.. as fall weekend days pass

we find a way to help them pass enjoyably .....

it's been a while since the last photo - *someone's* face has changed a tad. can you guess the change? :O)

and while she and i were chitter chattering, and giggling, the boys of the 'hood were busy playing a favorite pasttime ... 4square.

such a funny game to me, and SO retro! but oh, the addiction to it is unreal ...

glorious sunshiny day today, yardwork is calling, and the afternoon is filled with a hockey game, then off to listen to a friend play in a band. looking forward to the rest of saturday with all it's relaxed 'want to's'

here's hoping your day is moving along enjoyably!

William Tell Overture for Moms

seriously hysterical. a good friend sent this to me vi email this evening, and i laughed so much my dh came in to see what i was giggling about.

so, so, sooooo fitting right now.

makes you really remember to - BREATHE. :o)

breathe .. slow down .. calmly respond

that was the three nuggets of fantastic advice that a wonderful anesthesiologist gave me today while we were chatting about his purchase of my equipment.

it wasn't earth shattering, or even new to me. i've heard it, i even incorporate it into my life most especially with my kids. well i've tried to do that - most often succeeding, to be honest. what it was for me was a moment. a moment of pause. it hit me. can't explain why his nuggets, on this day, in this location, with this man. alignment of the moons, perhaps, or just a reminder that there are things that happen for a reason.

he and i got into a lovely personal conversation after the business conversation about my family, and children, and husband, etc. you know the relationship building kind that sales reps get to do - that part of my career i adore - and he was in a word, relaxing. he had a wonderful disposition, an incredibly peaceful appearance (handsome, in fact!) and very, well, for lack of a better word, fatherly approach to me. he was quite a bit older (told me his kids are 25 and 23) and has been an anesthesiologist for 30 + years.

i heard the advice. i mean really heard it. so fitting to be delivered by a stranger during the aforementioned difficult time with the little rascally 8.5 year old that i live with (for the record - we are processing our way through it, and finding our groove again; school is even gaining smoothness ... phew!) but he had asked me about the rascals, so i mentioned the 'time' we're seemingly in.

he looked me right in the eye. smiled, and said this:

'karin, just take a breath, ease your mind, stay calm, and respond with gentle words. really, everyday, i look at the folks that i help here with anesthesia - the awful catastrophies (he's in a pretty big Boston hospital with about 15,000 surgical cases a year both pedi and adult) that people are dealing with, and really, does the mundane frustration we handle with our children that are healthy and happy, really matter? do we really need to be so upset with minutia? in the end, we're healthy, and they're healthy. nothing else - NOTHING else matters.'

thud.

heavens, is he right.

i felt like i was awakened. i know this stuff. i'm reminded so often when you hear of an abducted child, or a terminal illness, or at worst, the death of a child. getting upset about my kid testing the boundaries within an age appropriate level is, in a word, minutia.

so today, he rattled my cage a little. i'd been sleeping i think for a few weeks, spiraling downwards, really. not feeling like i was effective, and clearly negatively affecting the attitudes, and intensity of my kidliwinks. don't get me wrong, it was not ugly in the worst way - it was a phase that i allowed myself to be sucked into; and subsequently dealt with the anger that i let that happen, but also the anger that my kids were "not listening ...". of course there is more to the story with my life rolling up like a ball of yarn, and of course there are other factors - we all go through it from time to time. it's life, in a nutshell, i know. but the reality is this: my children are terrific little gifts presented to me to open, adore, grow, nurture, and release when the time is right, with all the magical things that i place in their hearts, and minds. i need to peel off the layers of worrying whether or not they will be well adjusted, and productive members of adult society. enough already, i know.
they.will.be.because.they.already.are.

i dunno what happened today, but i swear, that man cleared some fog.

i guess we all need that clearing every once in a while, don't we?

lessons in life

some lessons are more difficult to handle than others. some come and go and you sigh that relieving breath, and say ... 'lesson learned', move forward and typically (or is that hopefully) don't forget said lesson, too soon.

as a parent, the hardest lessons are the ones that your kid has to bear on their shoulders. a lesson that you find entirely too heavy for their little minds, hearts, and souls to handle. that's when you say 'this stinks' and your heart sags, and your mind yearns for one more year of innocence.

our little c-man is in the middle of one of these.

