a day down

on the couch.

sleeping.

interrupted only by moments in the lav.

i had the ick yesterday. the nasty, evil, horribly unkind stomach bug.

feeling a wee bit better this morning, after spending the night on the couch - and in the lav. poor dh had no idea what to make of me.

off to shower, and with luck, eat something.

update soon ~ i swear.

*blush*

so, about a week ago..... yeah, a WEEK, my dear friend Fransie tagged me with a Christmas tag, and I have not had a moment to be here for any great length of time .... so, before I answer the questions, I need to say SORRY SO VERY VERY MUCH my friend ..... I have loads to blog, and tons to tell ... it has been a fabulous Christmas indeed! :O)

so here is the tag, and the answers ..... (by the way, LOVE being tagged! :O)

1. Egg Nog or hot chocolate? egg nog .... and not always spiked. i do enjoy it, but very limited as it tends to bother my belly ~ but so hard to resist!

2. Does Santa wrap his gifts or does he just put them under the tree? some of his gifts are wrapped, but the really fun, highly sought after tend to be unwrapped, with big bows on them.

3. Colored or white lights? growing up, my mom alwayas had the gihugent Italian colored bulbs on my tree, and I never liked them, now they are so nostalgic, I miss them. she still has colored, but they are tiny. we, however, only have white ~ inside on the tree, and outside decorating the house.

4. Do you hang mistletoe? no, sadly. we always had one at my house growing up, and i don't have one here .... hmmmm, must get one. :O)

5.When do you put up your tree? we try and get it two weekends before the holiday. any earlier, and the live tree struggles with the indoors, as well as the two dogs tails. :-\

6. What is your favorite Christmas food? probably the shrimp, or the lasagna. truly, i don't have a favorite ~ it's all good.

7. What is your favorite Christmas memory from when you were a child? oh, gosh, there are so many! I think though, heading home from my grandparents, and the HUGE family dinner we all had, and talking about Santa coming that night, then running in to the house, rushing to get jammies on and head to bed, close my eyes fast and fall asleep as my parents would read 'Twas the Night Before Christmas.
Probably my most favorite memory though, is this: I remember once I had fallen asleep, and woke for what seemed only a few minutes later, heard some noise, and went to the top of the stairs - when i looked down the stairs, i swore that a man in a red suit was there, and he was humming a tune ... our three dogs were with him, wagging their tails, and he never saw me, so i snuck back to bed and never told a soul about the "sighting". But man, did i believe for ages after that ...... still do!! :O)

8. Do you open presents on Christmas eve? we have before the kids, now we exchange the gifts with those folks that we won't see the next day, and our kids know that sometimes people other than Santa give gifts to us

9. How do you decorate your Christmas tree? with pretty white lights, and all kinds of ornaments that are specail to each of us from the years we have all been collecting them. typically, S and I will get the lights on, then the kids go to town with the ornaments. the star goes on the tree Christmas morning

10. Snow! Love it or hate it?LOVE IT!

11. Can you ice skate? amazingly, sort of. can you imagine with a hockey phenom son, and i don't skate .... but, yes, i know how, but my skills are rusty .....

12. Do you remember your best gift? homemade, thoughtful, from the heart gifts have always been my favorite. there are so many ..... this year, i got one too! :O)

13. What does Christmas mean to you? What is the most important thing about it, for you? Christmas is a family holiday, rich with love, and peace. it allows a moment to take a breath and enjoy all the goodness in your life. it allows us to find what the fabric of our family is, and cherish the time we've had the previous year, and look forward to the next year, while enjoying the present and the gift we have in each other.

14. What is in the top of your Christmas tree? this year, a beautiful star. last year, a cherished angel.

15. What is your favorite Christmas tradition? Christmas Eve dinner and revelry at my parents house .... about 20 of us gather, and have a really great time all together. this year, it was bittersweet ~ we were in my parents new incredibly beautiful loft, but not the home we've been for the last 30 + years ..... it was a nice way to begin a new tradition!

17. What is your favorite dessert after Christmas dinner? I would have to say pecan pie when it's there .... this year, i had a cocktail for dessert. ;o)

18. What is your favorite Christmas song? I have too many to only choose one ..... I'd have to say The Nutcracker Suite soundtrack is very high on the list, though .....

19. Kerstkransjes. Do you like 'em? don't think i've had them ... but i know i'd like them!


20. What is your favorite Christmas movie? It's a Wonderful Life and the all time favorite A Christmas Story.

thanks again F! :O)

That was fun .... I'll be back with an update soon ..... Merry Merry!

Holiday Tradition

Today is the day of Nutcracker. My niece, the dancer, K, is performing in Festival Ballet's Nutcracker.

And my Kgal and I are going for our third straight year of mommy-and-me time to the Nutcracker. Tonight.

:O)

I am so excited.

So is she.

New shoes, a beautifully hand made velvet dress by Mimi, and handmade velevet cape "like Christine's in Phantom of the Opera, mommy!" as she said .....

Oh, we are all giddy and electric with excitement.

My niece is like a fabulous added bonus to our evening ......

go here: www.festivalballet.com

and you can read all about the company and see the excitement!

Have a wonderful weekend ..... off to get ready!

what happened?

really.

what the heck happened to the last two weeks?

whoosh ~ ~ ~

yeowza, i think that the elder smart folks that used to tell me about time flying were right.

{sigh}

the kids are busy, and bustling Christmas energy balls. and therefore, we are busy. and bustling, too.

some good stuff first, as i find it enjoyable to rattle on about good things. :O)

C is the funniest kid on the planet right now. i swear, i might have to get him on a stage and make some money with the comedy routine. of late, his gig is singing - at.the.top.of.his.lungs. Christmas songs. word for word, relatively in tune, and dancing with the music he is making. he repeats that "this is the favoritist time of year, this Holiday time, isn't it yours??" he received a whoopie cushion in the 'countdown stockings' we have as one of our advent calendar-type fun things here (25 socks from our very own collections hanging by clips on a rope across the sliding glass door in the kitchen - SO stinking cute! got the idea from a mag article) and the child has been 'hiding' it under everyone's fanny just before they sit to make the loudest, and most obnoxious noise one can ever hear. then he rolls, i mean belly rolls with laughter at his own antics. the noise just tickles his funny bone. best $1.50 ever spent, i am telling you. arm farts. those may have been invented for that kid to execute at the most hysterical moments. it's hard not to laugh, even when you're trying to tell him that "at times, C, those are not appropriate ...."

and the yo-mamma jokes - oh, dear heavens, are you kidding me? my lovely dh busts a gutt when C tells one .... even after he's been 'spoken' to from the bus driver that, ahem, those are NOT appropriate bus conversation pieces.

but really, i laugh, and just watch, and get entertained. it's free, afterall. and he's only 7!

oh, yeah, and this little diddie: he told one of his hockey coaches that "we are only 3% Jewish, that's why we don't have a tree up yet, but, yeah, we do celebrate only Christmas". coach almost choked from laughing.

3% Jewish? where's he get his material? heh

and then we have the K gal - she is an absolute treasure. she is so kind, and so giving, and so perfect for this family. she has her silly moments, and her funny little ways, but her forte is loving. :o) she is just so nurturing, and caring. she has been taking care of everyone - including C when he was ill for a day or two, and needed to be out of school for one day - she cried for him that he was "left behind" and not able to go to school, she ran in from the bus to check on him and see if there was anything that he needed .... just a sweetheart. she is so sensitive, and loving. i love that about her. she will smile and cheer you up, and just change your day at any given moment.

oh, and she laughs like there is NO stopping her at her brother. she thinks he is the butter that goes on bread, and the best thing since the sliced bread. loves him. absolutely. unequivically.


in other news, C was ill this week, and that was not much fun. thankfully, he bounced back like a champ. he was out of school for only one day (his first EVER sick day out of school!) but he did vomit. and that folks, is waht this mamma can't handle so well. ick. i can handle blood. i can handle bones protruding through skin. i can even handle open wounds. diarhea, and vomit are a wee bit more challenging.

i have been lucky though, Mother Nature (to be referred to as MN now) knows this about me, and she is a kind soul. this was only C's second vomitting experience. and K has only had one. so, yes, i know, ridiculous when i hear all the horrible stories from other parents whose children seem to prefer that method of being ill, but again, good old MN is kind. or she is hoping i will repay her somehow .......

we got our tree finally. in a strange twist, we took our Jewish little friend with us to pick it out, and that was really rather funny .... she thought it was a real treat, as it was her first ever (she's 6) and we thought it was cool to see our two telling her all about the adventure of "tree-getting". S and i are still astounded at the speed in which we picked, payed, and put it up. literally, less than 1 hour to get it all done. we could conceivably decorate it tonight too (fresh cut, no need to let it drop) however, the squirts are sleeping already, S is playing baseball (readying for the Florida trip in a few weeks for a tournament) and i am about ready to turn in myself.

so, that's a beginning of an update ... and a little insight into the laughter you've been hearing from this house ....

