Patience

why is it that someone gets ALL of it, and someone else gets NONE?

Doesn't seem fair.

I think that I was given about an ounce. Okay, maybe an ounce and a tablespoon.

I want a gallon.

Really.

I had a frustrating day today. And I lost my patience at 8:00PM with C who was an innocent bystander to the frustration. That sucks. I felt awful, and apologized, but I still feel like the weight of the bad-mommy-award is sitting on my shoulders. :-(

It wasn't even any ONE thing that frustrated the hell out of me, it was several *things* that needed to be done. NOW. And that got me down, and irritated. I was busy with the have to's and the need to's; and the want to's were juuuuuuuuust beyond the reach of my fingertips. I couldn't get them. I couldn't even tip toe over to them and hang on to them.

Well, one I did. K and I decorated for Easter today. Took us all of 40 minutes. :o) And ... good news, our vriendin, Fransie (remember the wonderful Dutch lady that sent us *love* across the ocean?) we got all those fantabulously beautiful, and precious Easter decorations on the branches in the vases of sugar water.
weeeeeeeeeeee! That was fun, and definitely a "want to" {so why am I complaining, right? well, that was truly the only one today ..... and I have been up since 6:00AM that's why.} .... but I am planning on some photos so you all can see them too, and I think you'll think they look terrific, too! (or at least you'll tell me that ;o)

And right now, I am working. I was so good last year with this late at night working crap. So good. I turned off the work computer at 8:30/9:00, "the rest will wait until tomorrow" kind of attitude. Felt great, and even better, I found scrapping with all my free time. I felt like I was spending quality time with hobbies, and such. Now, things have changed a bit with work, the need to be more organized, and better prepared the next day is more essential, and truthfully necessary (coupled with the fact that always leads to more sales = more money, so hard to fight this here .....) in addition, I am one year deeper into the position, and one year deeper into the relationships with folks at hospitals = better/more communication in emails, and internet work, so now I work longer hours after the squirts are sleeping. That means: less time for scrapping (SO behind, not even funny) and less time unwinding. {I am procrastinating some detail work that is due to my boss with the blog entry here .... so this might bite me too .....drag}

And this all means: more frustration on my part because I have to put off the WANT TO's, which leads to short patience. See the evil cycle? ergh.

I need to let it go. I need to unwind, and find some patience. It's not even that I am unhappy with anything. Quite frankly, I love my job. I love our life. I am working out (thank god for that - can you IMAGINE if I was penting all that inside, not releasing?! aiy aiy aiy) I love my kids, I love my husband. I love want to's. I love the spring that is bounding in rapidly.

I loathe have to's. I have very very little patience for them.

I think tomorrow when I get home and C gets home, K, C and I are going to do a want to. Each of us will choose a want to, and complete it.

I am going to have a picnic with my kids in the afternoon. It may be an inside picnic due to rain, but dagnabbit, I am doing a want to tomorrow. And I want to have a picnic. Heck, I may even start the day with a want to.

I want to have more patience with ___________. Really, ALL of it.