3rd grade, literally his 6th year of school (if you count pre-school as 'school') and he has a teacher that he does not connect with.
in truth, he doesn't like her.
he told us. several times.

and i think that realization is hurting him.

initially, she was "mean". then she was "weird". then she was "too strict". then she was just "not someone he wanted to be around". this of course, is his perception and opinion on the matter.

and it's the 4th week of school.

*sigh*

i had a ptg meeting and the teacher was there. she got my ear for a few minutes at the end of the meeting, and discussed with me her issues with my little man (hadn't heard her side because her communication methods are, well, let's say, far less effective - read: NON existent - than any other teacher so far he has had).
mama bear was struggling to emerge, but i refrained "her" from making an appearance. i wanted to listen with an open mind, but my heart was breaking into a million pieces with the information she volunteered. (it is fair to interject here that c-man has never had any kind of an issue that the teacher needed to chat with me, or with sean. there has never been a behavior issue, or worse, an effort issue on his part, so far in school. in fact, it's been quite the opposite so far, sometimes to our surprise, but ALWAYS to our pleasure, of course)

so, last night, and this morning, we had another chat about this situation with him. this time, though, the lesson was apparently unavoidable.

cam, you aren't going to like everyone you meet. you don't even have to like everyone you meet. and they, well, they don't have to like you, either.

*ouch*

we discussed the necessity for respect, which is something that sean and i have always insisted upon. that wasn't an issue with him, he's heard that a million times, and recognizes authority deserves, and we insist on, respect. (granted he falls from grace, as we all do, but for the most part, he is a very polite, and respectful kid) but he wasn't recognizing that his lack of effort in the classroom was showing disrespect to not only his teacher, but to his capabilities, something an 8 year old would need to be shown, I am guessing.
he responded very well. he even told me he had an excellent day today, and did all of his work in a timely manner (one issue she mentioned was the fact that he was not completing work she deemed as perfectly appropriate level for him, in a timely manner. she wanted to place a timer near him to remind him of the need for *timely* completion - not something i wanted to occur, but strategies are important to at least discuss, right?)
he also said she was much nicer today. it is noteworthy that our intial impression of her is not strict, nor mean, or even "not nice". she is, for lack of a better description, beige. very UNcharismatic. very UNcharming. very .... vanilla. in a word, blah.

cam however, is very UNblah. he's bright blue. electric blue, really.

the kid has had charismatic teachers every single year. that works with him like a dream. he has a personality that is charming, and fun, and magnetic - he is charismatic. he has loved everyone of his teachers, each year. and truthfully, they have had their strict moments, and cam has certainly received his fair share of reprimands from them. but never, not once has he ever said the words 'i don't like ___' when referring to a teacher. we have also never had a repetitive behavior issue that would lead us to believe he had disruptive issues in school. and never have we heard that he isn't doing his work. ever.

what is clearly apparent to me is his injured ego that someone would possibly not like him. most especially a teacher. i believe that he thinks she doesn't like him, because he doesn't like her, and that realization is painful to him (i haven't asked him that because i am not so sure he can figure that out in his own mind and heart). i am surmising that he has turned off the excitement he typically has because he is unispired by the feelings he is attempting to process.

uninspired as an 8 year old boy in the 4th week of school. unreal.

our hope is that he did make the turn today after we chatted, and discussed "the lesson". the kid revels in positive reinforcement (hello? who doesn't right?!) so we tried to lead with that, and encourage the academic achievements he has always attained, told him how proud we were of his ability to shine and excel at the things he really loves to do. we also told him that his other teachers in the past have always spoken so highly of his capabilities. he then said that Mrs. B doesn't do that, and he wished she did. so i asked him how his other teachers recognized his 'talents' and he told me this: "they saw me do things, and realized i could". so i reminded him that maybe, just maybe, he hasn't shown Mrs. B yet, and she needs to see him shine.

i know we're not the only ones that can see his spirit. i know because he has shown it to many others that mention it to us. i just wish that he didn't have to meet someone that he has to convince he has a wonderful spirit, so early in his life.

but that spirit he has, the one that we see daily, the one that others see daily, will hopefully give her the chance to forget about the difference between beige and bright blue.

