feeling awful

today was a rough day.

my little one, k-gal had a piece of glass in her foot, and she was completely and utterly unreasonable about the removal of said piece of glass.

i on the other hand was completely and utterly unreasonable with a level of impatience that i've not experienced. it wasn't pretty.

suffice it to say, the glass came out without tweezers, or needles, and without her knowledge of the passing. basically, she was thrashing, and kicking and screaming that it popped out, all while i was attempting to restrain her (good gravy, that child is STRONG). i didn't even know it had come out either, until i felt the 1mm (yes, one milimeter cut) and couldn't feel it anymore.

the mother of the year award was handed to me by my neighbors quietly several moments later. head down, shamefully accepting it.

since the incident, i've been feeling awful. she on the other hand, has completely forgotten she spent 90 minutes (yes, one and a half hours) howling about this.

this is the rarest and ugliest form of parenting. i loathe making this mistake. i loathe losing my temper, and showing her how an adult can be aggravated.

we hugged tonight, and discussed it, and i apologized for my behavior, and told her that i learned a lesson from the incident. i learned that i need to control my aggravation, and frustration and stay calm no matter what. she told me she learned to let things happen, and not try and worry about the what if's. she was terrified that the removal of the piece would be so overwhlemingly painful that she would not be able to bear it. :o\ and i tried to remind her that she once took 11 stitches in her forehead without anesthetic and she didn't remember that.

i don't think that we'll forget this one for a while.

here's to a happier tomorrow. {sigh}

g'night.