who? where? when?

me.

all over.

all the time.

it's been a whirlwind of a month. i cannot believe that i haven't posted in a month here. shocking, and yet, so understanding.

my life has been no different than it has ever been, honestly. i just haven't made it here to post on my site. i think i have sporadic blocks. indifference to keeping this active, and i think concern that what i am writing isn't all that interesting to anyone but me. but alas, i don't write for "interest" or even "entertainment. i am writing to journal this time.

so where, who, what have we been up to? we've had baseball (lotsa) and softball (reasonable amount) and hockey (just started) and end of school (hooray!) and settling ino to the summer routine (yay!) and interviewing babysitters (uhm ..) and work (boo!) and friends (hooray!) and babyshowers (hooray!) and barbeques (hooray!) and gearing up for vacation (hooray!) and cleansing the extras here in our lives (finally!) and .... oh, so much. it's been good, and busy, and fun, and cleansing.

i've adopted a new approach to time - time with my kids, time with my husband, time for me - just in general, i am more aware of the moments that i have. more in tune with the peace, and the incredible balance that is essential to achieve, and grasp in order to have time. the kids are enjoying the new approach. they have a super duper sticker chart (going back to previous times in their lives that were very beneficial!) and it's working well. they are achieving success, and realizing that life doesn't have to be so cluttered with things, and thoughts .... they are learning to "fly and be free!"
it's been a very interesting start to the year 2008. i feel like i went through a paradigm shift and looking back, i might still be processing the shift. it feels good (finally) and it feels right. timing wise, it was not necessarily accepted by me, but for the most part, i have come to terms with that, and realized that life hands you things that maybe shake you up for a reason. i've felt the shake. and i'm still feeling the shake. it's a great realization, though, and i am thankful for it.

so, with that, i will continue to process, and shift. and i will continue to let the "spirit" move me to writing. forcing it never works anyway. ;)

request

if you've got any spare positive vibes hanging around awaiting their next assignment ... i may be able to keep 'em busy for a little while.

my husband got some shocking, and disappointing news today on a new career he had been working really hard at launching into (everyone is very shocked by the news, to be honest) and he is sad, and truly dejected.

if you've got some good thoughts for him ... and for the new path he is creating ... i know he'd (and i) would appreciate it.

i'll tell you what, too, with all the sad, tragic, and disturbing news that has been a part of our lives the last few weeks ... i have found a way to breathe, and peel off the layers, and just listen to what's happening all around me.

the process to get where we want to be is a journey through the time of where we are today.

thanks for the pv's.

summertime kickoff ...

this is the natural kickoff to the season of summer. typically, i am better prepared for summer which usually means i have done a fine job of 'nesting' and 'orchestrating' how all the pieces of the puzzle will fit into place for the coming months.

you know, things like kids out of school in 3 short weeks means that they will be needing childcare-ish coverage ~ normally i've got that solidly in place with a dry run already done, and the sitter has spent some quality time with the kids. i've got the sitter, yes, but she hasn't done the dry run just yet - nor has she spent lots of time with the kids because frankly, she doesn't have that time to give away (great athlete on two soccer teams, and in high school so social life this time of year is important ... i recognize the priorities when you're 16/17) and truthfully, my kids don't necessarily have that time to give away either, so we haven't done that part of it.

i've usually got the summer camp schedule in place for the squirts - i know *which* camps, but not the details of said camps. each wants a one week camp secured.

our pool is typically open already, but we have a slight bump in the road with that opening. should be solved this week, but again, ill prepared for that.

so, historically speaking, these shortfalls would wreak havoc on my nerves, and cause all kinds of headaches, and frustrations.

i think age is mellowing me. i am truly feeling like "it'll all get done, and we'll all be just fine". sometimes, too, flying by the seat of your pants works out a little better than really planning to the very last detail and drop.

crap.

my husband has worn off on me. not even 11 years married yet, and he's changed my thinking. ;)

i'll leave you with this little driplet of summer right around the corner:

these little darlings are the most beautiful blooms of the hanging plant on my front porch ..... gorgeous in color, and fragrance. maybe they are helping my angst too. :)

good question

sometimes in all the honesty and forthright answers we (sean and i) made a commitment to sticking with, there is that comment back that throws us.

today, it happened. to me.

sean was with kendall at gymnastics, and cam and i were running a few errands, over the radio in the car, an ad for prostate cancer runs. cam waits until the completion to ask me his questions.

