is it innate? is it just a sign? is it being a child that gives you this, ever-present-knowledge of understanding?
my 5 year old has been a challenge , at best, the last two years. she has always been gorgeous, simply beautiful, in a word. I am frightened of the teen years. I am her mother, and she is simply beuatiful. her spirit, her smile, her light, she is absolutely someone I love being associated with. she has a spirit, and life, as a 5 year old with everything I want her to be as a 30 year old. she is love, she is peace, she is incredible. she has been relentless, however. she is a power struggler, an energy hound, a die-hard of winning her way. she is everything I anticipated being a daughter. she is me. mini version. :-\ it's true, I know it. all of a sudden, she is forgiving, understanding, gentle, and "connected" to me. I love it! She and I have connected in a way that I didn't see happening anytime soon. she is delicious-even MORE than what she was before. we laugh, we don't argue, we discuss. we don't play the tug of war, we bargain. she is funny, and spirited, she is a joy to be around. she is in charge, don't get me wrong. she is all about being the lead. but now, she is more forgiving with that role. I get hugs instead of battles. I get kisses, and art work at will. she is a girl, my girl, with my heart outside my body. she is me. I know that.
the almost-7-year old, on the other hand, who has a history of happy-go-lucky, easy going, gentle, kind, keep yourself in the peaceful lane kind of attitude, has become the TERROR that I feared. the last two weeks have been all about testing me, testing the line in the sand, testing daddy, testing the kid sister, testing the ZONE. he has become the BOY !!! Ugh. what the hell happened?
truth be told, he is every bit a funny little shit. I can't help feel this way. I love his core. his being, his zest for the foundation of the soul that we know, he has taught her everything she knows. he is all about moving, and shaking, and activity. he is funny, and zippy, and just plain life to be around. I love his spirit, his laughter, his energy, his attitude, his vip and vigor to get through it all. his will to win, his idea of winning, his soul is good. he is honesty, he is gentle, he is truth. he is everything we anticipated to be a son. he is S in a nutshell. I have two of the same. he is gold. just like her. but he is testing me right now.
ding, ding ..... his turn.
my father, the gem that he is, said to me tonight, december 17, 'he'll pay his way through college for you, you watch'. ah, the amazing being, the creature that stole my heart at birth. that son, the boy that skates with skill, with grace, with every ounce of his being on the ice. it is in him.
the struggle goes away when he does that. I know he loves the game. it shows.
7 is a struggle.
what the hell will 14 be like?
Saturday, December 17, 2005
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
boundless energy
why does it have to be when the tree is struggling to stay up, when the husband is losing his patience, when the wife is irritated that the fun activity of decorating the tree is turning into keeping the tree from falling? why do 7 & 5 year olds want to explode with energy and excitement. {sigh}
oh, the joy of the decorating. it's supposed to be a family event, an event to enjoy together, laughing ang giggling. why does the damn tree need to be tied up to the wall to prevent it from falling down ... again. OIY!!!
okay, I feel better.
ahem.
the tree is trimmed. the children survived. the angel was placed. the lights are on. it is very pretty. i like it an awful lot.
and yes, the tree is tied to the freaking wall!
next year, we will get the super-pluch tree stand to prevent the fiddling around.
today was just terrific until 5:30PM. it was then that we decided to begin decorating. simultaneously, C decided it was time to expel whatever energy he did not get out of his body from the day. i wish I could bottle it, i do. K and i had a fabulous afternoon. we danced and sang to the xmas music we had on, and we giggled, and chatted. we discussed tree trimming, and caroling, and waiting for daddy and C to come home to start. it was a great plan. we really enjoyed our day.
{sigh}
the holidays ...... scuttle, and bustle. laugh, and cry. embrace, and run.
enjoy!
oh, the joy of the decorating. it's supposed to be a family event, an event to enjoy together, laughing ang giggling. why does the damn tree need to be tied up to the wall to prevent it from falling down ... again. OIY!!!
okay, I feel better.
ahem.
the tree is trimmed. the children survived. the angel was placed. the lights are on. it is very pretty. i like it an awful lot.
and yes, the tree is tied to the freaking wall!
next year, we will get the super-pluch tree stand to prevent the fiddling around.
today was just terrific until 5:30PM. it was then that we decided to begin decorating. simultaneously, C decided it was time to expel whatever energy he did not get out of his body from the day. i wish I could bottle it, i do. K and i had a fabulous afternoon. we danced and sang to the xmas music we had on, and we giggled, and chatted. we discussed tree trimming, and caroling, and waiting for daddy and C to come home to start. it was a great plan. we really enjoyed our day.
