mrs. D, it's Mrs. C, the nurse from the kids school"

gulp.

"everything's fine .... C is in here telling me that his eye is sore, and stinging. Can't find or see anything in there, washed it, looked at it, cleaned it. Could you talk with him on the phone?"

So, as we chat, he and I, I get a distinct impression he is just wanting to come home. Something extremely unusual, as his posse of boys always outweighs being at his house without friends. Never has he had any complaints about being at school, either ... in fact we just got a stellar report from the teacher regarding "his love of academics, and thriving success with the work he is doing. He has taken off like a rocket ship!" so this just felt odd. I asked him if there was something wrong, something he was trying to get out of, did he have a touch morning in class.

No, mom, just want to come home. Can daddy pick me up?

How about if daddy comes in to talk to you?

Yeah, that's a good idea, then he can take me home? Dunno bud, maybe just chat.

Daddy does go in minutes later. What's going on? ( several minutes into it, and a few lame reasons why later ....>

"daddy ...." then, the floodgates open wide... big crocodile tears ... " I just don't want to go home on the bus."

Daddy says, "really? you love the bus. What's happened on the bus?"

"CM ( a well-known trouble making child) has been making fun of me, calling me names. He's in second grade you know. He makes me feel really bad. I don't want to go on the bus with him anymore."

^^^I think my heart broke into a million pieces ^^^

My kid, my happy go lucky, easy going, yet, hockey playing competitive and sport-addicted kid, was at a loss with a thug of a 2nd grader, because he had hurtful things to say to him? He made fun of a kid that has been his friend in the past? My little guy was so hurt ... This cannot be .... we need to address this.

Now you've unleashed the MAMABEAR in me .... look out CM.

So, last night we discussed the options.

1) tell CM that he needs to stop, because 'that hurts my feelings'.
2) ignore him
3) move seats, and ignore him again
4) say to him "sticks and stones ..."
5) call in reinforcements (otherwise known as adults) that will end it.

C was pleased with that. He said, "I can do that. I'm a big kid .... I can tell him that, mommy!" (rock on, brother, I know you can!)

So he did. He skipped right to #2 today. CM approached him on the bus and made some weird noise directed at C, and C ignored him, and just looked at him.

Nothing more occured.

Today, anyway.

S and I discussed, and we let the Principal know, and his teacher, and of course, the nurse. They all agreed that CM, the known trouble maker will not be allowed to continue this, after this reported incident, anyway.

By our request, I have asked them to allow C to resolve this one incident. There is no need to intervene at this point, but any other incidents, no matter how minor, then CM's parents will be notified, and steps will be taken.

S and I really wanted C to be empowered, and energized that he can do this without adults running to "rescue" him at each incident. At the same time, he is aware that there are many adults in his life that feel strongly that he is to be protected, and kept safe at any cost, and we are all ready, willing and able to hear what the issues are, and work it out with him, giving him advice, and tools to handle it. I wanted him to feel comfortable asking for help when he needs it, too, though.

What a fence to be on .... but so far, for today anyway, it seems to be working. He was proud to tell me that he ignored CM on the bus, and very proud that he did it all alone - "man to man".

But I could still see the tender , broken heart beneath that tough exterior.

And mine too.

And... and - his eye is almost swollen shut. It absolutely befuddles me .... when the nurse called, we both assumed it was just a "reason" to be there at the nurse. It appears not so.

Last night, he had some light red skin around his eye. He said it was sore, stinging. This AM, S said it was slightly puffy, but not so sore anymore. S gave him some Motrin to keep the swelling down as much as possible. This afternoon he came in from the bus puffy, and much more sore.

We went to the peds. The list was checked off.

Did you remember getting poked? no
Did you get something in your eye? no
Did you scratch your eye? no
Did something bite you? no
Does it hurt? a little
No discoloration on the whites of the eye.
No discharge.
No fever.
No nausea.

red. swollen. sore.

I don't like that. And to boot - we saw another doc in the practice. Nice guy, young dad, takes care of a few friends kids, highly rec'd. But he doesn't know C. Two days ago, Dr. McG saw C and smiled at the monkey in the room. Today, he was not a monkey, he sat laying up against me. Dr. McG would have known this was not right. Dr.K didn't. It's not his fault, I just know I'll be back again in the next day or two, and he'll be looking more deeply, and getting to the bottom, I think.