"mom, what's prostate cancer?"

"well, the prostate is an organ close to the penis and testicles, and gettting cancer in that organ can be common. usually it doesn't affect people until they are much older than you, and even daddy" (he, sadly, has been made aware of a diganosis of cancer through some friends, and family so that was easily understood)

looking at me with a little bit of a smirk, he says " mom, seriously, no need to spell it out, just say groin."

yah, okay kid.

karma

it's all about it.

i am a positive person by nature. i feel strongly that if you keep the 'view' half full, the vibe will repay all the goodness that you share.

things are motoring along well, and i am keeping the sail 'righted' as i mentioned previously. i am looking to see some good things happening from a work perspective, as well, we are anticipating some good things from sean's work. the kids are done with school in 3 weeks, and they are picking up speed with excitement every day (i believe i heard the last "days to go" count from one of them this morning - 14 including today, if you're counting)

my backyard is beginning to take the form of a summertime backyard, and that makes me all kinds of happy. the flowers are all planted - every pot is full. i can't take any credit for that, my mom is my gardener. the pool will be opened this week sometime, and the batting cage will be completed within a month, we hope. the brick terrace, and walways are in the planning stages, and i just need to coerce ... oops, i mean convince, my dad to get 'em done!

it's friday of the long weekend, and i am gearing up for lots of outdoor time with the family (6 baseball games/softball games before the championship game monday if cam's team makes it in the tournament) and working on the yard in between. the sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and the dogs are smiling.

on another front, we just got word that one of my bucket list (you know, the things you want to do before you kick the proverbial bucket) items will be fulfilled this fall - cam's new hockey team that he is on will be going to CANADA for a tournament! woohoo! so excited for that trip - and we are planning on having a great time there.

so, there we have it ... a positive, karma-type post. i am planning on keeping it real, of course, and truth be told, still working through the tough things that have been happening to people all around me. but the reality is, life is real. and these things are real - but it's all in how you respond.

:) i choose to be grateful, and thankful, and supportive. and that helps me keep my head about me.

karma. i believe in it.

right the sail

i'm finding the way through the stormy weather ... it's been challenging, yes, and at times, exhausting. but as is the case with most 'lives' sometimes, they aren't smooth sailing - it's all in how we respond and react.

long chats with sean; supportive discussions with some others that i love; and warm hugs and kisses.

that always helps.

xo, and thanks for the support.

preoccupied with some thoughts ....

and they aren't exactly the kind of thoughts one would like to be preoccupied with.

for the last several weeks, it feels as though my exterior world has been screaming at me to

stop!
look around!
take notice!
rejoice in the moment!
and
breathe!

an old friend from the kids nursery school found out last fall that her healthy and happy 5 year old (former micro-preemie baby that battled all odds of living at all- born at 27 weeks!) had a cancerous brain tumor. she has been in chemo since that time - ding okay, and fighting the good fight, but ... 5? cancer?

i have been following for several months an amazing, and conversely truly uplifting story on a blog of a woman whose 4th daughter was born april 7th, and died 2+ hours later. this mother knowingly chose to carry to term, and lose, this angel with a diagnosis of Trisomy 18. angela, the mom, is the strongest, and most beautiful person i have ever come across. (audrey caroline is the baby, and their story can be read at Bring The Rain blog)

a good friend of mine lost her mother in law to alzheimer's rather unexpectedly (although ill, it was not end-stage, and therefore, shocked with her sudden death)

another good friend lost her mother tragically when she had a stroke while taking care of her youngest at her (my friend's) home. she died instantly, and the 4 year old saw the whole thing.