{sigh}
the holidays ...... scuttle, and bustle. laugh, and cry. embrace, and run.
enjoy!
Monday, December 12, 2005
He can sleep now
December 11, 2005 C fulfilled another dream he had ... he helped his pal, M, score his first goal ever! It was, in a word, magnificent!
The pass was perfect, it was a backhand pass to M, who took it an shot it hard into the net- right passed the goalie. Right through to the back of the net. Arms raised, fists pumped, parents jumping, coaches thanking the heavens!
M scored!! And C helped!!
He told Coach J he'd do that .. he said "all I want to do is help M score his first goal". He stayed up past 11:30 PM one night at the tournament thinking and shifting in his bed about exactly how he'd do just that.
Coach J enlisted C into his heart that night, forever.
You see, M is Coach's son. C is M's line mate, and already a good friend.
If Coach J has his way, M & C & M will be together on a line for 6, maybe 8 years. Making them unstoppable.
Making them, in a word, magnificent.
This thing they call hockey .... magnificent.
The pass was perfect, it was a backhand pass to M, who took it an shot it hard into the net- right passed the goalie. Right through to the back of the net. Arms raised, fists pumped, parents jumping, coaches thanking the heavens!
M scored!! And C helped!!
He told Coach J he'd do that .. he said "all I want to do is help M score his first goal". He stayed up past 11:30 PM one night at the tournament thinking and shifting in his bed about exactly how he'd do just that.
Coach J enlisted C into his heart that night, forever.
You see, M is Coach's son. C is M's line mate, and already a good friend.
If Coach J has his way, M & C & M will be together on a line for 6, maybe 8 years. Making them unstoppable.
Making them, in a word, magnificent.
This thing they call hockey .... magnificent.
the rush ... the bustle ... the fun!
Game on! 'Tis the season for the moving and the shaking. I have loved this time of year forever, but not recently ... the last 5 have been so different though, and I vowed that I would get back to the "love" of it. Small kiddos and the holidays are stressful, and packed. I have always been sick this time of year with the worst cold evah! Then there's the pressure : Get this one a gift, find the right size for that one, keep this a surprise, help with this, gather for that ... it seemed like I was in a million pieces, never to find the foundation again. Not this year, though. It's different. I am different. They are different. This year I am enjoying the peace, the room, the magic of the season. It feels so good. So right. I am finding the time to look into their eyes, and wrap their sunshine in my arms. I love it. They are little, and it will only be a short moment of time that they are. I want to relish in that "little". I want to see it all through their eyes.
The kids and I have been talking an awful lot about the meaning of the Holidays, Santa included, but not the focus of the discussion. Religion aside, although we have discussed, they seem to grasp the concept of a few special gifts - not a load of "stuff". They chose a few things they *really* want and have stuck to that list. I like that. S and I are also looking at paring down .... special things, small things. But give you.
They are giving to me everyday. For some reason, I feel it more now than ever. They are excited, and anticipatory, and electric with possibilities. It's neat. And , it's different than before.
I love this time of year .... I just had to take some time off from it recently. :-)
The kids and I have been talking an awful lot about the meaning of the Holidays, Santa included, but not the focus of the discussion. Religion aside, although we have discussed, they seem to grasp the concept of a few special gifts - not a load of "stuff". They chose a few things they *really* want and have stuck to that list. I like that. S and I are also looking at paring down .... special things, small things. But give you.
They are giving to me everyday. For some reason, I feel it more now than ever. They are excited, and anticipatory, and electric with possibilities. It's neat. And , it's different than before.
I love this time of year .... I just had to take some time off from it recently. :-)
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
December 3, 2005
Forever in history as the first day C scored a goal. :o) Then, there were three more that weekend at this tournament. And three assists to add to that tally. Amazing.
What a rush, what a great time, what a wonderful feeling to see our squirt so happy, so excited to have *finally* done what he has been working for for nealry 5 years.
Oh, there have been other goals. During scrimmages, and during practices, and 3 on 3's, one on one's and then that goal over the past summer .... that was called back! But this, this was extra sweet, because he contributed to the overall WIN they had at the tournament too! They won the entire gig!