I gave him Motrin, and Benedryl per Dr. K's suggestion. That seemed to help. Took the pain away, and brightened his eyes a bit. But - I.just.hate.having.an.unresolved.issue.on.my.hands. Especially with my kids.

This will keep me awake. This will make me check on him 285 times tonight.

oiy.

Okay, and this is all compounded with the fact that my parents got an offer on their house. Our house. The house I moved into when I was 2 and moved out when I went to college. And moved in and out of, on and off through the years until I was 24.

I know it's the time. I know it's the right time. They need to move. They need to begin a new chapter.

I'm just mixed about it. I love that house. I love the memories.

It's been a busy week. It's been an emotional week.

Check Up - Hiccup

So, is it a written rule to act like a monkey at the pediatrician's office when you're there for a well visit? Is it something that children discuss before they go inside the office?

C had a check up. His 7 year {gulp!} well child check. Oh, he's well. He's beyond well.

Lessee .... I think the words that dear old Dr. McG. used 40 minutes into the visit were "boy, he is all 7 year old boy - through and through huh? Is he 110% all day?!"

Uhm, yeasssssss. 300 miles per hour boy? Uh huh.

Thank goodness for small wonders .... sleeps from 8:00pm through until 7:30am. Straight, without failure -- daily. That got the nod of approval. Phew.

Then he followed up with (have I mentioned how much I love this man before?) "you know, he is so perfect ... his growth is terrific, he is so healthy, so active, and such a great face. He really is just a poster-boy for redheads!"

:O)

If it weren't for the non-stop activity, the giggling little creatures, the movement while I was talking .... the endless chatter between the two. I might have been able to wallow in that lovely last comment for more than, oh, let's say, a nanosecond.

Me thinks the MD visits will be solo child from here on out, no more siblings ..... I swear they have daily chats. A roundtable discussion on what to do when alone with mom. Mind you, they aren't poorly behaved, they aren't fresh, and out of control(would.not.tolerate.that). They are just movers. Constant, consistent, perpetual motion. Together it's twice as fun. heh.

So, the details on the visit. He is actually tracking perfectly according to Dr. GoodLooking (really, have I mentioned him before? ) He said his growth is *boring* it's so on track. He has been 75% for weight since he was 3, and 50% for height since 3. He was 48 1/4 inches, and 54 2/3 pounds. His BP was perfect, his eyesight perfect, and his hearing was perfect (that last one I'll be keeping in my backpocket to be used at my convenience, of course)

Dr. McG discussed the food "issues" we've had ... (not serious, just lacking in variety these days the little devil) and he feels like he's actually doing a decent job with choices, but made the C man a deal. 2 fruits and veggies a day. Anytime, anywhere. Just daily. C shook on it, and glanced my way for approval. He also reinforced the "try-it" rule with a new title - the "no-thank-you portion". Once a bite has been taken, we ask if you'd like some more, if you like it, have more, if not, "no thank you". I liked that. Works for me.

So, another well child visit.
Another event with the cute pediatrician we have.
And another moment to wonder how the hell I got here with a 7 and 5 year old child.

:o\

The inside

Oh, the questions.
The lines are drawn.
The persistence is growing.
The challenge is present.

Who said they could be *this* independent? Who said they could be *this* big while being so little?

Who said? And never notified me of the impending changes?

I have not yet had the defiance from my kids that many of my friends have dealt with. I know, I know ... groan with less-than sincere sympathy ... but really, it's hard to get it all at once!

My oldest, C is not a defiant kid by nature. He is generally quite easy going. Generally, convinced to do whatever we ask, even if it means he isn't in control.

My youngest, K, is so different. She can be more defiant, and defintiely has a control issue, that she, ahem, got from someone. Don't know who .... ;o) But she has that female-ness "in charge" thing.

This weekend, there was a coup. They both discussed it. I know they did.

The little devils.

Honestly, I step back and look into my life often (I think that it is age that is helping me do it - the big 3-8 soon ....) and the big picture that is painted is not a wretched one. I know this. I can see this.

My two are really, I mean reallllllly good kids. I am proud to call them mine on so many levels, even behavior wise. They are fun, crazy, energetic, exciting, polite, pleasant, giggly, vibrant, and full of life. They are also 7 and 5. Need I say more?