another friend, with horrible nut allergies, from the gym died tragically after ingesting hazelnut frosting from a cake as she scooped the frosting on her finger on the way out of the restaurant two weeks ago. she had a cardiac arrest at the emergency room, and never woke up. she was in a coma for two weeks with no brain activity. they buried her today, and i went to the funeral. when her 9 and 7 year old babies (the same age as my two children) began to quietly cry as they brought her body into the church, i lost it.

i think it was the culmination of such tragedy and grief all around me.

i am sullen and quiet today.

overwhelmed with the thoughts.

and reaching for the strength to grasp all of this.

my grateful box is getting all kinds of entries lately.

i am so grateful.

i was gonna .....

....come here and complain about the challenging moments that have been enveloping my head, and stealing precious time from me.

.....tell you about the daily struggles that have been ever-present for a few, er, weeks here.

.....put to words the particularly hair raising arguing that my two cherubic redheaded children appear to be convinced is the *right thing* to do - ahem - regardless of the consistent request from me and sean to end that *wrong thing NOW*

..... let you in on a glimmer of my days as they have been so entertaining, and particularly so.

BUT - the above is not worthy of giving to the blog. certainly, YOU fine folks don't need to be tortured with any of it.

so, i will keep those yummy little nuggets of negative banter to me, and allow you this:

hot shot, potato, isn't she? ;) she is diggin' it a little bit. the competition, as i've mentioned is not her bag. she is all about the social aspect, the fun friends, the enjoyment of the team atmosphere, and "the playing". but the competition - not so much.

she is teaching me all about living like this. i was more competitive. i challenged myself competitively (reaching to improve my best time in the pool, as an example) however, not really competitive with others. the big brother is more outwardly competitive.

she is her own drummer, and dances to the beat that she sets. she isn't waiting for anyone else to set the tone, or the beat. she likes your beat, and she'll listen, but she wants her own, and if you'd like, you can listen to hers, too. she'll share. she'll share just about anything with you. she's got broad shoulders, and a huge heart. she's tough as nails, and as fragile as an egg shell.

they find a way to be the best of friends, and then argue like the worst of enemies. they are so different on so many levels, and so similar on so many others. but - when the earth and the moon are aligned just right, i even get peace and harmony inside my home.

which gives me peace and harmony inside my head.

which makes my heart sing.

and that makes all the bulls*it go away. and then i can come here and write about shiny happy people and things in my life.

{there, i feel so much better}

Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to one and all throughout the land! :)

'twas a lovely day .. rleaxing, and enjoyable, and entertaining. had a date last night, just he and I, met some friends too, and then a nap this afternoon to sneak in a catch-up from the sleep I lost after getting home entirely too late. got some fabulous homemade cards today, and some sweet homemade gifts, a pretty new sun dress, and love. I got lots of love.

so, today, and all the days ahead - may the mommy-love continue for you!

Hi

it's been so long, starting with anything other than that would be weird.



and truthfully, i can't even summarize the last month or so with a fitting title other than 'hello' because there are so many things that have been going on.



i wish i was able to sit and type~daily. i think it was writers block on some levels, and it was the lack of clarity that anything i am doing is interesting enough for the blog, for anyone to read. i always come back to the fact that i am doing this for me ... for no one else, but for me to somehow put to words the memories that are forming in my head, and my heart ... and with my family. some of them have been beautiful and fun, and silly, and playful. some of them have been rough and dimpled - you nkow real life. snapshots of a family living in a time that brings with it glorious moments, and ugly moments. we see them all, and thankfully, the latter is far fewer!



so, with that said, a review of the past month or so.

