The trouble with spirited children is .....

they are very strong willed.

Yes, this I knew.

Many, many years ago.

Aiy aiy aiy.

I swear I feel like I have been "teaching lessons" for a week straight (because every time I turn around there is one to *teach*). I feel like I have not been positive (because I haven't). I feel like I have been handing out consequences left and right (because I have). I feel like I am a mean mommy deserving of the bad mommy award for the week (because I am and I do.)

argh. and wahhhhhhh. and ugh. and {sniff sniff}

This is hard. This is frustrating, and crappy.

Parenting is a challenge, and a very slippery slope at times. What I mean is this: frustration finds a way in, the other adult in the "room" (whether it's reality in the room, or just figuratively in the relationship) gets the backlash of frustration because you can't lash out at the kids. So, in the end, the parenting unit is stressed.

THAT's where I am at.

It isn't awful, it isn't all consuming. I really think it's the end of the summer, and we all need a little jolt to the routine we've been in for 2 months.

Tired. Bored. and just growing up.

My kids are super kids. They are fun to be around, and a joy to be a mommy to. They have tons of friends, and other people enjoy being around them.

They are 7 and 6. They will make mistakes, and they will disappoint me, dh, teachers, each other, family .... etc. You get the point. Why then, if I know this am I determined to get them to see things the way I am looking at it.

I was up until 2:10 AM the other night. Writing. It doesn't seem too late, I know. However, I was to be in the OR at 6:45 the next morning, so it was a 6:00AM wake up. I wrote this: (well, this is a bit of it - it's 2.5 pages)

....... I know that I have been extremely difficult to be around, especially during times of high stress. Although we had a great summer, and we found time to enjoy ourselves, I felt overwhelmed with the need to control so much of what happens here. I cannot. I know I can’t. I just can’t keep myself from desiring that control. I hate that part of me. I want so badly to sit back and “let go”. Live and let live.

In so many ways, I know that I can do that – but only in ways that I am not being judged. For instance, my children’s actions; the way my house looks – neatness wise; my appearance; my children’s appearance ~ all of these I am judged on and I want the control of it all, all of it done, my way, so that when people judge me, it is favorably. It is an impossible dream. It is something I am struggling with. Daily. I know that. It is also ridiculous, and so not important items, I know all of this.

I want to let it go.

I need to know that I am doing okay, that I am getting through the shitty stuff, and celebrating the fabulous stuff. I need to know that things are positive when they are positive, and work together when they aren’t. I would love to be more positive, and find a way to celebrate things, things that are important – like my kids NOT arguing, and playing a game together, or like friends finding a way to get along, and celebrating one another by laughing, and giggling, and loving each other. I want to teach my son that being a good person supersedes winning, at all costs. I want to tech my daughter that people listen better when you speak gently. I want to teach my kids that yelling gets nothing but deaf ears. I want to be a role model. I want to be a decent role model. One that handles stress, and finds a way to rise above and love what is *here* in front of me. I want to be a good wife. A good mom. And a good friend.

I want to be better. I guess, we all do, don't we?

I want to celebrate the positive, and ignore the negative (to a point that makes the point, you know what I mean? Not IGNORE completely, but give the attention to the good stuff, and leave the ugly stuff for the garbage, get it?)

I want to let my kids know that they are struggling through stuff that they will learn from, and gain strength from. I want them to feel good about themselves, and not badly. I want them to know that we believe in them, and trust that they will do what is right, and good, and kind, and loving. And pass on these things to their kids.

I want them to be noble citizens, with hearts of gold, and minds of steel, and souls of goodness. I want them to be loved and love. I want them to show what makes the fabric of THEM. They are noble,gold,steel, and good. They ARE love.

You and I are a strong, quality team. I know that we have what it takes to make it. I feel the strength from our relationship, and our love, daily. But I also know that we lose, like all marriages, sight of this through the reality of a busy family with difficult phases that we go through. 7.5 year olds, and 6 year olds can be difficult. But WE are making it more difficult by not allowing them to be who they are. They are babies in the “big picture”. Wouldn’t you agree? You always make me look at the big picture. You always have a way to make me see the end result – the forest through the trees if you will - and the reality of our kids ages is just this : babies. They can’t possibly have the tools to relate, process, feel, understand, and know what we are frustrated with.