What a terrific weekend away, and to be able to bond and get to know so many wonderful parents too .... this is truly what childhood sports is all about. I am so grateful that we can give the kids these experiences .... and also be such a big part of those experiences. I am on cloud 9 right along with him, and with S and K. This is a moment to revel in ... a moment to remember.
and best of all, K is starting too ..... her first meet will be in January! What a WOW!!!! More memories to pack away with us all.
Ah, the joys of loving, the joys of raising kids, the joys of living!
{sigh}
What a rush, what a great time, what a wonderful feeling to see our squirt so happy, so excited to have *finally* done what he has been working for for nealry 5 years.
Oh, there have been other goals. During scrimmages, and during practices, and 3 on 3's, one on one's and then that goal over the past summer .... that was called back! But this, this was extra sweet, because he contributed to the overall WIN they had at the tournament too! They won the entire gig!
What a terrific weekend away, and to be able to bond and get to know so many wonderful parents too .... this is truly what childhood sports is all about. I am so grateful that we can give the kids these experiences .... and also be such a big part of those experiences. I am on cloud 9 right along with him, and with S and K. This is a moment to revel in ... a moment to remember.
and best of all, K is starting too ..... her first meet will be in January! What a WOW!!!! More memories to pack away with us all.
Ah, the joys of loving, the joys of raising kids, the joys of living!
{sigh}
Thursday, December 01, 2005
the speed of light
that's how fast it changes .... "it" being my life.
One moment I am enjoying coffee with my neighbor in her house, relaxing, and chatting ... the next, BAM! School bus is emptying, children filing off, hitting the ground RUNNING to go - somewhere - in the neighborhood to burn off the steam they have been trapping all day long in school. He bounds in to the neighbor's house, and asks about homework, then "can we stay, can we play? C'mon guys, let's do this, let's do that ... let's ......"
They play, they run, they argue, they compete, they challenge one another, they laugh, they burn off the steam .... oh, how they burn off the steam!
With the weather here, it's up and down, and cold then warm. Can they play outside - heck yes, bundle up. Now, take off the coats, too hot ..... but keep playing! The challenge is to find that balance of burning the steam, versus hyperactivity. The boys in the neighborhood far outnumber the girls ..... the energy is electric.
Especially after school.
BAM! They are lightning speed in and out, all over, up and down ... go, go, go!
Hugh ..... I'm tired watching.
The girls. They giggle, and they play, and they care for the babies, and the dolls, and the kitties, and the doggies. The energy is warm and gentle ... and peaceful. It's speedy, but at a speed within the city limits. It's fun, and silly, and sometimes loud, but always a pace that seems ...well, a pace that we can all keep up with.
So different. They breathe with the rhythm of each other. They love the way the other moves. But it *has* to be their own beat. The beat to the music in their head.
Individual. Trend setter. A whole person. Each one has their own tick tock inside.
Playful, mindful, spiritful, and energyful. Loving, nurturing, competitive, friendly, and fun.
And I love every.single.drop.
:o)
One moment I am enjoying coffee with my neighbor in her house, relaxing, and chatting ... the next, BAM! School bus is emptying, children filing off, hitting the ground RUNNING to go - somewhere - in the neighborhood to burn off the steam they have been trapping all day long in school. He bounds in to the neighbor's house, and asks about homework, then "can we stay, can we play? C'mon guys, let's do this, let's do that ... let's ......"
They play, they run, they argue, they compete, they challenge one another, they laugh, they burn off the steam .... oh, how they burn off the steam!
With the weather here, it's up and down, and cold then warm. Can they play outside - heck yes, bundle up. Now, take off the coats, too hot ..... but keep playing! The challenge is to find that balance of burning the steam, versus hyperactivity. The boys in the neighborhood far outnumber the girls ..... the energy is electric.
Especially after school.
BAM! They are lightning speed in and out, all over, up and down ... go, go, go!
Hugh ..... I'm tired watching.
The girls. They giggle, and they play, and they care for the babies, and the dolls, and the kitties, and the doggies. The energy is warm and gentle ... and peaceful. It's speedy, but at a speed within the city limits. It's fun, and silly, and sometimes loud, but always a pace that seems ...well, a pace that we can all keep up with.
So different. They breathe with the rhythm of each other. They love the way the other moves. But it *has* to be their own beat. The beat to the music in their head.
Individual. Trend setter. A whole person. Each one has their own tick tock inside.
Playful, mindful, spiritful, and energyful. Loving, nurturing, competitive, friendly, and fun.
And I love every.single.drop.
:o)
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