March 29 was my surprise party, and it was wonderful! (did i already mention that here? ;) my husband is a fantastic specimen of a man. the best, really. so, ladies, if you're still looking for the 'best' you better just resign yourself to settle, cause i already snagged him! kidding! really - he rocks, and the party was a huge fun time with all the people i love (well, MOST) in one place! 40 was easy to take in!

sadly, i have had two close friends suddenly lose their mom and mother in law in the last month. one was an tragic accident at her homw, the other a stroke. while they were not young, the sting of suddenly saying goodbye to them has truly brought them both to their knees. also, a very young mom i know distantly from the gym sufffered from a peanut allergy reaction at dinner with her new fiance, and is in a coma with little to no brain activity. they aren't expecting her to survive. she has two young girls, 9 and 7 years old. the worst part is her brother and sister were tragically killed 2 and 3 years ago. she was the last surviving child for this family. keep the parents in your thoughts .... gives you pause, for sure.

cam's AAU baseball team is having a blast! he has had several double headers, and his town little league has started as well (he pitched last night, and did GREAT!) we also went to Maryland with the AAU team, and played at Ripken stadium! it was a terrific tournament, and he had a really good time. they were undersdogs playing in the 10 year old level, but did great!

softball has begun, and she is practicing (begrudgenly ... ugh) quite a bit. they have had three games, and they are 2-1 right now. she's playing very well, and likes games far more than practice, but isn't the competitive kid that her big brother is, that's for sure ... not a problem here, but certainly different! i am hoping to keep her activly involved with sports for the movement aspect, sadly though, the competition seems to be so important on so many levels.
:0\


work has been insanely busy! i have been traveling, and having to be in certain hospitals supporting trials, and equipment investigations, and just plain "selling" more than in the recent months. it is good, but it is exhausting, and likely the reason coupled with the family activites and things, that i haven't been here too much!

higgins was in a dog show! sounds hilarious, i know ... the breeder asked him to be part of the Newfie Specialty Nationals here in New England so we of course agreed - he did GREAT! however, forgive me for this, dog show people are the weirdest subculture of people i have ever come accross. there are truly some whacky folks completely tied around the dogs showing and being 'championship' level animals. higgins is a pet - the most loved and tenderly treated pet out there - but he was way out of his league with primped and pampered pooches. and they were all newfs, too! the highligh was the final day, he was entered in the 3 generations ring so it was he, his mom, and his grandmom in the ring - they got 4th! woohoo!! he's a ribboned champ!
there were only 4 entires ... but hey HE GOT A RIBBON!!! :O) we're so proud!

auntie amy is closing in on her due date - july 4 - and we are having a party for her .... soon. (she could be visiting here, can't reveal the date or details. hehe. found out too that sean's little bro is expecting #2 in about 8 months. there's a story there .... but we are hoping for the best there.

we're pretty sure that cam is suffering from seasonal allergies these days. different than the fall headaches, but he was struggling to breath (deep long inhales almost like he was trying to catch his breath) so trying claritan right now. hope it works.

we said goodbye to his long standing hockey league last weekend. the banquet was sunday and we had the chance to see everyone. it was hard saying goodbye, but surely, we are making the right decision for him. who knows, too, he could be back there someday!

i have flowers, and blooms, and green green grass in the yard! i have tons of pictures that i have been taking and i promise to be posting them over the next few weeks here ... i need to.

if you've made it this far, thanks ... and thanks also for being so patient with me. :-)

"miss"matched

does your spirited sweetheart simply *love* to be colorful, and full of whimsy?

mine does, and i have been wanting to get her these sox ever since i first saw them ...

go here and check out how stinkin' cute this is ..... http://www.littlemissmatched.com/

home opener!

another SURE sign that the spring is upon us, peeps. the first pitch was thrown by Buckner. my husband sat and cried (along with the millions of other LIFELONG fans watching) as he threw the ball. {sniff}

bring it on. can't wait to go to Fenway this year .... woohoo!

sure signs that the newest season is upon us ....

despite the weather outside here in the good 'ole Northeast, the calendar states SPRING, and the activities say SPRING. so i say SPRING, and took some happy snaps!!

here we have the first pictorial evidence of one 9 year old viola playing phenom ... well, that would be a stretch, but hey, who could be more proud of a well rounded kid like this?! cam's school had a string concert recently (3rd grade begins musical instrument instruction, apprently there will be a voice concert for the ENTIRE school coming up in the next couple of weeks!)