So, when I look at this weekend, I see a wee one at 5.5 who was not feeling herself (harboring that nasty headcold still), feeling a little out of control of her environment, and whining a whole lot more than what she ever has. I also see a 7 year old who is growing into his own skin at this point, and feeling like he can conquer the world, with a simple hockey stick.

We had some pleasant moments, some funny moments, and some warm moments this weekend.

But, we also had this :

"NO, mom. I am not doing that!"
"Yes I am getting ________!"
"I am not coming to see you!"

Yep, all in one weekend. {sigh}

Who said they could be defiant?

Is this a rule that I missed in the booklet that came with their last birthday?

So, we talked. We dealt with frustration (on the kid level, and the adult level) and we dealt the punishment.

Not awful stuff I know. But still, argghhhhhhhh.

Okay. Already I feel better.

Sometimes I wonder if I am doing the right thing.
I wonder if I am saying the right thing.
I question my responses.
I question my reactions.
I question whether or not I have made the right decisions.

This is hard work, this parenting thing, sometimes.

Milimoments of angst wrapped around joy, excitement, fun, love, hugs, kisses, and silliness, homework, sports, tears, sadness, happiness, art, music, activity .....

I wish the milimoments were easier. Can you imagine how ridiculous that is that I am saying that? 'Cause all the other stuff is so much better .... the angst *should be easier*, shouldn't it?

I don't think that's realistic, is it? I know better ... I do.

{sigh}

Gosh, I really am happy that they are as stubborn, and decisive as they are, as children. I am. I describe K as "exactly as I want her to be at 30". I really believe that. She is not going to be someone that will be pushed around. She is not going to just follow. She is a leader. A leader with her own mind.

I love that about her.

C is a leader with a little more easy-going, understanding nature to him. He is accomodating and happy to please. He will be the guy that convinces others to get things done WITH him.

I love that about him.

And people love that about THEM, too. Many, many people.

I guess I want it all ..... an attitude to get what you want from life later, with an easy going nature now. I want it to be easier today.

You know what, I just re-read that last line. They are me. They look exactly like their father, but the inside, the fighter, the independence is me.

It is not so easy to look in the mirror is it?

:o)

A Dog's Life

"Why Dogs Don't Live As Long As People"

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife Lisa, and their little boy, Shane, were all very much attached to Belker and they were hoping for a miracle. I examined Belker and found he was dying.I told the family there were no miracles left for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.

As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for the four-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience.

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker's family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away. The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion.

We sat together for a while after Belker's death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives. Shane,who had been listening quietly, piped up:

"I know why." Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned everyone. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation.

He said "People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life -- like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?"

The four-year-old continued, "Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long."

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I simply, and wholeheartedly love this story. Pure beauty. :o)

sniffles, smelly dogs, and success!

A smattering of things to chat about tonight! :o)

I'll start with the success, always a great place to start ... my fabulous and phenominally talented neice (one of the 3, fab and phenom sisters that is ...) the oldest, K, was accepted, and qualified for an incredibly elite dance Summer Intensive Program at none other than The Julliard School in New York City. She will be living there, in a college dorm at 15 mind you, for three weeks this coming summer. She is one of 44 selected out of 500 dancers that tried out. Pretty fa-reakin' awesome, yes? I am so proud, and so excited for her! She is so going far with this dance thing ... she already has, and this is just the beginning of the next chapter. She just found out last night, and she is on the MOON for sure! I cannot wait to talk to her more about it, and begin the countdown. Oh, the fun she'll have, and the experience is once in a lifetime! YAY, K! CONGRATS!!!! :O)

Okay, next .... the sniffles ... my wee one, my K gal, has had one heck of a rock-em sock-em cold for three days. It is the strangest little thing too, at night she is just wiped, exhausted, sneezing, warm with a low fever, and in the AM she is fever-less, rejenerated from sleeping the 12 hours she sleeps (can you imagine?!), and just slightly sniffly. Each day I have totally assumed (as I am again for tomorrow) that she will not be able to go to school, and been wrong each day. She says " no, mommy, I feel okay to go ... I can go, I shouldn't miss." (uhm, K, you're in Kindergarten .... what are you 'missing' exactly? ;o) So, off she heads on the bus, and when she gets home at noon she is tired, but okay , and the downward spiral begins .... although she was a bit better tonight. Not so spent, so perhaps that is a good sign .... I just hate to see them, well, not "be" them, you know? I want to hug the ickies away ... and blow the nose for them, and take the medicine, and sleep it away for them. Poor baby .... I'm wishing for the well baby to be back! :O)

