watching him hurt

might be one of the hardest, and most emotionally charged part of being a parent. seeing your child, the flesh and blood that you created hurt, for whatever reason, brings me to my knees. there has to be an audible sound - a cracking - of my heart breaking. a raw tenderness consumes me as i watch him succumb to the sadness.

he didn't make a team.

it's the first time in his young life of athletics that this has happened, and he feels it. he knows it's the first.

and it hurts.

it was an aau baseball team for 10 and unders. there were 30 kids, the coach was taking 11. he was most likely a "bubble man". sitting in the bridesmaid spot of 12 or 13 as the choice. not selected.

*ouch*

but the silver lining in all of this, the reasonable side - big picture painting, if you will - rejection builds character. rejection makes you relive the moments of the trial, and improve, reach deeper, and be better the next time. rejection makes you more hungry. rejection, especially at this age, makes you realize that hard work will have to carry you, because talent isn't the only thing that can. rejection makes you a bigger, better soul. and it widens your heart to others that have been rejected. the company you now are in has a brotherhood - a strength.

and the determination and drive that you find from here can sometimes be exactly what you're in need of to take your 'game' to the next level. that's the teachable moment here. we're taking that to the bank, you can bet on it. it's fuel, and motivation. it'll be a wonderful carrot to lead the big guy with for many tryouts ahead of him.

in truth, baseball is cam's second sport, but has rapidly become an incredible passion. if we were in a warmer climate, i've no doubt that baseball would move quickly into the #1 spot, but weather limitations to outdoor practices here inhibit the level to which most kids get to. that and the time we spend in the ice rink, as well. so this is a crushing blow to the wee fella, as he played on a 9U aau team this summer (with many of those kids leaving that team/organization due to the coaching, cam decided to go to another organization and give it a whirl) this new tryout was with a more competitve organization, and there were lots of kids looking to be part of it, as well.

watching his reaction to sean telling him he wasn't selected was so hard for me. he took it very hard, and was deeply affected by it. i welled up with tears. sean's heart was visibly breaking, too as cam processed the information. he was devastated.

it hurt, down deep.

and to think - it's only the beginning.

{sigh} this parenting is thing is not easy.