.... particularly difficult ....

life.

it can be that way, i know. i just wish it wasn't at any given time.

there's an 8.5 year old that lives here. he has been in a place this year.

a particularly difficult place.

i love him with every cell of my being.

i cannot imagine the me without he.

he is:

joyous, and active, and boy, and love,

and:

he is exhausting, and energizing, and funny, and love,

and:

he is testing, and reaching, and growing, and love

and:

he is funny, and silly, and creative, and love

and:

he is making.me.question.all.that.i.think

and:

he is challenging, and questioning, and inqusitive, and love

and:

he is making me reach way down deep for the strength

and:

he grabs hold of that heart that i wear on my sleeve, and he loves

and:

he loves us with all that he has in his body, and mind

and:

he finds that last nerve to play like his fiddle, and he strums it like no other

and:

he finds that spot in your soul to call his own, and he loves

and:

he is mine.

and i love that most of all.

blathering

so, here i am in need of a blathering of sorts. it's been a wee bit 'o time here, and perhaps a little "chapter format" is in order ... my friend Kim did this on her blog and i mentioned i'd be heisting it as i really liked the idea of it - so here we go.



^>^>^>^>^>^>^>^>^>^>^>^>^


annual family reunion


every year, on the sunday of labor day, for the last 32 years, so essentially my entire existence, save for maybe a few (uhm, guess i'm not counting) years, my italian side of the family has gotten together to have a Bocce Tournament. the original formation of said event was in honor of my late great grandfather's, Poppa, birthday. since then, it has morphed into a wonderful annual event of his children (he had 6) their children (there are 20, i think) and their children (30-something) and now even their children (absolutely countless). so, when it all started way back in 1975, there were probably 30-40 people. cousins, and aunts, and grandparents, and children. i was one of the children back then, obviously, we gathered at one of the family houses, and played Bocce. against each other - for the title: Bocce Champ. we ate lots of italian home-cooked food, and drank, and enjoyed one another. the event sometimes lasted into the late evening, needing headlights from the various cars, or flood lights on the houses. if you and your family won, the party was then at your house the next year. through the years, there were switches to the houses, and the venues, however, my family, and one other families won many years in a row, and it became a wee bit unfair for that same group of people to host the event. so, we started just getting volunteers to have it at their house. this year - we volunteered.


there were 85 people here. 2 kegs, and an unbelievable amount of food. we rented a bouncehouse, the pool was fantastic to swim in with the weather being PERFECT for swimming, and we had 40 quarts of Del's frozen lemonade here, too.


the kegs were kicked by 6:00PM (party starts at 11:00) the food was demolished. (NO leftovers - sean and i were stunned the next morning hunting the refrigerators for some morsels! the horrors!) and the bouncehouse and pool were busy ALL day.


we didn't win the tourney, but that's okay, and we didn't volunteer again for next year, and that's okay too. :O)


it was a blast, and apparently (did i mention the kegs? yeah, i helped .. a lot) everyone felt the same way - LOADs of fun.




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inner-puppy


monster mash. higgy-monster. monster-man.


those three names will be heard throughout any given day addressing the furry addition to the family here.

he is delicious, and really adorable, and truly one of the best things we've ever done as a family. he is smart, and silly, and engaging, and loving. he is a wonderful breed, with the personality that is incomparable to anything i have ever experienced. he is also six months old. today. and that means he is still a puppy. and he found the comfort in his soul, and his heart, to snuggle right in to the house here. he owns the place in his mind, and he seemingly is flexing some muscles. but - he just fits in here.

however, we've become a wee bit more, ah, aware, of our possessions laying on the floor. we've also become a wee bit more aware of training him - consistently. he begins school next thursday. it's time. she's coming here, and training all four of us to work with him, and that makes me happy.

the other two dogs are finding it in their hearts to be kind and loving back to him. the big one, most of the time. the little one - well, not necessarily most of the time, but some of the time. in good time we'll have a cohesive mix. they have their own timeclock, i recognize this. either that, or when he's 100+ lbs, she'll learn the harder way. silly cocker spaniel.