Not yet. We need to train them for many years. And if we keep going down this road, it will destruct before our very eyes. I know I will.

C understands feelings, and he is now “getting” that he is hurting feelings of others; it’s going to be a long road to teach how to stop and think BEFORE he acts. Boys, especially little boys, are impulsive, and “living in the moment – moment to moment” kind of people. He is a gentle soul, with a strong spirit. He is a kind kid, one with loads of love.

K can’t hear herself scream like that. She is now grasping that we are climbing the walls when we hear it. Girls get their attention from the whining that they are famous for. Again, it’s going to be a long road before she can squelch the impulse to squeal for attention. We’ve been giving it all along. She is warm, and loving, and giving, and thoughtful. She is a wonderful, spririted kid.

These things I know, and I can rationalize them here. In writing, on paper. I cannot, for the life of me, see through that darn forest to rationalize it in reality when I am IN IT WITH THEM. I know that you have a hard time with this too.

This, this is where I need your help. I need to back away from the negative behavior, and praise the good behavior. I need to keep the point going that “ _______ is a better way to act, and opposed to ______ being the bad way to act”.

Toddlers need positive reinforcement, heck, WE ALL do. I have not been good at that lately. Probably ever, honestly. I am sorry about that. I want to be better at it. I want to give kudos when it’s deserved, and also when it’s just something little.

Spreading love.

Spreading celebration.

Spreading cheer.

Not worrying about being judged, or judging. Not worrying about who will get a big head.

Positive reinforcement.

Loving the goodness in us all.

I bet we can all benefit from it. I believe in this family. I believe in each of you. I believe we can get through this, and find the way to relating better, and processing all the crap that we have to.

I believe we can be better served by celebrating each other. Loving one another more, and showing it, telling it, and FEELING it.

I am sorry for the angst; for the frustration I have caused; for the crappy attitude. I am sorry for the aggravation.

I love you more that you know. I love all three of you, with all of me.

Let’s work on this.

what a transition weekend!

We had a perfectly, unbelievably, FEMALE weekend! :O)

We rearranged three rooms completely, and also changed 4 lights that have desperately NEEDED it!

Yahooooo!

We purchased a new living room set, with a beautiful chair and ottoman, moved the current living set into a completely unused room and are making that into a kids TV room (close to the kitchen)moved that furniture (antiques - couch, two chairs, and desk - very beautiful - but not for a family room) into our bedroom, and hallway upstairs, and rearranged an area in our room that was being used as storage, and now is a reading nook, with that furniture.

The lights are wonderful! We removed one hanging one from the kids TV room and placed a cap on it, no overhead light now! (initally designed to be a dining room, but our kitchen is the open concept with no walls separating two rooms, and we have the dining table in it, with the family room off that straight ahead) and we replaced the over-the-sink one, the over-the-island one and the dining room table one.

I love, love, love them! It makes the whole room seem different, and prettier! YAY! And believe me, it has been loooooooong overdue! We have lived with these really ugly lights for, er, two years :-\.

I had been looking and looking for new lights, for about, oh, 2 years, and never found *just the right ones*. Then, yesterday, spur of the moment, I was in a store, looking for something else, and BINGO! there they were! (love that impulse buying thing, especially when it works out for the best!)

So, this rearranging is all on the heels of a massive clean sweep in the kids rooms, and our room.

Stuff clearing - mind cleansing - excess removing.

I just found some time to clear out "things". Big bags of good will things. Big bags of hand-me-downs to friends. Big bags of toys for our old pre-school.

I feel like I have a new house. :O) It is so cool.

I will get some pics posted soon ...... very soon.

Today, my dad is getting cable in the kids TV room so that's the adventure for the day. :O)

yahooooooooo!!!

I'm in the search for some more cleansing, so I need to find a needed area ..... :O) hehehehehehehe The Fly Lady would be so proud!

Weird? Who's weird?

So, I've been tagged by my friend Kim and I wanted to play along. I don't necessarily find this stuff weird, but then again no one ever thinks they are weird themselves, right? :-)

So, here I go.

