struggle

we've entered a phase. knowing full well, that it, too, shall pass ... the phase is here. it's cleared a path, and it's staying for a little bit. it's also kicking my tail.

3rd grade is a transition. let me start with that. it ain't pretty, folks. what i've got here is a fella with a tremendous spirit, a charged soul, a fun loving attitude, and a go-get-em kind of energy. he is likely a handful anywhere he is, i know this. i live it, too. but not that handful in the way that the old people look at you when you have your rambunctious two year old at a park that won't.stop.for.a.second.to.wipe.his.nose kind of handful. no, this handful is the kind of handful that shouts good.gravy.that.child.is.busy.and.silly.and.magnetic in personality i want to be near him, handful. know the kind? yes, he's mine, i am biased, i admit. but, all biases aside, he is delicious in so very many ways. when the aforementioned old people would unsolicited, by the way, tell me about my hands being full with "that one", i would sweetly respond this way - 'no, actually it's my heart that's more full'. i wasn't being snarky, or rude, or even teaching a social graces lesson, not at all. but i would, quite often, notice that they would visibly step back, and take pause in the moment that this mom loves her rambunctious, energetic, and loving little fella. not unlike most mommies in the world, i would venture a guess. they would then smile, and it was clear i warmed their hearts. much like my heart does when i think of my kids.
so, with this personality, and this amazing spirit that he has. the teacher is so, soooo not what i could ever have imagined would drop into his life. third grade should be fun loving, engaging, sharing, and exciting. instead it's been a ... journey. she obviously doesn't feel remotely close to what i feel about my kid (and i am not naive enough to think that she even should) but she can show signs of liking him. sadly, we are one of 20 or so parents from this classroom with the exact same issues (hmmm ... is it the kids, or the teacher, right?). many have met with her, and discussed the issues, and strategically attacked the "behaviors of their children" with her. we on the other hand, haven't sat down officially, rather, we've talked unofficially at PTG meetings, and open houses, and when i am in the school, and she can speak. yesterday, we got a note home. among the issues addressed:
* forgetting his mail at school often (cubby filled with papers for children to bring to parents for communications as well as consistent description of work they are doing)
*in that mail, a notice that he had a unit test TODAY and he hadn't taken the notice home to us or the study guide (gee, setting him up to fail that test?!)
*behavior slip ups (like talking through lessons, and laughing at inappropriate times) for about 2 weeks (TWO weeks, and this is our first notice? thanks.)

so, the good parents we are addressed all points, reiterating (for the 4578786987598598 time that our expectations are being on your very best behavior, and remembering that you are a leader, kids look up to you, and fooling around/talking is not okay during lessons at school ... etc.) but focused on the test studying of course, as that was the priority for him last night. and i wrote a long letter back, expressing our concerns, very politically correct, i assure you, but also being sure to bring to light that forgetting your mail as a NINE YEAR OLD BOY isn't something that is a "problem" - it's called being forgettful. he is. absent minded even. NOT detail oriented. that's my frickin' job, forchrissakes. and i also shined a light on the fact that we are fully aware of the fact that she has pegged him as a 'chatty, silly, energetic boy', and truthfully, cameron has had the disruptive behavior addressed before earlier this year, and whe we discuss with him, he has adamantly assured US that he isn't the one every single time. sometimes, and yes, he does act up when he shouldn't, but he is trying to tell her he isn't the one every time, and maybe she is quick to judge based on reputation. the other thing i mentioned is the fact she is the first ever teacher to express any kind of behavior issues. not one other teacher (oddly, kendall has his 2nd grade teacher, and i even asked her if there were things she didn't tell me last year, and her response was 'absolutely not! cameron was a joy to have in the class!') has had these concerns. i know there is always a possibility of developing things, and learning new "material" when you're a comedian, and perhaps this is what's happening. additionally, i also fully recognize that he and she just have a personality difference. it happens.

however, he is also having some struggles at home with us. respect. it isn't awful, by any stretch, and it isn't even on the radar for most people - but it's a start. it's the testing that he is doing to see what we/i let him get away with. so, the intelligent, yet truly fearful of the "bad kid" developing mother that i am - i have decided that any and all disresepect (eye roll, snarky remark, attitude flexing ... etc) gets a response from me. in my infinite wisdom, however, the fatigue of this awful phase has pushed me to that limit - that edge we all teeter on - and i am not reasonable with the response. no, i am actually not doing what that intelligent, more understanding side of the mom brain that i USED to have would guide me to be doing.

instead, i have morphed into nutso-mom. nice.

bleck.

it's too much. with this post, i thee promise to chill the hell out.

the typing was cathartic, and mesmorizing. that and this quote have allowed me to gain some much needed perspective on this phase:

"Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make children do better, first we have to make them feel worse? Think of the last time you felt humiliated or treated unfairly. Did you feel like cooperating or doing better?"

moving forward with a new attitude. moving forward with some peace within myself, and the understanding that dangit, he's nine. he's only going to BE nine for 348 more days.

chill the hell out.

{dear heavens - if you're here at this point, thank you! that was long winded. }