and he was so proud of himself at the conclusion of the show, he couldn't stop the grins ... (and neither could his fans!! :) :) :)

he mentioned clarinet or the flute for next year, and even asked about horns! way cool, right? and kendall gets to start next year, and she's mentioned the violin! :O)

this here my friends, is the first sprig of GREEN in the garden ... this is a picture of HOPE! this was about two weeks ago ... and man, oh, man was i hoping for this to begin and SOON!

and this was TODAY! these are from different gardens, and different plants than the first one above, but look - LOOK AT ALL THAT GREEN!!! and the last one has purple .. PURPLE people! yahhhhoooooo!!!! and kendall was the one to tell me about the purple ... she was tickled to pieces that she found it! :O) :O) :O) obvioulsy has the same spring fever that he mother has .... heh

okay, next up we have the favorite American pastime ....

this, my friends, is the kickoff game for the AAU team he is on. they had a double header yesterday .... his town league team has begun practices, but games a few weeks off, so this is a great headstart for him! the little sister is in practices now too for softball and she'll be sharing the limelight with him soon with some snazzy shots crow hoppin' and whacking the ball out of the park! she is enjoying herself immensely, and is decidedly happier to be on a "real team" this year versus the instructional type from last year ... egads, right?

so, be on the lookout for some more photos soon, as the activities seem to be a-multiplying with the weather finally breaking a tad!

spring is spring-ing! and i couldn't be more happy!

enjoy .......

attitude

i have to begin this post, in the shadow of that loaded title, with a wee bit of a disclaimer:

i invited said attitude.
i raised him to be independent, and strong.
i encouraged him to use his big personality, to be "noticed" (in a good way ...)
i reveled in his rich, full-of-gusto approach to life.

i did.

however,
(this is the part that i dispell any preconceived notion that I KNEW WHAT THE HELL I WAS DOING WHEN I BEGAN THE ABOVE PROCESS)

i was not planning on the sass. i was not planning on the determination of red-head will (who knew about THAT?!) i was not, and i repeat, n.o.t. expecting it to actually work.

good maude.

much of this is stemming from the teacher thing at school, still. it has not mushroomed any further than the last time i mentioned it, it is just so clearly affecting his attitude. he doesn't have any of this "sass" on days she is not in and he has a substitute (happened yesterday - "oh, mom, the sub was AWESOME - she is so nice, she gave us time to be creative, and show her, and gave me high fives for my work!" who knew that positive feedback worked for 9 year old boys ... amazing!) he is full of it on days that they've butted horns, or he's not been a complete quiet mouse in the room - not many of those - it is so evident that she isn't commending his good work. he was the only one to get ANY spelling words correct on the test - actually he got them ALL correct, and no one else did! and we got nothing home. NOTHING. we found this out from another parent days after the spelling test. argh .. there's more, but that's that ...

and then there's the inherent competitiveness he seems unwilling to temper. first in all things, this kid needs to be. on the bus, to brush teeth, to take a shower, to be done with homework ... all of it. his sister is not a big fan of that when it affects her. she isn't competitive at all, but if he is insisting on being first for let's say, a Wii tournament, well, she isn't all that forgiving- especially if he's been first for the last "1200 turns". there've been some heated discussions, and often it's ended by me, turning it off. and that's met with a wee bit of grief, as you can imagine.

he is spreading his wings. he is testing the battle zone. he is doing this because ... well, because he can.

i am so glad i am 40 now, 'cause you know what - one of my presents to me was patience. that and the security that with patience comes maintenance of already very low blood pressure. the alternative is not appealing. so, i will prevail in this attitude from this 9 year old redhead. he is a mere 9 years old, afterall.

and i taught him everything he knows.

see, my fault.

heard

"... jeeez, this is hard!"

" yeah, i am sweating ..."

" wonder what we look like through the window"

" hahahahhahahaha"

Wii shenanigans ..... this is going to be a blast!

what a whirlwind!

turning 40 was enough "excitement" but since then, things have just increased with speed ....

busy week with work, trying to get myself ready for the next few months and close some open business;hockey tryouts for a new organization for the big guy; he was selected on this highly competitive team, and very excited about it; a first time string concert for the fella (the viola!); softball selections, and notification of the team she is on; AAU baseball distribution of team apparel, and two scrimmages; a visit from the sister in law; a surprise party with 100 guests in my honor.....