1. My dog, Cleo. She might be the weirdest thing I have ever seen. She is an almost 4 year old Cocker Spaniel, light beige/white in color. She lays ON our Chocolate Lab. I don't just mean lays on his front paws, and stretches out - no, I mean backs up, hikes her hind legs up and over his back, and lays on top of him. (her front paws around his belly, hind legs tucked under her on his back) He lets her. She sleeps there. All night.

2. My husband says it's weird that I can start a conversation with anyone. Anywhere. Anytime. And I am sincere, and jovial with them, often finding many similarities with that person. Just chatting.
(by the way, I don't find this weird, but rather friendly, if I say so myself) :)

3. I cannot go to bed if I feel the slightest bit grungy, or sweaty, without taking a shower. I will shower that night, sleep, and in the morning shower for the day, the next day.

4. I can't keep messages in my email inbox. I read them, reply, delete. I hate having "that much stuff waiting for me to get to it"

5. I could eat soup every day of the year. Pretty much any kind of soup.

So that's it. Not *that* wierd is it?

;o)

Six

My baby turned Six today.

My baby. The youngest. The little one.

I can hardly imagine it.

:O) :O(

Both of those feelings are simultaneoulsy filling me. This is making me teary, though. The baby is gone. Long gone. Those wings are really evident now. {sniff sniff}

She rose at 6:00 AM - a good two + hours earlier than the summer rise-and-shine time of 8:15/30, so that was a surprise. She actually just laid down again, as her party with friends is this afternoon, and my fear was sheer exhaustion by that time! She went with only a brief "no, mommmmmmmmmy", but then was easily convinced that it was a really 'smart, and big girl decision to make". ;o)

We had a birthday party for the family Sunday here, it was a celebration of all the family's August bdays (there are4 in the immediate family) so that was fun - she got some presents in the mail - an American Girl Doll with accessories from a very special auntie! - and as I mentioned she will be having her friends here today.

So, I think this makes it completely official. No Kindergartener here anymore. A six year old, and a seven year old kid. First AND second graders ..... big elementary school kids.

{sniff sniff} but huge grins that we're doing this thing called life too! :O)

Happy Birthday, babe!

Changes

Tomorrow rings it in.
We have been waiting for this day.

S starts a new gig tomorrow. This career, and I mean that, CAREER, is without question - written for him.

He will be in the arena of selling - on the road.

He will be selling sporting good equipment through a distributer, a start up, family owned, small company. He will NOT be a number in a comapny of 200,000 people. He will be the sales rep for the company. The owner will be working with him side-by-side. He will be making a difference, and finding some amazing niche that has truthfully,

been waiting for him.

I am so excited for him.

I am so excited for us.

He will be enjoying himself, finding that place of peace. The wonderful environment that he will be an impact player. A deal maker. A needed person - NOT a number.

This was SO the right move.

I am so excited for him. :O)

The right time.
The right place.
The right people.

I freking LOVE it when it comes together for people that SO DESERVE it.

Rock on, S. I love you!

The Power of Will

The battle of the stubborns.

Why do children think they can out - will their mother?

Are they not given the note at birth that their mother has the will of 1,000 times her body strength?

Is there not a communication from the kid-directors that they need to step back and realize that when the going gets tough, the mother will win?

Have they not been paying attention these 5 years 11 months and 361 days?

Do they make girls all the same though, these angels that make people?

Are the girls of the world prepared from the moment they are conceived to be resistent to things that "aren't fair, and not right"?

Are girls persistent because if they give in, someone, somewhere will hear it / see it / know it, and forever they will be labeled as a giver-upper?

Oh, dear me. I think I am being tested. It is entirely possible. I know this.

That child, she has the strength of JOBE.
She is persistent.
Willful.
Intolerant of injustice (in her mind, anyway).
Stubborn.
Demanding.
Unreasonable when she is stuck in a "moment".

And dang it all, freaking *just like her mother*. :o
But, in the spirit of acceptance and love - I am in a place that I learn and fall DEEPLY in love every day, to a WHOLE new level with WHO my children are; I am accepting and loving the fabric that they are made of - I need to say

She is ALSO:

demanding.
persistent.
stubborn.
intolerant of injustices.
willful.
strong beyond her years.
not easily swayed of her opinion.