'tis good this thing they call life with kids.

'tis good.

smile!

exactly!

A lesson for us all -BELIEVE IN SANTA CLAUS

I remember my first Christmas adventure with Grandma. I was just a kid.

I remember tearing across town on my bike to visit her on the day my big
sister dropped the bomb: "There is no Santa Claus," she jeered. "Even
dummies know that!"My Grandma was not the gushy kind, never had been. I fled to her that
day because I knew she would be straight with me. I knew Grandma
always told the truth, and I knew that the truth always went down a whole lot easier when swallowed with one of her "world-famous"
cinnamon buns. I knew they were world-famous, because Grandma said
so. It had to be true.

Grandma was home, and the buns were still warm. Between bites, I told
her everything. She was ready for me. "No Santa Claus?" she snorted....
"Ridiculous! Don't believe it. That rumor has been going around for
years, and it makes me mad, plain mad!! Now, put on your coat, and
let's go.""Go? Go where, Grandma?" I asked. I hadn't even finished my secondworld-famous cinnamon bun. "Where" turned out to be Kerby's General Store, the one store in town that had a little bit of just about everything.

As we walked through its doors, Grandma handed me ten
dollars.That was a bundle in those days. "Take this money," she said, "and buy
something for someone who needs it. I'll wait for you in the car." Then
she turned and walked out of Kerby's.I was only eight years old. I'd often gone shopping with my mother, but
never had I shopped for anything all by myself. The store seemed big
and crowded, full of people scrambling to finish their Christmas shopping. For a few moments I just stood there, confused, clutching
that ten-dollar bill, wondering what to buy, and who on earth to buy it
for.I thought of everybody I knew: my family, my friends, my neighbors,
the kids at school, the people who went to my church. I was just about
thought out, when I suddenly thought of Bobby Decker. He was a kid
with bad breath and messy hair, and he sat right behind me in Mrs. Pollock's grade-two class.Bobby Decker didn't have a coat. I knew that because he never went
out to recess during the winter. His mother always wrote a note, telling
the teacher that he had a cough, but all of us kids knew that Bobby
Decker didn't have a cough; he didn't have a good coat.

I fingered the
ten-dollar bill with growing excitement. I would buy Bobby Decker a
coat!I settled on a red corduroy one that had a hood to it. It looked real
warm, and he would like that."Is this a Christmas present for someone?" the lady behind the counter
asked kindly, as I laid my ten dollars down. "Yes, ma'am," I replied shyly. "It's for Bobby."The nice lady smiled at me, as I told her about how Bobby really needed
a good winter coat. I didn't get any change, but she put the coat in a bag,
smiled again, and wished me a Merry Christmas.That evening, Grandma helped me wrap the coat (a little tag fell out of
the coat, and Grandma tucked it in her book) in Christmas paper and ribbons and wrote, "To Bobby, From Santa Claus" on it.Grandma said that Santa always insisted on secrecy. Then she drove me over to Bobby Decker's house, explaining as we went that I was now and forever officially, one of Santa's helpers.
Grandma parked down the street from Bobby's house, and she and I
crept noiselessly and hid in the bushes by his front walk. Then Grandma gave me a nudge. "All right, Santa Claus," she whispered, "get going."I took a deep breath, dashed for his front door, threw the present down
on his step, pounded his door and flew back to the safety of the bushes and Grandma.Together we waited breathlessly in the darkness for the front door to
open. Finally it did, and there stood Bobby.Fifty years haven't dimmed the thrill of those moments spent shivering,
beside my Grandma, in Bobby Decker's bushes. That night, I realized
that those awful rumors about Santa Clause were just what Grandma said they were -- ridiculous. Santa was alive and well, and we were on
his team.

I still have her book, with the coat tag tucked inside: $19.95.


May you always have LOVE to share, HEALTH to spare and FRIENDS
that care...And may you always believe in the magic of Santa Clause!

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
with a second and first grader here, electric with excitement over the santa clause mystery, and the magic of Christmas, this couldn't have come at a better time!

It was a HUGE success!

:O)

I was so happy for her .... packed house, loads of yummies from the friend who catered for me (and is starting his very own business, too) and loads of happy ladies buying ....

buying .....

and buying!

My mom was so thrilled, and so overwhelmed with the purchasing .... the evening was a success, and truly a kick off for great things to come!

Friday however, was a recovery day. ;) *somebody* had some red wine Thursday evening at the successful party, and her head was a wee bit tender in the AM. It was a challenge, ahem for her to function for the first few hours of the morning. But with time, and a gallon of water, I, erhm, SHE seemed to feel somewhat back to her old self.

she went to bed early Friday night though. :

another hockey day today, in a far away city ... a little drive, with the little man, and a great game he played. daddy stayed home today with the little lady for some QT and some holiday decorating (yep, earning some browning points rigging up those lights, he is!) and the place looks great!

looking forward to our Sunday .... some skating in the AM, hockey team photos, and then a later afternoon game ..... in between there, perhaps a tree tagging!

there is a little nip in the air tonight, and with that nip and the lights up and on the house, the Holiday cards almost ready to be sent off with the post office, i am feeling very, very festive .... december arrived *just in time* ~~

let the Holidays begin!

have a great sunday!

Getting Excited Here!

tomorrow's the night (have I mentioned it here, yet?) the jewelry, crafts, art, and children's clothing party I am having for my mom. she is the featured artist, and she is so ready with SO much stuff!

dude .... i mean endless treats, and treasures. the stuff is fantastic, and all personally made. she is so dang talented! and i am so proud of her! we are currently investigating a website for her, and once up and running, you can bet i'll be listing it here .....

i have 45 people coming, and a caterer. (oooo the decadence!) and my dh is planning on hanging with the kiddies until they head to bed, and he may sneak out after they are sleeping to "escape all those women" haha

so, i will post some photos, and show the goods. she will be taking orders for anyone interested, too.

report cards

so, first i'll do the school report:

yep, first quarter is finished. the kids have completed their beginning steps to the new school year.

i am so proud. :O) so, so very proud.

C received an excellent report, and K's is just wonderful, too!

clearly, they love what they are doing (save for the music class that C received a little less in effort than other areas, when asked about it "well, mom, it's kinda boring ... we sing and clap, and play instruments. I'd rather do P.E." hmmmmm i can see that, no question) and they BOTH got outstanding social and behavioral comments. both teachers feel strongly that they are happy to be in school, and love helping other kids, and possess a strong desire to learn, their reading and comprehension skills are well above level. math is a strong component in their days, and they are tracking very well with this, science is a strength and C has a special affinity towards it, with the teacher really highlighting that! :o) and lastly, and probably the one item that really makes my heart swell with pride (and daddy's too) are the comments about their pleasantness, their magnetic personalities, and their terrific sense of humor. i for one, find it especially gratifying that they include this info in the report card.

see, shouldn't i be so proud?

second - thanksgiving dinner report card:

a resounding A! My sil and brother did a fabu job at their first go of it, and the kids all had a blast! 7 grandchildren and 8 adults, 3 dogs (ours stayed home, otherwise there'd have been 5 dogs) .... :o\ and we all made it, ate it, and enjoyed it. yum. favorite holiday BY FAR.

thirdly - the extra long weekend report card:

definitely an A as well ... right now winding down from the beautiful sunny Sunday here, i was alone with the squirts, dh attended the Patriot's Game, and deservedly so - his birthday today - and the kids and i had a very mellow day. they were playing outside most of the day, i popped in an out, played a little, and chatted a little, and then tonight we 3 snuggled for a movie - The Wild. good one ... liked it. they were snoozing since 7:30 (did i mention the busy part of the long weekend???) and they are so happy to be in their nice clean sheets. :o) i'm about t-15 minutes to do the same .....

so, about a year ago this time, i mentioned on my first time blog entries how thankful i am for the utter lucky status i have .... here i am again, utterly lucky. :o)

i am thankful for:

my beautiful healthy family
my wonderful supportive husband
my terrific, and comfortable home
my lovely friends, on so many levels
the flexible career we both have
the opportunity to share the lives of my kids
the honor to be part of this family
the ability to express my thoughts, and opinions
love, freedom, and peace of mind

and one last thing -

as we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. J.F.K.

what are you thankful for?

have a great Monday!

