how .... how do they just know?

is it innate? is it just a sign? is it being a child that gives you this, ever-present-knowledge of understanding?

my 5 year old has been a challenge , at best, the last two years. she has always been gorgeous, simply beautiful, in a word. I am frightened of the teen years. I am her mother, and she is simply beuatiful. her spirit, her smile, her light, she is absolutely someone I love being associated with. she has a spirit, and life, as a 5 year old with everything I want her to be as a 30 year old. she is love, she is peace, she is incredible. she has been relentless, however. she is a power struggler, an energy hound, a die-hard of winning her way. she is everything I anticipated being a daughter. she is me. mini version. :-\ it's true, I know it. all of a sudden, she is forgiving, understanding, gentle, and "connected" to me. I love it! She and I have connected in a way that I didn't see happening anytime soon. she is delicious-even MORE than what she was before. we laugh, we don't argue, we discuss. we don't play the tug of war, we bargain. she is funny, and spirited, she is a joy to be around. she is in charge, don't get me wrong. she is all about being the lead. but now, she is more forgiving with that role. I get hugs instead of battles. I get kisses, and art work at will. she is a girl, my girl, with my heart outside my body. she is me. I know that.

the almost-7-year old, on the other hand, who has a history of happy-go-lucky, easy going, gentle, kind, keep yourself in the peaceful lane kind of attitude, has become the TERROR that I feared. the last two weeks have been all about testing me, testing the line in the sand, testing daddy, testing the kid sister, testing the ZONE. he has become the BOY !!! Ugh. what the hell happened?

truth be told, he is every bit a funny little shit. I can't help feel this way. I love his core. his being, his zest for the foundation of the soul that we know, he has taught her everything she knows. he is all about moving, and shaking, and activity. he is funny, and zippy, and just plain life to be around. I love his spirit, his laughter, his energy, his attitude, his vip and vigor to get through it all. his will to win, his idea of winning, his soul is good. he is honesty, he is gentle, he is truth. he is everything we anticipated to be a son. he is S in a nutshell. I have two of the same. he is gold. just like her. but he is testing me right now.

ding, ding ..... his turn.

my father, the gem that he is, said to me tonight, december 17, 'he'll pay his way through college for you, you watch'. ah, the amazing being, the creature that stole my heart at birth. that son, the boy that skates with skill, with grace, with every ounce of his being on the ice. it is in him.

the struggle goes away when he does that. I know he loves the game. it shows.

7 is a struggle.

what the hell will 14 be like?