And the smelly dog ... yep, the little rascal got a bath tonight. A MUCH overdue, and MUCH needed scrub-adub-dub. I was shocked to actually find a tick on her (eeeeeeeeewwwww!!!!!) that S (my swashbucklin' bug killin' hero! {~swoon~}) prompty removed. Shocked to find it there because we have literally been at 20 degrees for a week, and prior to that only in the 30's & low 40's. It was a small one, so I am pretty sure not on her long. Ick, though, they gross me the heck out! Bleck. Geeeroosss.

K gal, my extra helping hand, helped me with the scrubbing, and the rinsing - THAT was fun! - and giggled when the wet, clean rascal shook all over her. It was the cutest thing! Then the rascally slippery thing just ran happily about the house showing her new clean-ness off to anyone and any thing that would listen. She was smiling from ear to ear, too. I swear she *knew* she smelled better. She's so pretty ..... and her "big brother", the chocolate lab that I love with all my heart, was so lonely while she bathing, and then when he saw her he was just smiling along with her. He probably thought she was smelly too! heh. I can't bathe him in the tub, he goes to the beauty salon, erm, barber shop, I mean.

So, that's the good stuff for now .... off to cacth some zzzzz's and get ready to shovel out tomorrow - 6-8 inches of the white purty stuff fell and is still falling as we speak .... ah, March snow is always nice - falls, and melts quickly! ;o)

see you soon ....

multiplication

okay, so at my friend B's suggestion, due to the current school math curriculum in our state, we have started the ball rolling with teaching multiplication - at home. :-
To clarify, we are presently involved in a mathematics curriculum that educates via investigational learning. definition: word problems, visual cues, and problem solving. Not multiplying or dividing. Addition and subtraction is the foundation, so obviously that has been learned, and continues to be taught. But, no multiplication, and no division.

I am so not a home schooler. It actually makes me kind of sad, and frustrated that I am not that "person". I feel like I am teaching my kids everyday, all day, but the truth remains that school at home is completely different than the "life-teaching".

Math is so hard for me. Conceptually, I am a visual person. I need pictures, and absolutely need to touch what I am learning. Tactile tendencies for sure (aha! maybe that's why I haven't ventured to the dark side yet ... ;o)

But really, I am an art/science/creative writing person. Math is just ... well, it sucks.

Whoops. Did I say that out loud? eek.

And just to add salt to the wound .. the child I am teaching feels the same way about math. It is so obvious he has my genes - he loves writing, and reading, and art, and science- oh, how he loves to figure out "how that works" and "what's that made of" kind of stuff. Just like me.

So, as a result of all of this, I am even more determined to give him a better foundation for the future that he will need, come middle school. I am more determined to allow him the opportunity to have math as a strength. I am more determined to get the math skills up to the other skills he has at this point.

I am counting on S to really bring this one home. I know that he is more math-oriented, not necessarily likes it more, but more inclined to have an understanding. So, because of that, I think I have to turf this one.

Not so bad, right?

And then there's the little squirt I have here .... I'm sitting there, discussing multiplication with C and she says, "Oh, I get that!" Yeah ... that helps the cause.

Speaking of lady K, she caught the bug that C was harboring over the weekend. Good news, she avoided the belly issues. (thank goodness on so many levels!) however, she is not feeling like herself. She has one heck of a runny nose, and the sniffles seem to be consuming her every breath. She did sleep well last night, and that was good. Despite feeling relatively icky, she sure is one good sport though!

I have been so fortunate with the number of times my kids have been sick ... as in close to never! So, when they are, I am so worried it might be an awful one .... but it wasn't!

She is actually, so mellow, and so adorable. She wants to just play on the 'puter, and color, and read. Kinda fun, and kinda bonding stuff. :o)

So that's it for now ... and I am heading to make some dinner. I am also heading to a Southern Living Home party afterwards. I am looking forward to the friends I will be chatting with, but also the house that it is at is supposed to be awesome!

So .. away I go ... have a great Thursday!~