request

if you've got any spare positive vibes hanging around awaiting their next assignment ... i may be able to keep 'em busy for a little while.

my husband got some shocking, and disappointing news today on a new career he had been working really hard at launching into (everyone is very shocked by the news, to be honest) and he is sad, and truly dejected.

if you've got some good thoughts for him ... and for the new path he is creating ... i know he'd (and i) would appreciate it.

i'll tell you what, too, with all the sad, tragic, and disturbing news that has been a part of our lives the last few weeks ... i have found a way to breathe, and peel off the layers, and just listen to what's happening all around me.

the process to get where we want to be is a journey through the time of where we are today.

thanks for the pv's.

summertime kickoff ...

this is the natural kickoff to the season of summer. typically, i am better prepared for summer which usually means i have done a fine job of 'nesting' and 'orchestrating' how all the pieces of the puzzle will fit into place for the coming months.

you know, things like kids out of school in 3 short weeks means that they will be needing childcare-ish coverage ~ normally i've got that solidly in place with a dry run already done, and the sitter has spent some quality time with the kids. i've got the sitter, yes, but she hasn't done the dry run just yet - nor has she spent lots of time with the kids because frankly, she doesn't have that time to give away (great athlete on two soccer teams, and in high school so social life this time of year is important ... i recognize the priorities when you're 16/17) and truthfully, my kids don't necessarily have that time to give away either, so we haven't done that part of it.

i've usually got the summer camp schedule in place for the squirts - i know *which* camps, but not the details of said camps. each wants a one week camp secured.

our pool is typically open already, but we have a slight bump in the road with that opening. should be solved this week, but again, ill prepared for that.

so, historically speaking, these shortfalls would wreak havoc on my nerves, and cause all kinds of headaches, and frustrations.

i think age is mellowing me. i am truly feeling like "it'll all get done, and we'll all be just fine". sometimes, too, flying by the seat of your pants works out a little better than really planning to the very last detail and drop.

crap.

my husband has worn off on me. not even 11 years married yet, and he's changed my thinking. ;)

i'll leave you with this little driplet of summer right around the corner:

these little darlings are the most beautiful blooms of the hanging plant on my front porch ..... gorgeous in color, and fragrance. maybe they are helping my angst too. :)

good question

sometimes in all the honesty and forthright answers we (sean and i) made a commitment to sticking with, there is that comment back that throws us.

today, it happened. to me.

sean was with kendall at gymnastics, and cam and i were running a few errands, over the radio in the car, an ad for prostate cancer runs. cam waits until the completion to ask me his questions.

"mom, what's prostate cancer?"

"well, the prostate is an organ close to the penis and testicles, and gettting cancer in that organ can be common. usually it doesn't affect people until they are much older than you, and even daddy" (he, sadly, has been made aware of a diganosis of cancer through some friends, and family so that was easily understood)

looking at me with a little bit of a smirk, he says " mom, seriously, no need to spell it out, just say groin."

yah, okay kid.

karma

it's all about it.

i am a positive person by nature. i feel strongly that if you keep the 'view' half full, the vibe will repay all the goodness that you share.

things are motoring along well, and i am keeping the sail 'righted' as i mentioned previously. i am looking to see some good things happening from a work perspective, as well, we are anticipating some good things from sean's work. the kids are done with school in 3 weeks, and they are picking up speed with excitement every day (i believe i heard the last "days to go" count from one of them this morning - 14 including today, if you're counting)

my backyard is beginning to take the form of a summertime backyard, and that makes me all kinds of happy. the flowers are all planted - every pot is full. i can't take any credit for that, my mom is my gardener. the pool will be opened this week sometime, and the batting cage will be completed within a month, we hope. the brick terrace, and walways are in the planning stages, and i just need to coerce ... oops, i mean convince, my dad to get 'em done!

it's friday of the long weekend, and i am gearing up for lots of outdoor time with the family (6 baseball games/softball games before the championship game monday if cam's team makes it in the tournament) and working on the yard in between. the sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and the dogs are smiling.

on another front, we just got word that one of my bucket list (you know, the things you want to do before you kick the proverbial bucket) items will be fulfilled this fall - cam's new hockey team that he is on will be going to CANADA for a tournament! woohoo! so excited for that trip - and we are planning on having a great time there.

so, there we have it ... a positive, karma-type post. i am planning on keeping it real, of course, and truth be told, still working through the tough things that have been happening to people all around me. but the reality is, life is real. and these things are real - but it's all in how you respond.