************************************

back to school .... back to routine? or finding a new groove?

so, we've been in school now for three weeks, and in all, a decent transition. not the smoothest we've seen at this house, but then, we've not gone into 2nd and 3rd grade before either.

the big guy has a posse, i know i've written about it before. he's got a good solid 6 friends in school that are inseparable. 5 are in the other classroom. all 5. no rhyme or reason for the separation. principal decides the year before, kids are randomly selected to go into classrooms. probably the same everywhere. he was sad. devastatingly sad, initially. but then, we had the hot dog roast, and he learned that there would be some other old friends, and acquaintances in his new class and perhaps he could make a new friend or two with the three new kids to the school. so the smile returned, and then the first day came. SUCCESS! all smiles with the day. new kids "are really cool, mom!" and "guess what? i have a few kids that were in kindergarten with me that haven't been with me since, that are now back in my classroom!". phewf. narrowly escaped disaster, perhaps? ;o)

the sweet-pea has had some different things going on, too. initially, loads of 'belly wiggles' and 'weird feelings' with the new teacher, new classroom atmosphere (now an open style of classroom versus a single closed one from last year). we worked it out, and discussed it thoroughly, and within a few days, and several carry-alongs with her "girl power" ring (remember that?!) things were slowly beginning to 'unwiggle' in the belly arena. the friends thing was a wee bit touchy for her, too. fears, and unsurety with who was going to be where in the which classroom, where will i sit, who will sit next to me ... you know usual 2nd grade stuff. good news, though, some old very close friends connected with her immediately in the same classroom, and even got assigned a seat next to her. all smiles, and giddy after the first week at school ...

so, where then is the "tough transition" i was speaking of, right? in my heart, it think. i sense some changes with them. the summer was a summer of change, and a very good summer, but changes. they somehow became bigger to me in just 8 weeks. babes no more, they gently, and quietly found a way to become kids. they process differently, and i sense some new and different feeling with regards to the school work, and the relationships there and in their lives all over. positive, and energetic still, and completely loving the whole picture of school, they really, really do. they are just, well, bigger. so, with that said, i do believe it's not as much a challenging transition as it is a new groove. dancing to some new music. :o)

###########################

speaking of music .....

the big guy is going to take up violin, or viola. 3rd graders can learn a string instrument through school, and mom and dad need to have the instrument for them. he chose viola, and the music store mentioned that he should probably go with the violin, although when all is said and done, they mentioned there is very little difference with the exception of the length of the strings.

tomorrow we go to get the instrument, and have him sized. i'll be sure to get some photos of this one, for sure.

his mission? to learn and "bide his time" until he can get ahold of the true object of his desire - the electric guitar. :o)

god i love this kid.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

new job ... new manager

sean started his new gig, and so far he loves it. all kinds of wonderful opportunity and the country is the oyster for the company. his territry is (get this!) the United States. yep, entire country. crazy, but what a ride so far. he seems so happy, and that is worth it's weight in GOLD.

me, well, my manager got a promotion within the company, and that meant a new manager arrived to be with us. i miss the old one for the mere reason he was good. i mean good. the new one could be just as good. eventually. it's a transition (there's that word again!) and so far relatively smooth. it's early though. i like the new one, he's different than the old one, and that's okay.

so, i think that might be it. if you've made it this far, thanks. if not, hey check in tomorrow - i'll have some more photos! :o)

i'll leave with this really adorable shot of the squirt and the monster mash hanging before the bus arrived.

9.11

i thought i would be able to catch up with a post filled with chapters of the last few weeks, however, on this day, i can't.

my thoughts and my mind have been distant today. struggling to feel comfortable, and yet, working hard to move forward.

i remember exactly what i was doing. i was traveling and heard the man on the radio screaming that the tower had been hit. i remember the first call, and every word that was spoken, on my cell phone back home to my family, to be sure all was okay. i remember that horrible, undeniable fear that swept over me. i was 100 miles away from my children, my husband, and my family. my thoughts: bring me home now, let me see them one more time. i have to.

although the time moves on, remembering is essential.

today, for this day, for the families and the world, i will remember.

*peace to you, to all of us*