emerging ...

slowly, i think. from the place that i was. i am feeling like i am getting into the groove of things, and back to the 'old self. i'd love to share some photos from our west coast trip ... so ...

i should start with this:

san fransisco is an incredible city with magical qualities of beauty,kindness,heritage,beautiful people, and culture. i fell in love. i did, no doubt. we had a "in-a-lifetime" type of trip (not necessarily *once* in that lifetime, we plan on visiting again, yk?)

but it will forever be the place that sean, bryan, susie, and i convened prior to bryan's deployment to iraq.

it was beautiful, and necessary, and needed. it was emotional, and wonderful, and enriching, and heartwrenching, and painful all at the same time.


we met people, and made connections that are impossible to put into words. really. there are stories that we have to tell about those that we met, by chance, 3000 miles from BOTH of our homes. there was an overwhleming amount of kindness expressed to susie and bryan, and even us, from those that knew he was deploying. dinners were payed for, drinks we bought, hands were extended with warm hugs, and encouraging words of 'just come back safe, Bryan', from people we had just met. he was given things to bring with him for safety, and things he was told to return with safely. he was thanked countless times.


it was awesome.


it was also hard to let him go, and get on his plane.

i watched him, and let my stare linger, as he disappeared beyond the door. my thoughts waffled back and forth from ' oh, god, what if this is the last time i see him ever again, what'll i tell the kids we said to each other?'. to 'be safe' to 'don't go' to 'come back, i need one more hug'. inside i was screaming, wanting so badly to run and get him, and on the outside i was strong. so ... opposite of me, normally.


he's in california again for some training before he goes to iraq in july. one month. one.

to say that we've been recovering is an understatement. it was an emotionally, and physically draining trip, that lifted us up all at the same time, as i said. but the 'post-vacation-hangover' has lingered longer with this one than ever before. I've never felt like this before, and i am working hard at processing what we're dealing with. i'm scared, and nervous, and angry, and sad, and terrified.


i will be here more often, to write, and 'purge' i suspect. there are some other things fluttering about that have kept me pensive, and disturbed, unrelated to bryan and susie, but rleated to sean's family, so i'm chalking this time up to 'in-law angst'. heh. (you know everything needs a title, or a 'category' right?)


on with the snaps -


here are the 4 of us, on the second day, heading to do some shopping and sightseeing. (get used to B's outfit, he packed very lightly. dang Marine's, they really get used to NOT having clean clothes. sigh.)
B & S in the redwood trees at Muir Woods - they were doing "this is what a little kid squeal is like because mom wouldn't stop snapping pictures" (!) yeah, realll funny, fellas.




the quintessential SF shots - the Golden Gate Bridge as you pass over it towards Sausalito. hmmmmm .. so nice! and the sourdough bread at the bakery on Fisherman's Wharf, they made animals all week long, and displayed them in the window. (we stayed on the wharf) yummiest bagel evah!.


a brother sandwich of me at Muir woods. (i have to add here, this might be the first trip EVER where there is more than one shot of me!)

and an early evening shot as we strolled to dinner at Alioto's on the water. isn't that gorgeous?

me & he aboard the double decker tour bus around the city. late in the day, and very much having a great time!

finally, for now, a kind of a funny, very late evening shot from saturday night. clearly a few adult bevies had been consumed by the time this was snapped. i *think* the bartender took it, but i could be wrong ....

so, that's what i got for now .... there are 175 more that i have waiting to be edited, etc. i'll be visiting and posting more as the days go by over the next weeks. i'm also working on a project for Bryan and Susie with the photos, so i'm motivated to get them done, and it's certainly therapeutic.

alas, sorry for the lengthy break ... i think it was something i needed to do - on many levels.

ciao. :)