"The book you want to write, what's going to be in it?"

that's what the *imagination prompter* said to me last night.

i haven't clicked on that in months. several months.

and that, that simple statement was sitting there, staring at me from the screen.

i sat back in my chair. swallowed hard, and cleared my eyes. how on earth did that prompter know what was on my mind. what's been on my mind for months ..... all i can think of is my book. i even thought of a title. i've got the frame, and the theme.

now i need to just go.

doing it isn't even a scary thing. i am not afraid. 5 years ago i was. i am not any more.

i believe that there are ways of reading "signs", and ways of perceiving "signs". this spoke to me.

this prompt has me.

i even wrote it on a paper next to my monitor here.

it is time.

i need to do this.

this is the face of a girl

that lives right behind my house. she moos, and she watches the people stroll by, and meanders through the roomy farm she lives on. we watch her from our house, able to see her walking around, enjoying her life. we walk over to visit her, and moo to her and her farm-mates. and most of all, we hear her talking to her family, and filling the air with her voice. she recently had a baby, and she tenderly cares for her. there are three babies that were born, and the mommies are amazing with them. it is so neat to see it, and talk to my kids about the circle of life.

i love that we live in the fourth (or maybe the third?) largest city in our state, and there is a girl that looks like this behind my house.

she has a few sisters with her, and some two legged animals with wings, too. right in front of her house is a pond with *tons* of Canadian Geese. there are bunnies, and chipmunks, and skunks, and hedgehogs too.

yep, the country is everything that it's cracked up to be. there are three other farms right next to us (and about 10 within 2 square miles!) the largest right near us is that aforementioned girl's, but the next largest is about 3 or 4 minutes walking distance away. there they have horses, lots of them, and my little gal here *loves* to visit her girls at that one. it is wonderful to go outside at night, with all the little house lights on, and just listen to the breeze. the quiet is delicious, and the clean air is spectacular.

i feel so lucky to be here in the place. so very lucky......

a terrific weekend here. fun with some friends friday night at our house, two hockey games (a win and a loss - but very well played, nonetheless) piano lesson (with an awesome report from the teacher that she is doing so, so well!) gymnastics practice, the beginning of some car shopping with a great test drive, some holiday shopping, and now, snuggling with clean kids under a blanket for a good family movie night.

good stuff. 'tis good, I say.

have a great night!

10 things that make me happy today

* a layer of stress has been removed from this house, peace is restored, smiles abound
* my kids laughed ALL day today - with each other
* my son had an absolute blast with hockey practice tonight
* my daughter thought that her 4 hour playdate with her friend today was a slice of heaven sent JUST to her
* my dad came over for dinner and loved the chicken soup I made
* Thanksgiving is NOT at our house this year
* my parents house sold, after 15 months
* I am chipping away at holiday shopping
* my husband cleaned the basement today, getting ready for finishing
* I *MAY* be able to have a scrapping area all to myself down there

what makes you happy?

I have so much to write ....

and so little brain power to do it tonight! ;)

It has been a long week, one full of too little sleep (even for ME!) and full of lots of organizational things - as well as work. (sheesh, you'd think people would understand that I have lots of life to be gettin' on with for work to be in the way. ;)

ahem.

but it was a good week, all the same.

holiday cards are done - even printed! and some holiday shopping is even done - i am chip, chip, chippin' away at that list for Old St. Nick! (just stumped on hubby .... any suggestions?)

got my first-evah mom's (as in MY mom) party invites all set for the handing out. (having her art wares showcased here at my house for a holiday shopping extravaganza ...) very excited about that! she is UBER talented, and finally - FINALLY - has her stock up for selling. have 45 people on the invite list, and all can bring a friend - I secretly hope she sells out of stuff so she can have people pining for her art. :O) it'll be arts, jewelry, crafts, children's clothes, and trinkets she has been making. oh, she is so talented. i am so excited for it! anyone wanna come?

getting closer to the solid plans for Disney after xmas for the baseball tourney.

beginning the pre-holiday purge of kids "things" going - clothes, toys, stuff - so that in the receiving, we are also giving. in addition, getting the adopt a family plans solidly in place as well.

just general good things going on. hair cut tomorrow. out with my cousin in the evening, and then hockey and piano for the weekend. good stuff.

just lots of it.

:o)

I love this

..... and the entire roll of film I shot for our holiday cards!


this is one from the roll, and it's not even the "chosen one" for the cards .... but i love,love,love it!




I have to explain that the photo shoot was such a blast with giggling, and silly faces, and just an overall feel of glee from them. it was a roll of 24, and i am needing to choose only one. ;)

jeez, they are getting SO BIG!

boys ...

here are my two fellas..... well, K's *and* my two fellas.

she and I are the luckiest gals on the face of the earth. aren't we??? look at these two faces, just two peas in a pod ... we were on a trip to the pumpkin patch here afew weeks ago



and this ... this is the smile that melts my heart. and hers, I am telling you. man, she loves her brother, and that is an absolute treasure! :O)





and really, what would a post-Halloween post be without a silly candy haul photo of the cheesy-grin fella? he was mid sentence / song when I snapped, but the glee in his smile kills me. He was Manny Ramirez for the ToT'ing, so that explains the eye black.

good stuff this age they are at. :O)

Be

just like that.


be.

i look out into my world, into the faces of my children, and my husband. They are so content. So pleased with the here - with the now. They are just be-ing.

it is joyful to see it. It warms my heart, and tickles my soul.

i love them.

so very much.

my son had a playdate this week that made him so happy, and so giggly. it wasn't anything out of the oridnary for this kid. he plays everyday. he has friends over all the time. he is over someone's house the rest of the time.

why does this make you so happy? i ask .... because mom, J is so fun, and his house is so cool, and we laugh. A LOT - my belly wiggles when we see each other. :)

i see mom at the store today, and she confirms the giggles that occurred. she tells me that J fell off his chair at dinner he laughed so hard, and she enjoyed having my son with her for the afternoon. you know, she says, his face, i just love his little face .... i think he is the cutest kid in the world. (this coming from a mom of two beautiful, and scrumptious boys, by the way)

yeah, i echo, the giggles are what get me every time, too.

my daughter announced she wants to help people with all her heart someday, and be a doctor. or a veterinarian, you know, i've always wanted to do that when i grow up, mom. but this day i want to help people. maybe i'll help animals tomorrow.

yeah. anything is possible, kid. anything.

unique.
genuine.
gentle.
funny.
open.

be.

I believe ....

I believe-
That we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I believe-
That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I believe-
That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I believe-
That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I believe-
That it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I believe-
That you should always leave others with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I believe-
That you can keep going long after you can't.

I believe-
That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I believe-
That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I believe-
That regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.

I believe-
That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I believe-
That money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I believe-
That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I believe-
That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.

I believe-
That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I believe-
That just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I believe-
That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I believe-
That it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I believe-
That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I believe-
That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I believe-
That just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

I believe-
That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I believe-
That two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I believe-
That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

I believe-
That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I believe-
That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I believe-
That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

isn't that just so true? all of it?

My cousing sent this to me, and I really loved it. I am making a layout with it.

wanted to pass on here .....

A Rainy Saturday

hockey game (at a rink 1.5 hours away). check.

lunch with the family. check.

warm heat eminating from the stove whilst tea is brewing. check.

brother and sister gleefully playing pirates and maiden-in-distress. check.

dogs hovering at my feet awaiting yet the 356786645th ear rub from me. today. check.

pool about to overflow from heavy rains. check.

husband off to purchase pump to evacuate the water from said pool. check.

friends en route from Maine (two couples, one very, very pregnant with twins) for the night. check.

excitement brewing for triple date with said couples arriving for adult conversation and fun. check.

sitters for aforementioned pirate and maiden planned for evening. check.

and it's 1:00PM on Saturday.

Hope your day is as fun, and as filled with things you love!

and here is a little thing I received via email today ... thought it was neat.

The task is what it is. Your attitude is what you decide it is going to be.
Treasure the effort and you'll move effectively through it. Treasure the effort, and you'll joyfully create solid, lasting value.

-- Ralph Marston

yeah, I like that.

a day in the life .....

of us.

I have been feeling especially happy the last few weeks. It feels so good, and so pleasant to be around me - I mean, I am happy to be around me, hopefully OTHERS feel the same way! :O)
I am generally in a good mood, lots of energy, and happy to be *here* in this life. The past few weeks have been especially terrific, and that mood is even more pleasant.

The kids are really enjoying their school, their classes, their teachers, and their relationship building with friends has been going well ( a few snags here and there, but in general typical 7 and 6 year old things ...) I have been asked to be one of the room moms for K's class. :O) Love that stuff. I went to dinner with the Kindergarten teacher and two of the room moms from last year earlier this week. I have no doubt that Mrs. G will be a friend for many many years to come ... I hope so anyway!

The kids are both deeply involved in their activities and really finding pleasure with the fun of it all - a little update on that part of their lives:

Hockey is just amazing this year - this kid is just exploding in his effort, energy, understanding of the game, and his extreme pleasure in just being there. He is the leading goal scorer on his team right now, and they have been some really great shots he's made. The team is really beginning to blend together, and I can see that the remainder of the year will be equally as enjoyable! He's already talking about baseball for the spring, too!