MY honor! :o) {{{grins}}} what a blast and super surprise that was!!!

and today, today ... we bought the Wii. the kids gathered their birthday money collections from the last two years, and we threw in a few dollars, and we bought the Wii. perhaps the last family on the planet to give in, and actually do it ... what a great little gadget ... i just videotaped sean and cam boxing and having an absolute blast at it!

so ... i have several photos to download, and lots to catch up ... you know, the blogging thing was easier when i was determined to do it every day.
\
hehe

four-oh

yep. that's my age. today was the day, 40 years ago, that i made my family a "table of 5". i am pretty certain that i changed the lives that were present at that time. for the better, i'd like to think.

and honestly, that's a pretty cool thing to think about. i hope i continue to impact those around me positively, and "in the better". and i hope it happens for many years to come. 'cause really, 40 is the new 30.

have you heard?

but for today, i am 40.

14 days

since my last post. time flies when you're havin' fun!

but really, life just started moving fast about two weeks ago, and kind of kept on ticking. so what's been going on?

let's see, shall we?

• cameron had baseball tryouts
• then he had a playoff hockey game for one of his teams - tough loss 1-0!
• two or three brithday parties ... can't keep track
• kendall had a gymnastics meet - she ROCKED!
• kendall then had softball tryouts - again, rockin' it!
• we had a hockey team function at the local AHL team location. they played a game vs another young local team, and then we watched the AHL game that afternoon
• the state hockey playoffs began - they are kickin' it with a 4th game tonight - if they win, they are in the championship game!
• sean and i crashed a wedding (not a *true* crash - a really fun crash that was kinda sorta planned)
• AAU baseball practices, and fun events
• St. Paddy's day celebration weekend, and recovery. ;)
• sean's soon-to-be work function, and fundraiser for a local burn center
• oh yeah, and - school, work, and general life with two young kids ... also.

so, see, kinda busy. but all good, clean busy.

Mr. Higgins turned one last week. isn't he the most adorable thing on the earth right now? :O) well, besides my kids of course.

so, i think that's about the size of the update .... will hopefully be a bit better with blogging.

laters -

girls ROCK!

that girl right in the middle with a big grinning hollar is my niece Jess..... she and her teammates clinched the state high school girls Div II title last night .... she had 7 goals in 4 games, 4 of the goals and one assist in the game before last night, and then a goal and an assist on the game winning overtime goal last night to seal the deal. my girl got MVP of the playoffs, and celebrated like a champ!

she is the classiest kid too. check this out - the college where they played the games gave her the game puck and told her she rocked, and she placed the puck in the middle of the lockeroom floor and told her team that it wasn't her puck, it was the TEAM puck. coach took it and will cut it into 19 pieces for the entire team to have as memorabilia. awesome.

the coolest thing, too? she is a FRESHMAN in high school. she still has three more years to keep on keepin' on.

i am, WE are, SO SO Proud!!!

Jess, you rock, girl!!!!!

wanting ... and getting .. a little control

so, i am one of those parents that *tries* to choose my battles. sometimes, i fall from grace, and yes, fight them ALL. but other times, and thankfully, more often than not (i hope) i choose them.

together, sean and i have chosen not to fight the battle of the hair. the kid wanted long(er) hair. he was seeking some control in his life over his body and appearance(as is the norm for 9 years old, i suspect).

so we've gone from this: (he's on the left - :)

to this:

and personally, i think it is downright adorable! he wants to let the front grow more, but keep the back "in check and not too long". he brushes it, and wets it in the morning, and even adds some gel to the wrangly bed head strands when he needs to. i don't know how long it will last once we get the scorching temperatures this summer, but until he says good bye to it, we're stickin' with it.

and truthfully, controlling ones appearance is one of the first steps to ... gulp ... growing up, isn't it?

{sigh}