preoccupied with some thoughts ....

and they aren't exactly the kind of thoughts one would like to be preoccupied with.

for the last several weeks, it feels as though my exterior world has been screaming at me to

stop!
look around!
take notice!
rejoice in the moment!
and
breathe!

an old friend from the kids nursery school found out last fall that her healthy and happy 5 year old (former micro-preemie baby that battled all odds of living at all- born at 27 weeks!) had a cancerous brain tumor. she has been in chemo since that time - ding okay, and fighting the good fight, but ... 5? cancer?

i have been following for several months an amazing, and conversely truly uplifting story on a blog of a woman whose 4th daughter was born april 7th, and died 2+ hours later. this mother knowingly chose to carry to term, and lose, this angel with a diagnosis of Trisomy 18. angela, the mom, is the strongest, and most beautiful person i have ever come across. (audrey caroline is the baby, and their story can be read at Bring The Rain blog)

a good friend of mine lost her mother in law to alzheimer's rather unexpectedly (although ill, it was not end-stage, and therefore, shocked with her sudden death)

another good friend lost her mother tragically when she had a stroke while taking care of her youngest at her (my friend's) home. she died instantly, and the 4 year old saw the whole thing.

another friend, with horrible nut allergies, from the gym died tragically after ingesting hazelnut frosting from a cake as she scooped the frosting on her finger on the way out of the restaurant two weeks ago. she had a cardiac arrest at the emergency room, and never woke up. she was in a coma for two weeks with no brain activity. they buried her today, and i went to the funeral. when her 9 and 7 year old babies (the same age as my two children) began to quietly cry as they brought her body into the church, i lost it.

i think it was the culmination of such tragedy and grief all around me.

i am sullen and quiet today.

overwhelmed with the thoughts.

and reaching for the strength to grasp all of this.

my grateful box is getting all kinds of entries lately.

i am so grateful.