Gymnastics is going so well - she has been doing backhandsprings and back hip circles on her own now for a bit, and she just BEAMS with excitement that she is doing that! She is finding the grace, and beauty in thje movement now, and that adds a whole new facet. Piano is just a treat! She is clearly, and without question a sponge for new things .... she picks it up without much difficulty, and she is happy to learn new things.

My job is keeping me "just right" busy. I am having terrific success with the sales aspect, and the product has been wonderful to work with. We launched a new product and that is just beginning to take off!

Sean is enjoying his job, and the learning curve has been a good ride so far. He is anxious to really dig in deep, and the initial strategy is to meet and greet, and then dig in. He's enjoying it, though.

Unfortunately, no more offers on my parents house. Looks like it will end in a way that we all didn't expect, but they will bounce back without question. I am putting together a "book of memories" of each person's account of the memories that house has brought to them. We are a family of 14 in the immediate family so there will be 14 stories for them to read. We are compiling the book to give to them on Thanksgiving. I think they will really love it. I am also planning a nice Christmas Present for them, related to the house, of course.

So, in all, that's what's been happening. Nothing really crazy, just life - keeping me busy and keeping the family busy.

Good stuff.

I will try and blog a bit more. That's what I'm hoping anyway .....

Number 9 ... Number 9 ...

We celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary Thursday this week, and it still feels so amazing that we are *already* there. It has been an amazing ride, and a wonderful adventure.

Complete with challenges, and bumps, and of course frustration at times, but the majority of time has been wonderful, and fun, and loving, and exciting.

And, the reality of marrying your best friend, and living with your true soul mate, and building your future with him, is just phenominal.

I so often ask why I am so lucky, and why I get to walk in these shoes, in this life with this great guy....

So, thank you, S, for the 9 years filled with everything and more that marriage is supposed to be, for the love, for the adventure, and most of all for the friendship.

143 always,

:O)

* ________________* {insert inappropriate word here}

dagnabbit.

the people backed out of the sale of my parents home.

it's like a bad dream.

so sad.

so frustrated, and so overwhelmingly roller-coastered OUT!

if you have some peaceful, calming, good luck vibes sittin' around doin' nothing, would you mind sparing a few?

:O(

12 months .... and 35 years later

the house I grew up in will be inhabited by another family.

my parents got an offer Friday, and accepted it today. 12 months after placing it on the market.

and 35 years after moving in with their 7,4, and 2 year old children.

their house, my childhood home, is now in someone else's capable (I hope!) hands.

I am choked up with this. it is bittersweet for sure. it is time for it to happen, and it is necessary. but that doesn't make it any easier.

and it will be a very emotional day.

I learned to swim in the very first built in pool in the city there (my dad built it)
I kissed my first boy on the porch there.
I had long-into-the-night chats with my sister, and my friends, and boyfriends there.
I got dressed for my proms there.
I had one of the biggest confirmation parties ever there as my parents were at a fundraiser gala.
my bridal and baby showers were there.
I got dressed for my wedding there, and had all of my family pictures there.
I brought my first baby, at 12 weeks old, home there where we lived for 4 months while we renovated our first home we purchased.

my grandfather passed away there.

so many memories. so many beautiful times there.

35 years have passed, and my family has the memories to prove it.

time ....

I can't seem to find enough of it the last few weeks .... as a result, the computer has suffered with my absence. Thankfully, there has been little complaints from the 'ole fella.

Busy with daily life, and a few extras ...

S was away for a boys annual weekend golfing in the lovely weather of Myrtle Beach, then I was away for work (literally 5 hours after he landed, I was off on a plane ....) for a few days, and, AND the kids never slowed down in consideration of single parenthood for us (the nerve, right?). So, without question, spending time apart has solidified the fact that S and I will be sticking together. At least for another 9 years. (marriage anniversary #9 this week, it's true ....)

the kiddies are doing well. C seems to be transisitioning with some school stuff, and struggling with a facet or two of relationship building. Not enough for us to worry (well, that's not true, we ALWAYS worry, right?) but enough struggle to warrant discussions with him. He seemingly is weepier at odd times for him, so that has our attention, and of course, gives us the platform to open the discussion. He is processing well, and we are feeling that he is handling it. He is responding to the discussions well, and has some good insight into the situations, and that leads us to independently handling it. I will say, all of it just allows us the connection to the little man he is. 'tis a work in progress with growing up thing, isn't it?

K is just blossoming. She is just so connected to the environment of school, and friends, and development. we are just so enjoying her journey. she added skating to her repetoire of skills recently, and seems to really thrive in the adventure. she assures us that "she will not be playing hockey, she is only learning to skate". yeah, we'll see. she is still deeply entrenched in gymnastics, and piano, so this is an additional. thankfully, gym is two times a week, and piano once, so the once a week skating isn't putting her over the edge, so to speak.

other than all of that (good gravy, that IS enough, yes???) life is ticking ....

I'll try and not ignore the computer too much, and get here a wee bit more.

Truthfully, my life is exactly where I have wanted it for, well, for EVER. :O)

have a good night, folks.

And yet, another weekend ....

...is upon us.

This has been a busy week. And the busy continues onward through the weekend ......

I had some work organization to get done, and some accounts that needed to be seen. Then on Wednesday, my dear hubby flew off to Myrtle Beach through this Sunday for golf, golf, beer, golf, and more golf. ;) So I have been a "single mom" for a few days already, and it's going, well, it's going. It isn't easy, but it isn't impossible, either. We have tons of things happening here this week and weekend from a social/activity (as in a wine tasting, a hockey game, hockey practice, a wedding, and a surprise party - yes, I am serious ALL of that!) stand point, so that's been a drag without a *mate*, but other than that, the kids are doing fine - and so am I. The kids had a melt down (I reallllly miss daddy ..... kind of melt down) initially, but it's been better since then.

Went to dinner tonight with the kids to a very kid-friendly, fun little ice-cream-shop-type of local place here. Had a good time, and of course, topped it with ice cream for dessert, them - not me :)

Heading to Chicago for a few days next week for a product launch with my company. Looking forward to seeing the new product, as I hear it is AWESOME, but not being out of home turf, you know? As my friend, Fransie indicated, when the mommy leaves, it's a full time job just to get out the door to go where you're going. So .... during this busy weekend, I will be readying the kids, and the homestead for the departure of "mommy". Thank goodness my hubby is a capable dude, I think I'd just die if I didn't have that .... :O)

SO, with that, off to enjoy the quiet, resting house before the busy begins tomorrow.

before I go, though, I had promised some toothless grin shots of the little K-gal. The really up close one cracks me up, she looks like the Blairwitch project with a silly grin, doesnt she?? Maybe a Saturday Night Live future in parodies? :)

anyway, here they are ... and no, the "picture" hasn't changed yet - not a single sign of a new tooth replacing the ones that left. I'm getting a wee bit nervous. Ever heard of that? It's been two + months. eek, huh?





have a good night, all! and a wonderful long weekend!

Saturday .....

it has SUCH a nice feel to it ...

C and S went to early hockey practice, and a friend of his had a game after him so they stayed and watched. K and I had breaky together, watched a little cartoons (girly ones, SOOOO different from the boylie ones!) and then the doorbell rang ....

the neighbor. i love this kid, C.

the kid that feels so comfy here that even without his buddy C around, he can come in, hang with the lil' sis of his "brodder from anodder modder" and kick up the bowling in the basement, and then play putt putt in the living room with her. They are giggling, and having a blast together.

I have been busy changing beds, doing luandry, cleaning up the little things that accumulate over the week - you know, dolls, and toys, and cars, and books, papers - and just general Saturday morning things. music on, laughter resounding ... good stuff. friends arriving later for some good times too.

good day.

in other news .... the pool is getting closed today :O( summer is really over, I guess. actually, I am not all that sad, as the fall is the BEST time to live where we live. changing of seasons always feels so, I don't know, *right*.

so, happy Saturday, and even Sunday while I am at it.

off to listen to some laughter.

:O)

spelling words

so, each week, the kids get their homework asigned on Monday, for the week. I kind of like it, to be honest. gives us a routine to go with.

C's has been like this: Mondays, write the spelling words 2 times each, math "game" with family member, read and log in your reading. Tuesday, write 5 sentences using the spelling words, math work ... read, log it. Wednesday sentences, math, read ... Thursday, spelling game for test on Fri, math work, read...

so, the last two weeks C's words have been review, he's loving the 'ease' of the duties, and being the comedian that he is, has made the sentences as interesting, and left-of-center as he can. I love the creative juices, no doubt, and he is enjoying the freedom it brings.

so, last week he is finishing up the sentences and tells me to come and read them.

the first four were fine, typical for his thinking out of the box phase he's in.

the last one struck me. initially, I was questioning him on it, but then I stepped back.