:) i choose to be grateful, and thankful, and supportive. and that helps me keep my head about me.

karma. i believe in it.

right the sail

i'm finding the way through the stormy weather ... it's been challenging, yes, and at times, exhausting. but as is the case with most 'lives' sometimes, they aren't smooth sailing - it's all in how we respond and react.

long chats with sean; supportive discussions with some others that i love; and warm hugs and kisses.

that always helps.

xo, and thanks for the support.

preoccupied with some thoughts ....

and they aren't exactly the kind of thoughts one would like to be preoccupied with.

for the last several weeks, it feels as though my exterior world has been screaming at me to

stop!
look around!
take notice!
rejoice in the moment!
and
breathe!

an old friend from the kids nursery school found out last fall that her healthy and happy 5 year old (former micro-preemie baby that battled all odds of living at all- born at 27 weeks!) had a cancerous brain tumor. she has been in chemo since that time - ding okay, and fighting the good fight, but ... 5? cancer?

i have been following for several months an amazing, and conversely truly uplifting story on a blog of a woman whose 4th daughter was born april 7th, and died 2+ hours later. this mother knowingly chose to carry to term, and lose, this angel with a diagnosis of Trisomy 18. angela, the mom, is the strongest, and most beautiful person i have ever come across. (audrey caroline is the baby, and their story can be read at Bring The Rain blog)

a good friend of mine lost her mother in law to alzheimer's rather unexpectedly (although ill, it was not end-stage, and therefore, shocked with her sudden death)

another good friend lost her mother tragically when she had a stroke while taking care of her youngest at her (my friend's) home. she died instantly, and the 4 year old saw the whole thing.

another friend, with horrible nut allergies, from the gym died tragically after ingesting hazelnut frosting from a cake as she scooped the frosting on her finger on the way out of the restaurant two weeks ago. she had a cardiac arrest at the emergency room, and never woke up. she was in a coma for two weeks with no brain activity. they buried her today, and i went to the funeral. when her 9 and 7 year old babies (the same age as my two children) began to quietly cry as they brought her body into the church, i lost it.

i think it was the culmination of such tragedy and grief all around me.

i am sullen and quiet today.

overwhelmed with the thoughts.

and reaching for the strength to grasp all of this.

my grateful box is getting all kinds of entries lately.

i am so grateful.

i was gonna .....

....come here and complain about the challenging moments that have been enveloping my head, and stealing precious time from me.

.....tell you about the daily struggles that have been ever-present for a few, er, weeks here.

.....put to words the particularly hair raising arguing that my two cherubic redheaded children appear to be convinced is the *right thing* to do - ahem - regardless of the consistent request from me and sean to end that *wrong thing NOW*

..... let you in on a glimmer of my days as they have been so entertaining, and particularly so.

BUT - the above is not worthy of giving to the blog. certainly, YOU fine folks don't need to be tortured with any of it.

so, i will keep those yummy little nuggets of negative banter to me, and allow you this:

hot shot, potato, isn't she? ;) she is diggin' it a little bit. the competition, as i've mentioned is not her bag. she is all about the social aspect, the fun friends, the enjoyment of the team atmosphere, and "the playing". but the competition - not so much.

she is teaching me all about living like this. i was more competitive. i challenged myself competitively (reaching to improve my best time in the pool, as an example) however, not really competitive with others. the big brother is more outwardly competitive.

she is her own drummer, and dances to the beat that she sets. she isn't waiting for anyone else to set the tone, or the beat. she likes your beat, and she'll listen, but she wants her own, and if you'd like, you can listen to hers, too. she'll share. she'll share just about anything with you. she's got broad shoulders, and a huge heart. she's tough as nails, and as fragile as an egg shell.

they find a way to be the best of friends, and then argue like the worst of enemies. they are so different on so many levels, and so similar on so many others. but - when the earth and the moon are aligned just right, i even get peace and harmony inside my home.

which gives me peace and harmony inside my head.

which makes my heart sing.

and that makes all the bulls*it go away. and then i can come here and write about shiny happy people and things in my life.

{there, i feel so much better}

Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to one and all throughout the land! :)

'twas a lovely day .. rleaxing, and enjoyable, and entertaining. had a date last night, just he and I, met some friends too, and then a nap this afternoon to sneak in a catch-up from the sleep I lost after getting home entirely too late. got some fabulous homemade cards today, and some sweet homemade gifts, a pretty new sun dress, and love. I got lots of love.

so, today, and all the days ahead - may the mommy-love continue for you!