And she will never let anyone step on her, push her over, persuade her to "give in", or force an unwanted activity.

She may just be President someday. :O)

Maybe.

Home

Had a blast! 20 years is a blink of an eye! ;o)

Kids completely enjoyed hanging with auntie Amy, did all things kid-like. :o) Water slide park, AAA baseball game (Cam and Uncle Jon - boy bonding), bead store to make jewelry for mommy (!) and girls night movie watching while doing hair. They have had thier FILL of sugar according to Auntie. Likely *more* than they've had in the lifetime all smooshed into one day. (Auntie said she saw the wrath of sugar high in one particualr 7 year old boy - learned THAT lesson, didn't we??!!)

Hung with S's peop's and caught up with all the folks. Saw one of the couple's expecting twins in Jan - cute, pregnant lady!

Good times, glad to be home. Kids sound asleep, happy as can be.

Heading to bed.

Off for the reunion

Hard to believe it. I am having a hard time even saying it to people that ask us "why are you heading to Maine?"

20th High School Reunion.

1986

Seems.like.yesterday.

Seriously. In that amount of time, SO much has happened. College, Div I swimming, career moves, marriage, kids, two houses, two dogs, *my* kids starting their schooling .....

I am now at an age that I remember my parents being. I thought they were unstoppable. They were the coolest people in the world. I was 14 when my mother was my age, and I was the third child. My brother was 19 - IN college. And they were married for 20+ years at that point! Here I am with a second grader, and a first (gulp!) grader.

And I am heading to my husbands 20th high school reunion.

Holy.stromboli. :O)

How very cool. And scary at the same time. Mine is in the fall, around Thanksgiving. I bet that one will feel even more strange.

So, on another note, I think my 7 year old might just be plotting my insanity.

That child, that sweet, perpetual motion, gentle, active, smart as a whip, funny-as-all-get-out, little squirt is.killing.me. He and I are driving on different maps right now. Horns are butting. Ideas are NOT meshing. The messages are unclear.

But, alas, he is 7-and-a-half. He has never been a good and-a-half transition. He is a little nervous about 2nd grade, understandably. Big moves from 1st grade/primary level to more homework, harder materials kind of things (or at least that's what all his hockey buddies tell him he should expect) He is beginning to worry about appearances (egads, huh?) and that certainly is a topic for us consistently.

But he is really struggling with his sister, who for all intense and purposes is so loving, and so caring, and so worried ABOUT HIM. It is unreal. She and he are complete polar opposites. I said to my husband today (and he agreed, by the way) that they are mini versions of adults. She, the female, is worried ONLY about everyone else that is in the world ("Oh, mommy, look that person is eating alone, I'd like to go and eat with him so he's not so lonely") <----- TRUE conversation!!! and He, the male, is worried about NO ONE but himself, you know the kind - *world revolves around my head, yes?* So, as he communicates with her, he taunts, and teases, and flusters, and pisses off his sister.

Rite of passage, sibling rivalry. Yes, I know. It darn well STINKS. 'Cause remember, I am a pro at weilding taunt - I *am* the third child.

It is a phase, it, too, shall pass. I know.

And until then, I will breath heavy. Lay down the law (or at least the rules as best I can) and look at these faces and love them for the love they give me.

Because for every irritating scratch, there are 7 wonderful, silly, fun filled giggling moments that these two have, and that warms my heart. (thank god, it might stop ticking soon, and if someone will need it, it has to be warm, right?) ;o)

So, off to pack, and ready the house for the weekend.

I leave you with this fabu picture of the faces of pure, simple, love.

g'night

Proof that it really DID happen

yep, all 15 in a shot together.

What a great day!

Aren't they all just beautiful?! :)

life is for living

my children teach me that every day.

every day.

their spirit, their energy, their voice, their charm, their love ...... no one, not a soul that encounters them doesn't smile. I watch it. I am not shamlessly bragging. They are living life to the fullest. It is captivating.

The interesting thing is this: it can move you in ways you've not felt, and it can drive you to the edge. I mean it. I love spending time with them, adoring the spirit and the energy. And there are days that I am exhausted from the "buzz".