"I am the opposite of still"

;o)

how true. how stinkin' true. on so many levels.

love that thought process.

angels

few people know my attachment and belief in angels. I have always felt strongly that they are part of my life, watch over me, guide me, protect me ... you know, angel duties. I have a few personal angels that are special.

driving home tonight, K gal and I are chatting. Loads of puffy clouds in the sky (clearly prompting her to think of angels as we have discussed their innate ability to jump from cloud to cloud with ease ...) and the conversation went like this:

"mom, when angels fly, can they fly anywhere?"

"yep, pretty much anywhere they want to .. wide open up there"

"so, from city to city and state to state?"

"yep, all over, even country to country - France, Italy, China, Spain"

"even to Texas?!" :)

"yep, even that enormous place, Texas"

"do they go really fast, like faster than a plane?"

"I am sure they can go as fast or slow as they want, but sure, fast would be fun, wouldn't it?"

"yeah ..." pause ....pause .... pause ..... "so, mom, once you're an angel, you get to stay there forever, right?"

"well, as far as I know you do, K"

"will I get to fly with all the angels?"

{choke up} "yes, when you are really old, like 110, you can be an angel and fly with all of them"

:O)

Man, I love this kid.

bad blogger, I am

wow. A whole week? how exactly does a whole week zip by at the speed of light?

{sigh}

My life. Our life.

The last few weeks, since school started have truly felt like a dream .... I can't believe we are already in the schedule we are in. It is fun, and exciting, and the routine feels .... right, you know? C's hockey, and K's gymanstics/piano schedules have added to the feeling of routine too. We have been busy, but not "over-scheduled".

I also found a way to get back to the gym. Feels SO good. I literally took the summer off. I was excercising with the kids, and defintiely got my healthy groove on during the summer .... but I took about 6 weeks off from equipment, and weights. I needed to be with the kids. There was no way I was over-programming the summer. So, with me at the gym, them back in the routine of their lives, I just feel like we're on a treadmill. Not going too fast, and not an uncomfortable pace even.

It feels "right".

So, here I sit, the routine moved me forward into a new week. The weather is feeling fall-like, and scrumptious!

Work has been a flury of a schedule I am keeping as well. I still LOVE it. It is such a great job, great company, and great product. I am closing out the quarter, and month today, as a matter of fact, and I will be at 104% of quota for the year. I am so excited about that, and with some more pushing, and closing of deals, I should finish the year at that % and that'll win me an incentive trip! :O) Wooohhhhooooo Costa Rica, baby! Never been, and from all accounts the Corporate head honchos treat the staff quite well on the trips. There are only 10 folks selected (top 1/3 in sales) and their significant others. So, it is a small enough crew that 5 star treatment is a must. S is all giddy with excitement, too. (apparently the golf is world class)

I mentioned C's hockey, we're back in the swing, full throttle. It is, in a word, awesome! He is on a Mite A travel team, and has had 4 games already. He has 2 goals, and an assist already. :o) He is playing really well, and already we see some changes with the new team/new coaches. He really just loves it. We should be in 60 games this year, and about 70 practices. Sounds nuts, but it is spread out from September to April. ;o) Then baseball begins, and he will be involved in a busier team with that this year too. He's all kinds of excited about that!

K's gymanstics is going really awesome too! she is there two days a week, and has just grown by leaps and bounds! She is doing a back handspring by herself now. Back walkovers are a breeze, and she has the prettiest splits! :O) I love watching her light up with it! She is digging piano still, and just amazes me with the understanding of the notes, the keys, and songs. It is such neat stuff to watch the 'sponge' absorb. Her teacher says she is doing beautifully, and she is the youngest student for her, so she is really enjoying the foundation level stuff. I love listening! :O)

S's new job is wonderful. He is loving it. I swear this job was written for him. Sports, selling, and people. The three things he adores about a "job".

oh, the planet alignment is still working ..... trying to catch the star with all the good wishes that are coming this way - thanks for the thoughts! ((hugs))

So, yeah, a catch up, and also a little purging of my brain here today. I'll try to be better writing now that I am in the routine.

Got a neat little thing in email here today, and I wanted to share it. It is one of those *give perspective* reads. I have seen it before, and loved it so thought I'd share, and see what you thought ......

* Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

* Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

* Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

* Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their Maker.

* If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

* Never buy a car you can't push.

* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.

* Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

* Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.

* The second mouse gets the cheese.

* When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

* Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

* You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once

* We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull, Some have weird names , and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

* A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

have a great day today!

Perhaps the planets are aligning .... ?

Okay, don't want to say too much here (so as not to jinx anything ...)

but


sure could use some positive, healing (not the sick or hurt kind of healing, but life changing kind ...) and lucky vibes for some very special people in my family.

some good stuff happened today, that *maybe, just maybe* could be the start of pixie dust for them.

can ye spare any more, friends?

:O)

thanks! (and no worries .... I WILL share the news as it all comes together ..... )

**smooches**

i love them

and all they have to offer .....



there is a transition happening with them, with their worlds. it is challenging me, and I feel distressed, and frustrated. but, the reality is, it is a phase. it will pass. i know this.


they are what keeps me breathing. they take my breath away. they fill me.


i love them.

New lights .....

they simply "make" the room.

I am so tickled with these little additions to my home. 2.5 years I have been looking and contemplating, and deciding, and hemming ..... and hawing.

I dig 'em, I really do.



the color scheme matches the kitchen/dining area so well, and we have blended the family room colors right in, too. The new couch is a deep mustard/earthen tone color.

Love light.

don't you?

First Day

Hard to imagine, but it has come and gone.

Essentially, eventless.

Well, save the tears.

At the end of the day, after coming home on the bus.

Mine. {insert sheepish smile here}

yes, I am a sap. The sappiest of saps, I think.

The morning was good, surprisingly, C had a tummy "ache". He mentioned his tummy felt weird. I gave him some extra cuddles, and we chatted about *maybe this being some worry, or perhaps wonder* about what was to come? He listened, agreed hesitantly (aw, mom, I am not worried - it's school!) but still hopped on the bus biting his lip, looking out the window ...

at me. {sniff}

K was wonderful, and NO TEARS. She was actually trying to help C feel better, and talk to him about his tummy. It was sweet, and kind, and so nurturing. She loves him with every cell of her body, and it is so evident. It is so sweet. She jumped on the bus, and sat right down at the window seat - HUGE toothless grins (you'll see that later .....) and smiled away at me, while blowing me kisses.

:O) That was so much easier than I had expected!

I kept myself quite busy today. Thought about them every, oh, I don't know, minute or so. heh.

Wondering .... hoping they were FULLY enjoying themselves. Knowing that they'd be full of stories, and things, and excitement. While I was alone ... keeping busy.

I was surprised how FAST the 6 hours goes by. And yet, every time I looked at the clock, I thought - sheesh, this is a LONG day. :-)

Then, the end of the day came .... they bounded off the bus

"mommy, you'll never guess ....
mommy, I have gym TWO times a week ....
mommy, we got to have recess today - OUTSIDE for a long, long time .....
mommy, can you believe ...
mommy, *I* don't have homework tonight YOU do here's the paperwork ...
mommy, I felt like I was still in first grade, just a different teacher ....
mommy, first grade was so much fun ....
I shared my snack with two friends, we talked, and I even met a new girl - she is Chinese, and has a really cool way she speaks" .....

and it went on and on and on, for several minutes ..... I drank it in, and gleefully listened as they told me story after story.

And we sat and had our snack, and then the knock came. I knew it would sooner or later ... the bestest buddy down the street, he wanted to play ..... up, and out. There they go. Gone. A flash.

"seeya moooooommmmmm ... come on out when you can ......"

then the rain came. from my eyes. :o( I sat at the table, looked at their paperwork, and their bags, and their snack crumbs. Looked at the remains of the first day of school. The first day of FULL day for both of my babies.

A moment I had thought of, but never imagined that it would be here within MINUTES of me giving birth to them.

I put my hands on my face, and sobbed for a bit.

And then I got up, wiped the table, my eyes, and smiled. Gathered myself, and went outside to play.

With my second and first graders.

My babes whose wings are moving rapidly.

(slow down, please, I am trying to keep up, babes!) ;o)

And here, some cute shots that will help with the meloncholy mood.

4 of the crew from this morning. C's face is just hysterical to me with that weird smile.

what first grader might look like cheering her brother on during the last few drips of summer vacation .......

what a second grader might look like laughing and playing during "a journey" during the last few drips of summer vaca .......

hope you are all enjoying the babes.

Thank you -

I had to come and say thanks so much to the lovely comments on my last (very frustrated, and blue) post. I even have to acknowledge a new commenter ... :O) gee, had no idea I had other 'readers'. :O) Kind of neat! I appreciate the cyber-hugs, and definitely appreciate the validation to my motherhood experiences. ;o)

Things are better. Really, much better.

