sign of shine

these beauties are in my garden .... and i just had to come and share them with you. it's been raining for 5 straight days here, and today, just moments ago, we saw the greatbigballintheskythatresemblesthesun! it was so exciting that all of us (even the kids here eating from around the neighborhood) all went to the window and said ...."waoh. the sun!" it lasted for about 3.8 milliseconds (at least it felt like that) and then went behind the clouds again.

{sigh}

so, i thought, heck, i'll post a sign of shine and see if i can coerce the greatbigballoffire to make another appearance ..... soon.

but i gotta say, too, do you notice in the second picture, the enormous grasshopper in the flower? that flower is about 6 inches in diameter .... that's one big 'green hopper! :)

so ... hi!

{waving sheepishly from the wings of the stage ....}

oooo, it's been a little bit here. and honestly, i have been meaning to get here to post some things, but life keeps getting in the way. you know, work, kids, husband, house, dogs, kids, activities, kids, husband, work. yada yada yada. we all have the same story.

BUT - i've got tons to say, but no time to do it. i've been cleaning and purging for a few weeks, and today, with my kids and husband. dear heavens you should SEE the basement! there is a floor down there, people! but here's my issue - i don't want to lose the groove i've got going .... so, instead of sitting here, typing, wasting some time, i'm heading to my closet to get rid of many, many things. i made a promise to me that if i haven't worn it in a year, it's going. to a women's shelter.

i've got photographic evidence of the busy we've been in. and i swear ... soon i'll post it~!

so, seeya, off to the closet. :)

nature things .....

we've been playing a little bit here. enjoying the beginning of the fall, and checking into some routine that's been missing.

the other day i ventured to "frog pond" with the squirts. i'm embarrassed to say that i have never been there - it's been 4 years at this house - and i've not gone into the little area the kids discovered and told us all about. they named the little stream-and-brush area that because once they were there, talking and hanging out and there were 4 or 5 frogs just chillin' in the water. in truth, i don't think ANY of the adults on the street have been there, though ..... so, perhaps i was the first. and you know, it's a cute little area. it's a run off location for the rain water from the street. that's what makes the "pond" area. the water looks like a little brook and thank goodness it's clean and flowing only slightly so i'm not too worried about the depth (it's about and inch or so)

it's a little ways into the 'woods' here. it's found at the end of the cul de sac on our street, and it's about 300 yds in. lots of overgrown brush, and grass, and weeds. we sang and laughed on the way in. clearly happy that i was going with them. and with a camera!

and the view through the trees made me stop and think about how much we let get in the way of our day. stopping for a moment to look at the sunshine in our lives peeking through the leaves is so important~

and on the way out of our little adventure .... this is what we found on the weed next to the end of the journey ..... we're hoping to find her again as a beautiful butterfly!

and they just told me that they've seen her in the same location the next day, but the head was pointing in the other direction .... "we're hoping to find a puipa soon, and then the cuccoon, and then the butterfly." :)

so, we're now heading to get some ice cream as we venture off to the airport to get daddy from his business trip.

happy nature!

7 years

and it still feels like it happened last week.
I am stilled by the memories.
I am aware of the wounds that remain open.
I am in awe of the resilience.
and I am forever changed.

like so many.

9-11-01

A few days ago I watched Flight 93. I had never seen it, and truthfully, chose not to see it until this past Monday. But I was moved to watch it this past week. It was close to impossible to watch for me, and so difficult to wrap my head around the circumstances that the families were handling. I cried my eyes out. Every emotion that I felt the day it happened 7 years ago flooded my brain, and tore at my heart. It was so hard to watch. I kept having to remind myself that this wasn't fiction .... this was fact.

Cam had asked to watch it, so we TiVo'd it and I told him I would preview it, and see if he was "able" to watch it. I erased it immediately after I viewed it. There was no way he was watching that movie.

We have changed so much as a society, I feel since that time, and we've seen some amazing things come of it.

I saw this on another blog that I visit and thought it was poignant for the day today. ** update: This is one of Mother Teresa's favorite poems written by a man named Keith Kent .... and it's perfect. and I'm not religious by any stretch. but this hits it on the head.

have a peaceful day .....

Do It Anyway

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway.
If you are successful you will win some false friends and true enemies; Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, some could destroy overnight; Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; It was never between you and them anyway.

watching him hurt

might be one of the hardest, and most emotionally charged part of being a parent. seeing your child, the flesh and blood that you created hurt, for whatever reason, brings me to my knees. there has to be an audible sound - a cracking - of my heart breaking. a raw tenderness consumes me as i watch him succumb to the sadness.

he didn't make a team.

it's the first time in his young life of athletics that this has happened, and he feels it. he knows it's the first.

and it hurts.

it was an aau baseball team for 10 and unders. there were 30 kids, the coach was taking 11. he was most likely a "bubble man". sitting in the bridesmaid spot of 12 or 13 as the choice. not selected.

*ouch*

but the silver lining in all of this, the reasonable side - big picture painting, if you will - rejection builds character. rejection makes you relive the moments of the trial, and improve, reach deeper, and be better the next time. rejection makes you more hungry. rejection, especially at this age, makes you realize that hard work will have to carry you, because talent isn't the only thing that can. rejection makes you a bigger, better soul. and it widens your heart to others that have been rejected. the company you now are in has a brotherhood - a strength.

and the determination and drive that you find from here can sometimes be exactly what you're in need of to take your 'game' to the next level. that's the teachable moment here. we're taking that to the bank, you can bet on it. it's fuel, and motivation. it'll be a wonderful carrot to lead the big guy with for many tryouts ahead of him.

in truth, baseball is cam's second sport, but has rapidly become an incredible passion. if we were in a warmer climate, i've no doubt that baseball would move quickly into the #1 spot, but weather limitations to outdoor practices here inhibit the level to which most kids get to. that and the time we spend in the ice rink, as well. so this is a crushing blow to the wee fella, as he played on a 9U aau team this summer (with many of those kids leaving that team/organization due to the coaching, cam decided to go to another organization and give it a whirl) this new tryout was with a more competitve organization, and there were lots of kids looking to be part of it, as well.

watching his reaction to sean telling him he wasn't selected was so hard for me. he took it very hard, and was deeply affected by it. i welled up with tears. sean's heart was visibly breaking, too as cam processed the information. he was devastated.

it hurt, down deep.

and to think - it's only the beginning.

{sigh} this parenting is thing is not easy.