Hi

it's been so long, starting with anything other than that would be weird.



and truthfully, i can't even summarize the last month or so with a fitting title other than 'hello' because there are so many things that have been going on.



i wish i was able to sit and type~daily. i think it was writers block on some levels, and it was the lack of clarity that anything i am doing is interesting enough for the blog, for anyone to read. i always come back to the fact that i am doing this for me ... for no one else, but for me to somehow put to words the memories that are forming in my head, and my heart ... and with my family. some of them have been beautiful and fun, and silly, and playful. some of them have been rough and dimpled - you nkow real life. snapshots of a family living in a time that brings with it glorious moments, and ugly moments. we see them all, and thankfully, the latter is far fewer!



so, with that said, a review of the past month or so.

March 29 was my surprise party, and it was wonderful! (did i already mention that here? ;) my husband is a fantastic specimen of a man. the best, really. so, ladies, if you're still looking for the 'best' you better just resign yourself to settle, cause i already snagged him! kidding! really - he rocks, and the party was a huge fun time with all the people i love (well, MOST) in one place! 40 was easy to take in!

sadly, i have had two close friends suddenly lose their mom and mother in law in the last month. one was an tragic accident at her homw, the other a stroke. while they were not young, the sting of suddenly saying goodbye to them has truly brought them both to their knees. also, a very young mom i know distantly from the gym sufffered from a peanut allergy reaction at dinner with her new fiance, and is in a coma with little to no brain activity. they aren't expecting her to survive. she has two young girls, 9 and 7 years old. the worst part is her brother and sister were tragically killed 2 and 3 years ago. she was the last surviving child for this family. keep the parents in your thoughts .... gives you pause, for sure.

cam's AAU baseball team is having a blast! he has had several double headers, and his town little league has started as well (he pitched last night, and did GREAT!) we also went to Maryland with the AAU team, and played at Ripken stadium! it was a terrific tournament, and he had a really good time. they were undersdogs playing in the 10 year old level, but did great!

softball has begun, and she is practicing (begrudgenly ... ugh) quite a bit. they have had three games, and they are 2-1 right now. she's playing very well, and likes games far more than practice, but isn't the competitive kid that her big brother is, that's for sure ... not a problem here, but certainly different! i am hoping to keep her activly involved with sports for the movement aspect, sadly though, the competition seems to be so important on so many levels.
:0\


work has been insanely busy! i have been traveling, and having to be in certain hospitals supporting trials, and equipment investigations, and just plain "selling" more than in the recent months. it is good, but it is exhausting, and likely the reason coupled with the family activites and things, that i haven't been here too much!

higgins was in a dog show! sounds hilarious, i know ... the breeder asked him to be part of the Newfie Specialty Nationals here in New England so we of course agreed - he did GREAT! however, forgive me for this, dog show people are the weirdest subculture of people i have ever come accross. there are truly some whacky folks completely tied around the dogs showing and being 'championship' level animals. higgins is a pet - the most loved and tenderly treated pet out there - but he was way out of his league with primped and pampered pooches. and they were all newfs, too! the highligh was the final day, he was entered in the 3 generations ring so it was he, his mom, and his grandmom in the ring - they got 4th! woohoo!! he's a ribboned champ!
there were only 4 entires ... but hey HE GOT A RIBBON!!! :O) we're so proud!

auntie amy is closing in on her due date - july 4 - and we are having a party for her .... soon. (she could be visiting here, can't reveal the date or details. hehe. found out too that sean's little bro is expecting #2 in about 8 months. there's a story there .... but we are hoping for the best there.

we're pretty sure that cam is suffering from seasonal allergies these days. different than the fall headaches, but he was struggling to breath (deep long inhales almost like he was trying to catch his breath) so trying claritan right now. hope it works.

we said goodbye to his long standing hockey league last weekend. the banquet was sunday and we had the chance to see everyone. it was hard saying goodbye, but surely, we are making the right decision for him. who knows, too, he could be back there someday!

i have flowers, and blooms, and green green grass in the yard! i have tons of pictures that i have been taking and i promise to be posting them over the next few weeks here ... i need to.

if you've made it this far, thanks ... and thanks also for being so patient with me. :-)