hormonally charged

I am.

This sucks.

My doctor said it would happen ... she said, ahem, "as we age, (oh, that started the conversation off well) our bodies change hormonally for sure. Your cycle will be rather unpredictable, you'll feel more wiped out"

I also feel:

evil
edgy
grouchy
short-tempered
unlike ME
selfish (cause I want to run away from me, from them, from life)
plain 'ole unfriendly

but the good news is this: it's going away now. after 4 freakin' days. :o
I.cannot.do.this.every.month.

if I don't get "shot" by someone (could be anyone really, I seem to have distant effects) I just might take myself out of misery. icky.

I never had swings like this, I never felt off kilter, or different than ME. Cramps, and some general discomfort, but only lasting a day or two ~ tops. I'm planning a call to the MD just to let her know I had this happen, just to be sure I'm not missing something; or maybe just to get some validity to the rumor that age does this. ;o) This was the first time it was *this* bad, but I had one other where I felt - odd, so I 'spose it's worth the call.

My sister always had mood swings when we were younger, and even now a bit, but I never got close enough to her to ask about it when she was 'down in the deep valley'. ('cause that's where it feels like you are) Perhaps she can give me some insight into the valley.

The worst part is this: I lost my temper too fast with the kids. I know, I know, we all do it, and we all feel badly. I hate that I was like that. Things have been so good lately. So fun, and energetic, and exciting, and silly, and ... and. And then monster mom came to visit. :o( I apologized to the kids, and told them that mommy lost her temper too fast, and sometimes adults do that, but it's not okay when it happens. Mommy needs to use words just like they do, and all that better-way-to-handle-oneself-advice jumbo. But you still feel like a rotten mom, regardless if you humanize it all.

{sigh}

It is a new day tomorrow, and things will be brighter. I guess I am human. I guess I can be miserable. I just don't like the feeling of feeling like I cannot get out of my own way.

bleck.

Life. Real life.

all the channels.

Tomorrow will be here soon.