They rise at reasonable times - sometimes 7:30, maybe 8 AM, sometimes 8:45 AM lately (summer seems to be carefree that way) and they peek in to our room to see where we are - in bed, in the bathroom, wherever. They will head down to the family room, and typically C is up first - Sports Center goes on. K will sometimes sneak in to bed with me, and steal that all important snuggle, but she can sometimes be found with him on the couch watching, ever so intently. Trying to climb into his head, seeing what drives him. Not one single bit interested in Sports Center, but relationship building with her big bro. Not many words are heard, perhaps one or two. The morning wake-up is reasonable, and pleasant. But still, slow.

S comes down to do the breaky thing, fold some laundry, begin his morning routines with them. I listen, with one ear only to the chatter, but not hearing the words. it's their time, their moments.

I hear the laughter most often. Then the motion begins. It's as if daddy brings "it". Movement, energy, living. The house begins to live.

Feet pitter pattering, giggles, chatter, talking, requests .... life.

From the moment I descend the stairs, I realize that my time, anything that *I* need to do will come second. And I am okay with that. They are living. They are teaching me to just be.

The last year and a half has been a revelation for me. I have changed my thinking, my drive, my focus. I am NOT about the job, any job. I have no issue with taking a moment, taking a deep breath to re-evaluate what's important. It is absolutely because of them. I have been changing my thinking for 7 years 7 months and 8 days.

Because they teach me to live.

I am grateful for that. Ever so grateful.

But I still need to gain more perspective. I still need to work at it.

I hope for more:

patience
peace
gentle words
understanding
forgiveness

with these I can continue to live. To be.

wow, a whole week?

That might have been lightening speed ......

Truthfully, outside of life in general, there isn't even that much exciting to report ....

My last post, the day before the butterfly zoo, and Save the Bay Expo (fabulous day with the kids! - pictures to come, I swear ....) I was pretty sure that life was just motoring along. I guess it was.

So, let's see -

C has swimmer's ear. Saw the doc on Monday, has ear drops - hates them. Ear seems to be improving, despite the struggle.

K has had her gymnastics canceled all week due to extreme heat - as in over 100 degrees. Spent loads of time in the pool, or in the A/C. She had a tough night last night, and recieved a punishment today that *may* have done the trick ... we'll see. {girls ... they can definitely test the boundaries differently!)

I was in NYC for 24 hours for work. Enjoyed it, but felt like a wee bit of a waste of time, however. Not to mention out of my territory, and not selling to my accounts. Always frustrating.

And as is the routine here, my kid lost her tooth while I was not in sight - not even within hearing distance. I was in NYC. :O( I have YET to see one, that's right, ONE of either of my kids teeth come out. Isn't that unreal? C's lost 8 and K's lost 3. Not one have I witnessed. It has now become a joke to them, and inside, I am melting as I grapple with the loss of that babydom. Perhaps the "tooth fairy" knows I will crumble if I witness it occuring before my very eyes.

We power washed all the teak furniture, and now working on the deck. Looks amazing, and I love the color it becomes. But holy stromboli - time suck!

Oh - geez - forgot this piece of GREAT news, S got that new position he was going for! THAT is fabulous news ......he is so excited, and so relieved. He has been increasing in aggravation with the old company, and it was so blatantly obvious that he needed to move on. Then this perfectly designed, and perfectly structured position shows up, and wham! All good. :O) So, he starts in a few weeks. After his notice time, and a vacation, of course.

Oh, and we have his high school reunion next weekend. 20 years. T.W.E.N.T.Y.

{sigh}

I cannot even believe that. Mine is in the fall .... I can remember high school like it was yesterday. Okay, the day before yesterday, but still .... :-\

Looking forward to it, he has a fantastic group of friends, all of which he is still great friends with. We'll spend the weekend there, and catch up. Looking forward to it, and I have a really pretty skirt I found the other day - just need a top and some cute new shoes. I'll have to get him something groovy to wear too. Always fun to do that. He has such flare for color, and always ventures out to something different. I love that.

Actually, that's one of the many things I love about him.

Alrighty, I think that's it.

I will try and be here more often.

Perhaps it was a sign that life was just motoring along. I like that.

seeya ......