We have a little chart in place with rewards jointly chosen by K and C, so that seems to be pretty motivating. We have the first day of school tomorrow (so nerves and jitters, and excitement seem to be organizing themselves inside their heads, thus keeping the mischief at bay!) and we have had a great weekend.

SO, with all of that, I am going to get some first day of school "treats" and things together, and I will get a bigger, yet better descriptive post on here tomorrow (and who knows - perhaps a photo or two to go with it!)

thanks again ..... *smooch* to all of you!

The trouble with spirited children is .....

they are very strong willed.

Yes, this I knew.

Many, many years ago.

Aiy aiy aiy.

I swear I feel like I have been "teaching lessons" for a week straight (because every time I turn around there is one to *teach*). I feel like I have not been positive (because I haven't). I feel like I have been handing out consequences left and right (because I have). I feel like I am a mean mommy deserving of the bad mommy award for the week (because I am and I do.)

argh. and wahhhhhhh. and ugh. and {sniff sniff}

This is hard. This is frustrating, and crappy.

Parenting is a challenge, and a very slippery slope at times. What I mean is this: frustration finds a way in, the other adult in the "room" (whether it's reality in the room, or just figuratively in the relationship) gets the backlash of frustration because you can't lash out at the kids. So, in the end, the parenting unit is stressed.

THAT's where I am at.

It isn't awful, it isn't all consuming. I really think it's the end of the summer, and we all need a little jolt to the routine we've been in for 2 months.

Tired. Bored. and just growing up.

My kids are super kids. They are fun to be around, and a joy to be a mommy to. They have tons of friends, and other people enjoy being around them.

They are 7 and 6. They will make mistakes, and they will disappoint me, dh, teachers, each other, family .... etc. You get the point. Why then, if I know this am I determined to get them to see things the way I am looking at it.

I was up until 2:10 AM the other night. Writing. It doesn't seem too late, I know. However, I was to be in the OR at 6:45 the next morning, so it was a 6:00AM wake up. I wrote this: (well, this is a bit of it - it's 2.5 pages)

....... I know that I have been extremely difficult to be around, especially during times of high stress. Although we had a great summer, and we found time to enjoy ourselves, I felt overwhelmed with the need to control so much of what happens here. I cannot. I know I can’t. I just can’t keep myself from desiring that control. I hate that part of me. I want so badly to sit back and “let go”. Live and let live.

In so many ways, I know that I can do that – but only in ways that I am not being judged. For instance, my children’s actions; the way my house looks – neatness wise; my appearance; my children’s appearance ~ all of these I am judged on and I want the control of it all, all of it done, my way, so that when people judge me, it is favorably. It is an impossible dream. It is something I am struggling with. Daily. I know that. It is also ridiculous, and so not important items, I know all of this.

I want to let it go.

I need to know that I am doing okay, that I am getting through the shitty stuff, and celebrating the fabulous stuff. I need to know that things are positive when they are positive, and work together when they aren’t. I would love to be more positive, and find a way to celebrate things, things that are important – like my kids NOT arguing, and playing a game together, or like friends finding a way to get along, and celebrating one another by laughing, and giggling, and loving each other. I want to teach my son that being a good person supersedes winning, at all costs. I want to tech my daughter that people listen better when you speak gently. I want to teach my kids that yelling gets nothing but deaf ears. I want to be a role model. I want to be a decent role model. One that handles stress, and finds a way to rise above and love what is *here* in front of me. I want to be a good wife. A good mom. And a good friend.

I want to be better. I guess, we all do, don't we?

I want to celebrate the positive, and ignore the negative (to a point that makes the point, you know what I mean? Not IGNORE completely, but give the attention to the good stuff, and leave the ugly stuff for the garbage, get it?)

I want to let my kids know that they are struggling through stuff that they will learn from, and gain strength from. I want them to feel good about themselves, and not badly. I want them to know that we believe in them, and trust that they will do what is right, and good, and kind, and loving. And pass on these things to their kids.

I want them to be noble citizens, with hearts of gold, and minds of steel, and souls of goodness. I want them to be loved and love. I want them to show what makes the fabric of THEM. They are noble,gold,steel, and good. They ARE love.

You and I are a strong, quality team. I know that we have what it takes to make it. I feel the strength from our relationship, and our love, daily. But I also know that we lose, like all marriages, sight of this through the reality of a busy family with difficult phases that we go through. 7.5 year olds, and 6 year olds can be difficult. But WE are making it more difficult by not allowing them to be who they are. They are babies in the “big picture”. Wouldn’t you agree? You always make me look at the big picture. You always have a way to make me see the end result – the forest through the trees if you will - and the reality of our kids ages is just this : babies. They can’t possibly have the tools to relate, process, feel, understand, and know what we are frustrated with.

Not yet. We need to train them for many years. And if we keep going down this road, it will destruct before our very eyes. I know I will.

C understands feelings, and he is now “getting” that he is hurting feelings of others; it’s going to be a long road to teach how to stop and think BEFORE he acts. Boys, especially little boys, are impulsive, and “living in the moment – moment to moment” kind of people. He is a gentle soul, with a strong spirit. He is a kind kid, one with loads of love.

K can’t hear herself scream like that. She is now grasping that we are climbing the walls when we hear it. Girls get their attention from the whining that they are famous for. Again, it’s going to be a long road before she can squelch the impulse to squeal for attention. We’ve been giving it all along. She is warm, and loving, and giving, and thoughtful. She is a wonderful, spririted kid.

These things I know, and I can rationalize them here. In writing, on paper. I cannot, for the life of me, see through that darn forest to rationalize it in reality when I am IN IT WITH THEM. I know that you have a hard time with this too.

This, this is where I need your help. I need to back away from the negative behavior, and praise the good behavior. I need to keep the point going that “ _______ is a better way to act, and opposed to ______ being the bad way to act”.

Toddlers need positive reinforcement, heck, WE ALL do. I have not been good at that lately. Probably ever, honestly. I am sorry about that. I want to be better at it. I want to give kudos when it’s deserved, and also when it’s just something little.

Spreading love.

Spreading celebration.

Spreading cheer.

Not worrying about being judged, or judging. Not worrying about who will get a big head.

Positive reinforcement.

Loving the goodness in us all.

I bet we can all benefit from it. I believe in this family. I believe in each of you. I believe we can get through this, and find the way to relating better, and processing all the crap that we have to.

I believe we can be better served by celebrating each other. Loving one another more, and showing it, telling it, and FEELING it.

I am sorry for the angst; for the frustration I have caused; for the crappy attitude. I am sorry for the aggravation.

I love you more that you know. I love all three of you, with all of me.

Let’s work on this.

what a transition weekend!

We had a perfectly, unbelievably, FEMALE weekend! :O)

We rearranged three rooms completely, and also changed 4 lights that have desperately NEEDED it!

Yahooooo!

We purchased a new living room set, with a beautiful chair and ottoman, moved the current living set into a completely unused room and are making that into a kids TV room (close to the kitchen)moved that furniture (antiques - couch, two chairs, and desk - very beautiful - but not for a family room) into our bedroom, and hallway upstairs, and rearranged an area in our room that was being used as storage, and now is a reading nook, with that furniture.

The lights are wonderful! We removed one hanging one from the kids TV room and placed a cap on it, no overhead light now! (initally designed to be a dining room, but our kitchen is the open concept with no walls separating two rooms, and we have the dining table in it, with the family room off that straight ahead) and we replaced the over-the-sink one, the over-the-island one and the dining room table one.

I love, love, love them! It makes the whole room seem different, and prettier! YAY! And believe me, it has been loooooooong overdue! We have lived with these really ugly lights for, er, two years :-\.

I had been looking and looking for new lights, for about, oh, 2 years, and never found *just the right ones*. Then, yesterday, spur of the moment, I was in a store, looking for something else, and BINGO! there they were! (love that impulse buying thing, especially when it works out for the best!)

So, this rearranging is all on the heels of a massive clean sweep in the kids rooms, and our room.

Stuff clearing - mind cleansing - excess removing.

I just found some time to clear out "things". Big bags of good will things. Big bags of hand-me-downs to friends. Big bags of toys for our old pre-school.

I feel like I have a new house. :O) It is so cool.

I will get some pics posted soon ...... very soon.

Today, my dad is getting cable in the kids TV room so that's the adventure for the day. :O)

yahooooooooo!!!

I'm in the search for some more cleansing, so I need to find a needed area ..... :O) hehehehehehehe The Fly Lady would be so proud!

Weird? Who's weird?

So, I've been tagged by my friend Kim and I wanted to play along. I don't necessarily find this stuff weird, but then again no one ever thinks they are weird themselves, right? :-)

So, here I go.

1. My dog, Cleo. She might be the weirdest thing I have ever seen. She is an almost 4 year old Cocker Spaniel, light beige/white in color. She lays ON our Chocolate Lab. I don't just mean lays on his front paws, and stretches out - no, I mean backs up, hikes her hind legs up and over his back, and lays on top of him. (her front paws around his belly, hind legs tucked under her on his back) He lets her. She sleeps there. All night.

2. My husband says it's weird that I can start a conversation with anyone. Anywhere. Anytime. And I am sincere, and jovial with them, often finding many similarities with that person. Just chatting.
(by the way, I don't find this weird, but rather friendly, if I say so myself) :)

3. I cannot go to bed if I feel the slightest bit grungy, or sweaty, without taking a shower. I will shower that night, sleep, and in the morning shower for the day, the next day.

4. I can't keep messages in my email inbox. I read them, reply, delete. I hate having "that much stuff waiting for me to get to it"

5. I could eat soup every day of the year. Pretty much any kind of soup.

So that's it. Not *that* wierd is it?

;o)

Six

My baby turned Six today.

My baby. The youngest. The little one.

I can hardly imagine it.

:O) :O(

Both of those feelings are simultaneoulsy filling me. This is making me teary, though. The baby is gone. Long gone. Those wings are really evident now. {sniff sniff}

She rose at 6:00 AM - a good two + hours earlier than the summer rise-and-shine time of 8:15/30, so that was a surprise. She actually just laid down again, as her party with friends is this afternoon, and my fear was sheer exhaustion by that time! She went with only a brief "no, mommmmmmmmmy", but then was easily convinced that it was a really 'smart, and big girl decision to make". ;o)

We had a birthday party for the family Sunday here, it was a celebration of all the family's August bdays (there are4 in the immediate family) so that was fun - she got some presents in the mail - an American Girl Doll with accessories from a very special auntie! - and as I mentioned she will be having her friends here today.

So, I think this makes it completely official. No Kindergartener here anymore. A six year old, and a seven year old kid. First AND second graders ..... big elementary school kids.

{sniff sniff} but huge grins that we're doing this thing called life too! :O)

Happy Birthday, babe!

Changes

Tomorrow rings it in.
We have been waiting for this day.

S starts a new gig tomorrow. This career, and I mean that, CAREER, is without question - written for him.

He will be in the arena of selling - on the road.

He will be selling sporting good equipment through a distributer, a start up, family owned, small company. He will NOT be a number in a comapny of 200,000 people. He will be the sales rep for the company. The owner will be working with him side-by-side. He will be making a difference, and finding some amazing niche that has truthfully,

been waiting for him.

I am so excited for him.

I am so excited for us.

He will be enjoying himself, finding that place of peace. The wonderful environment that he will be an impact player. A deal maker. A needed person - NOT a number.

This was SO the right move.

I am so excited for him. :O)

The right time.
The right place.
The right people.

I freking LOVE it when it comes together for people that SO DESERVE it.

Rock on, S. I love you!

The Power of Will

The battle of the stubborns.

Why do children think they can out - will their mother?

Are they not given the note at birth that their mother has the will of 1,000 times her body strength?

Is there not a communication from the kid-directors that they need to step back and realize that when the going gets tough, the mother will win?

Have they not been paying attention these 5 years 11 months and 361 days?

Do they make girls all the same though, these angels that make people?

Are the girls of the world prepared from the moment they are conceived to be resistent to things that "aren't fair, and not right"?

Are girls persistent because if they give in, someone, somewhere will hear it / see it / know it, and forever they will be labeled as a giver-upper?

Oh, dear me. I think I am being tested. It is entirely possible. I know this.

That child, she has the strength of JOBE.
She is persistent.
Willful.
Intolerant of injustice (in her mind, anyway).
Stubborn.
Demanding.
Unreasonable when she is stuck in a "moment".

And dang it all, freaking *just like her mother*. :o
But, in the spirit of acceptance and love - I am in a place that I learn and fall DEEPLY in love every day, to a WHOLE new level with WHO my children are; I am accepting and loving the fabric that they are made of - I need to say

She is ALSO:

demanding.
persistent.
stubborn.
intolerant of injustices.
willful.
strong beyond her years.
not easily swayed of her opinion.

And she will never let anyone step on her, push her over, persuade her to "give in", or force an unwanted activity.

She may just be President someday. :O)

Maybe.

Home

Had a blast! 20 years is a blink of an eye! ;o)

Kids completely enjoyed hanging with auntie Amy, did all things kid-like. :o) Water slide park, AAA baseball game (Cam and Uncle Jon - boy bonding), bead store to make jewelry for mommy (!) and girls night movie watching while doing hair. They have had thier FILL of sugar according to Auntie. Likely *more* than they've had in the lifetime all smooshed into one day. (Auntie said she saw the wrath of sugar high in one particualr 7 year old boy - learned THAT lesson, didn't we??!!)

Hung with S's peop's and caught up with all the folks. Saw one of the couple's expecting twins in Jan - cute, pregnant lady!

Good times, glad to be home. Kids sound asleep, happy as can be.

Heading to bed.

Off for the reunion

Hard to believe it. I am having a hard time even saying it to people that ask us "why are you heading to Maine?"

20th High School Reunion.

1986

Seems.like.yesterday.

Seriously. In that amount of time, SO much has happened. College, Div I swimming, career moves, marriage, kids, two houses, two dogs, *my* kids starting their schooling .....

I am now at an age that I remember my parents being. I thought they were unstoppable. They were the coolest people in the world. I was 14 when my mother was my age, and I was the third child. My brother was 19 - IN college. And they were married for 20+ years at that point! Here I am with a second grader, and a first (gulp!) grader.

And I am heading to my husbands 20th high school reunion.

Holy.stromboli. :O)

How very cool. And scary at the same time. Mine is in the fall, around Thanksgiving. I bet that one will feel even more strange.

So, on another note, I think my 7 year old might just be plotting my insanity.

That child, that sweet, perpetual motion, gentle, active, smart as a whip, funny-as-all-get-out, little squirt is.killing.me. He and I are driving on different maps right now. Horns are butting. Ideas are NOT meshing. The messages are unclear.

But, alas, he is 7-and-a-half. He has never been a good and-a-half transition. He is a little nervous about 2nd grade, understandably. Big moves from 1st grade/primary level to more homework, harder materials kind of things (or at least that's what all his hockey buddies tell him he should expect) He is beginning to worry about appearances (egads, huh?) and that certainly is a topic for us consistently.

But he is really struggling with his sister, who for all intense and purposes is so loving, and so caring, and so worried ABOUT HIM. It is unreal. She and he are complete polar opposites. I said to my husband today (and he agreed, by the way) that they are mini versions of adults. She, the female, is worried ONLY about everyone else that is in the world ("Oh, mommy, look that person is eating alone, I'd like to go and eat with him so he's not so lonely") <----- TRUE conversation!!! and He, the male, is worried about NO ONE but himself, you know the kind - *world revolves around my head, yes?* So, as he communicates with her, he taunts, and teases, and flusters, and pisses off his sister.

Rite of passage, sibling rivalry. Yes, I know. It darn well STINKS. 'Cause remember, I am a pro at weilding taunt - I *am* the third child.

It is a phase, it, too, shall pass. I know.

And until then, I will breath heavy. Lay down the law (or at least the rules as best I can) and look at these faces and love them for the love they give me.

Because for every irritating scratch, there are 7 wonderful, silly, fun filled giggling moments that these two have, and that warms my heart. (thank god, it might stop ticking soon, and if someone will need it, it has to be warm, right?) ;o)

So, off to pack, and ready the house for the weekend.

I leave you with this fabu picture of the faces of pure, simple, love.

g'night

Proof that it really DID happen

yep, all 15 in a shot together.

What a great day!

Aren't they all just beautiful?! :)

life is for living

my children teach me that every day.

every day.

their spirit, their energy, their voice, their charm, their love ...... no one, not a soul that encounters them doesn't smile. I watch it. I am not shamlessly bragging. They are living life to the fullest. It is captivating.

The interesting thing is this: it can move you in ways you've not felt, and it can drive you to the edge. I mean it. I love spending time with them, adoring the spirit and the energy. And there are days that I am exhausted from the "buzz".

They rise at reasonable times - sometimes 7:30, maybe 8 AM, sometimes 8:45 AM lately (summer seems to be carefree that way) and they peek in to our room to see where we are - in bed, in the bathroom, wherever. They will head down to the family room, and typically C is up first - Sports Center goes on. K will sometimes sneak in to bed with me, and steal that all important snuggle, but she can sometimes be found with him on the couch watching, ever so intently. Trying to climb into his head, seeing what drives him. Not one single bit interested in Sports Center, but relationship building with her big bro. Not many words are heard, perhaps one or two. The morning wake-up is reasonable, and pleasant. But still, slow.

S comes down to do the breaky thing, fold some laundry, begin his morning routines with them. I listen, with one ear only to the chatter, but not hearing the words. it's their time, their moments.

I hear the laughter most often. Then the motion begins. It's as if daddy brings "it". Movement, energy, living. The house begins to live.

Feet pitter pattering, giggles, chatter, talking, requests .... life.

From the moment I descend the stairs, I realize that my time, anything that *I* need to do will come second. And I am okay with that. They are living. They are teaching me to just be.

The last year and a half has been a revelation for me. I have changed my thinking, my drive, my focus. I am NOT about the job, any job. I have no issue with taking a moment, taking a deep breath to re-evaluate what's important. It is absolutely because of them. I have been changing my thinking for 7 years 7 months and 8 days.

Because they teach me to live.

I am grateful for that. Ever so grateful.

But I still need to gain more perspective. I still need to work at it.

I hope for more:

patience
peace
gentle words
understanding
forgiveness

with these I can continue to live. To be.

wow, a whole week?

That might have been lightening speed ......

Truthfully, outside of life in general, there isn't even that much exciting to report ....

My last post, the day before the butterfly zoo, and Save the Bay Expo (fabulous day with the kids! - pictures to come, I swear ....) I was pretty sure that life was just motoring along. I guess it was.

So, let's see -

C has swimmer's ear. Saw the doc on Monday, has ear drops - hates them. Ear seems to be improving, despite the struggle.

K has had her gymnastics canceled all week due to extreme heat - as in over 100 degrees. Spent loads of time in the pool, or in the A/C. She had a tough night last night, and recieved a punishment today that *may* have done the trick ... we'll see. {girls ... they can definitely test the boundaries differently!)

I was in NYC for 24 hours for work. Enjoyed it, but felt like a wee bit of a waste of time, however. Not to mention out of my territory, and not selling to my accounts. Always frustrating.

And as is the routine here, my kid lost her tooth while I was not in sight - not even within hearing distance. I was in NYC. :O( I have YET to see one, that's right, ONE of either of my kids teeth come out. Isn't that unreal? C's lost 8 and K's lost 3. Not one have I witnessed. It has now become a joke to them, and inside, I am melting as I grapple with the loss of that babydom. Perhaps the "tooth fairy" knows I will crumble if I witness it occuring before my very eyes.

We power washed all the teak furniture, and now working on the deck. Looks amazing, and I love the color it becomes. But holy stromboli - time suck!

Oh - geez - forgot this piece of GREAT news, S got that new position he was going for! THAT is fabulous news ......he is so excited, and so relieved. He has been increasing in aggravation with the old company, and it was so blatantly obvious that he needed to move on. Then this perfectly designed, and perfectly structured position shows up, and wham! All good. :O) So, he starts in a few weeks. After his notice time, and a vacation, of course.

Oh, and we have his high school reunion next weekend. 20 years. T.W.E.N.T.Y.

{sigh}

I cannot even believe that. Mine is in the fall .... I can remember high school like it was yesterday. Okay, the day before yesterday, but still .... :-\

Looking forward to it, he has a fantastic group of friends, all of which he is still great friends with. We'll spend the weekend there, and catch up. Looking forward to it, and I have a really pretty skirt I found the other day - just need a top and some cute new shoes. I'll have to get him something groovy to wear too. Always fun to do that. He has such flare for color, and always ventures out to something different. I love that.

Actually, that's one of the many things I love about him.

Alrighty, I think that's it.

I will try and be here more often.

Perhaps it was a sign that life was just motoring along. I like that.

seeya ......

Summertime - Funtime, little update

So, yes, we are enjoying the summer. The kids have had a blast. They have a list going of all the things "we did on our summer vacation" and it's hanging on the 'fridge.

For two kids who have been out exactly 36 days tomorrow - they have already filled an entire sheet of paper! (granted, it has things like "friends over to spend day swimming in pool", and "sleepover with friend" and such, but hey, it *was* an activity different than the mundane school days life, yes?)

Today, I wanted a little break from our house, and our neighborhood, you know change of scenery. So we went on a little errand/fun run all three of us. We got C's hair cut, and K had some really cool twisties put in her hair, too; we picked up a gift card to a coffee shop that I won from a radio station - $50! gift card - woohoo! Spent some time with my mom; and hit the library to turn in our hour cards, and receive this weeks prizes for reading.

By the time we got home again, we had a little while before K's gymnastics (she can do her backhandspring ALONE! :O) some friends from dh's work came over this afternoon for a little bit before dh went to his baseball game, to swim, and wrestle with the kids in the pool (they love our kids) That was the day ..... it was a nice day. Really nice.

And we got some encouraging news from this career opp that S has before him - the manager had asked him in tomorrow morning for another "chat" about details, and he phoned several of his references today. (always a good sign!) This is something he is so interested in, and SUCH a great fit for him. Time for a change from his 7+ years at the current employer. He is so ready to expand and explore. So ready for something to excite him professionally again. So if you have any extra pv's hanging around, could you send them S's way for this "chat" tomorrow?

The kids and I are heading to a butterfly farm, and a Save The Bay ExpoCenter tomorrow, and they are so excited about it! (me too!) I will be sure to have my camera, and post them when I get them all back.

Oh, and K is in *crisis* with this hanging-by-a-thread front tooth. Dear me. If that thing isn't out soon, I may have to take some drastic measures, and yank the sucker out. (bloody toothbrush tonight sent her to the stratosphere. can you say d.r.a.m.a )

So, that's the little bit I have. There's been a nice lull for a few days. I'm sure it'll pick up again.

Off to bed with me, now ..... g'night.

15 kids under 7.

You read that correct.

That's what was in my house. Today.

What an absolute BLAST!

My girlfriends from childhood (seriously, as in Kindergarten friends .....) were all here for a reunion of sorts, and a gathering of our combined 15 kids.

I was misty eyed looking at them all. My two - the BOTH of them - are the oldest of the group. The youngest was four months.

It was awesome.
It was bedlam.
It was mayhem.
And, well, AND, it was fahreaking FUN!!!!! :O)

Only bad thing was one of the 3 year olds twins here is a bit of a wild man, while running track style in my house, ran straight into the corner {read- pointy corner} of my kitchen island and required three stitches to his head. Poor sweet fella, and m&d. Amazingly to all of us (because the twins are a very busy duo), this was their FIRST visit to the ER.

All was fine, and it was a 75 minute visit. Not bad. He got loads of presents there, and Buzz helped him "survive the visit". :)

So, I have a fabulous group shot, of course, IN my camera.

Oh, and yeah, about the digi thing - you know that you have issues when one of the four 3 year olds here walks up to you after snapping said photo, and asks "can I see?" and you say, "see what, honey?" Three year old looking perplexed at my questions says {get a load of this balogny} "The picture you just took."

:o\ As she is turning my 35MM around in my hand to see the window.

{sigh}

Three year old converts.

They start them ENTIRELY too young.

heh.

So, off to bed with me. A wee bit fatigued.

Gleefully fatigued, but still.

Fear

What would you do if you weren't afraid?

What a question, yes?

I was reading a blog, one I read from time to time - Cathy Z and she had an entry last night about the last time you were fearless. The idea was generated from a moving letter she read in a scrapbooking magazine. It has had a powerful impact on her regular readers, and commenters.

I typically don't post on blogs of folks I don't know, I think it just feels odd that I haven't *met* them, so I didn't comment there, but I needed to make my own journal entry. (and hey, it's a fab topic for sure.)

This topic has come up often for me with regards to my work. On a business front, I am a different person than my personal front. I have very little fear personally. Sometimes, I would even guess that I venture far too close to that edge of fearLESSness.

From a business aspect, sales specifically, I have far more inhibitions. I am fearful mostly of what people will think of me. What I mean by that is this - will I present a solid level of knowledge of my product, from a clinical standpoint, am I smart enough to go "toe to toe" with a Physician in the OR, will I be able to answer the questions about their challenges with my product, etc.

The past year has been an incredible growth year for me. I am new to the arena of anesthesia, so I have been on a high speed train of learning. And with that, I have had to ignore the strong feelings of inhibition, because frankly, I have a job to do of which the success or failure of said job, directly affects my income. So, my fears have had to be put to bed, in many senses.

From all accounts, I have been successful with that. I have become more confident. I have learned an awful lot. I feel comfortable going "toe to toe" with Docs and CRNA's. I am not afraid to ask for the business.

But, it hasn't been easy.

When we've been in training (and this company I work for has a solid, yet evolving training program) I've gained knowledge, and more importanly at this point, confidence and strength. A question that they ask us all the time is"

"what would you do if you weren't afraid?"

So, for me, it has been a tremendously thought provoking, and deep soul searching kind of question from a professional standpoint.

I ask myself that question an awful lot. Cathy, if you read this (uhm, likely not) the last time I was fearless was this past year. Jumping in two feet to this new position (2 years soon ....) and finding the strength to not be afraid.

I hope I can instill in my kids to be fearless. It is a gift. It is a journey, too, however.

So, with that - what would you do if you weren't afraid?