thoughts

so, here i am. i am full of thought. full of things swirling in my head. i am just going to write. letting it flow, and letting it ... well, out.

there is so much happening, so much. the past year has been a period of unrest, but also growth. we are well. we are actually very well, on many levels. and on others there is the unrest. the growth.
our children are healthy and happy. 3rd grade has been a big change for the little man. he has an adjustment with the teacher he has been assigned to. she is very .... different. he is doing great academically, socially, structurally. psychologically with her? not so great. she isn't my ideal (boohoo right, he's in 3rd grade - life lesson and all, i know) but she isn't his either, from what i gather. she isn't very engaging, or charasmatic, or exciting, or even .. uhm how can i say this - interesting. a hard position to be in for an 8 year old boy. 2nd grade, on the other hand, is wonderful. the little gal is doing great - loves the teacher (little man had her last year, so we know this one well and adore her!) problem there? she's pregnant. due in Feb. very, VERY happy for her. worried a wee bit about the perma-sub that will come in; and little gal doesn't even grasp that she won't be there when she has the baby. she likely thinks that she'll strap the baby on her back and come back and teach. poor kid. guess i need to address that. bleh. together, they are doing well as siblings. challenges, yes, but for the most part, peacefully cohabitating. our marriage is strong, and healthy, and very happy. again, peacefully cohabitating - with benefits, of course. ;) our home is wonderful, our neighborhood is terrific, and our friends are here. our dogs are an amazing addition to our lives, and we enjoy them wholeheartedly. our families have their issues, and their crosses to bear, of course, as we all do. but the one member that weighs heavy on our minds of course, is Bry. he is doing well, he is healthy, and working hard in Iraq. we hear from him often, via email and also, phone. so great to hear his voice. it is comforting for sure. his wife keeps us up to speed as well, and she is handling this like a trooper.

so, where then is the unrest, you ask?

my husband's career.
a friend's daughter's new cancer diagnosis.
my 4th quarter sales objective.
my inability to let down my inhibition and create.
the unsettled feelings of not writing my book.

there. said it. weird order, isn't it. it just rattled out.

hubby's career - he is in flux right now. he has never been in this position in his entire life. sales is a hard field. it is gratifying and rewarding, and aggravating and destructive at times. he left his solid, settled-and-not-growing position about 18 months ago. he had been there for 7 years. great at the job, and well respected. bored, and stale, and not moving anywhere - he needed more. he found, what was, in theory, a phenominal fit for he and the company he went with. the owner turned out to be nothing he said he was, and made some changes that gravely affected his psyche, as well as his ability to be himself. he left. he then found the current position that had HUGE potential, and HUGE opportunity - but it's within the mortgage industry (a software piece that will provide incredible management tools to the company) and it's turning upside down right now. the owner made some changes that gravely affected his pocket, and that sucks. s.u.c.k.s. so, he is in the market again. again. and he is not happy about it. he is stressed, and worried. and he is so not deserving of this. this man is incredible. he is strong, and worthy, and rock solid, and dedicated, and determined to be the best, and caring, and loving, and loyal, and smart, and funny, and level headed, and reasonable, and ... so many things. he is a valuable employee, and an asset to any company. he will be successful, just as he has been so many times before. he will find his way. i just hate that he is in thes dang spot again. again.

my friend's daughter. she is doing well, 17 treatments into her plan. the tumor was removed, and the radiation seemingly is working. she is 5. she was 13 weeks premature and had one helluva fight back then. she is a gem, a special soul. and then this. today she began to lose her hair. her mother blogged at caringbridge about the clump of glorious red hair that she found in her hand today. i have a hole in my stomach for this family. they are phenominal. preschool friends. the oldest daughter is one year ahead of cam and is an incredible child. gifted, and charming, and creative, and lovely. why do these things happen? why.

my sales objectives, and sales opportunities. 4th quarter sucks. plain and simple. i need to get running, and get moving smarter, and faster.

creating. yeah, i've been stuck. ground right down to a screeching, careening halt. not that i was pumping things out as some of the uber talented people out there - no, the screeching was the process in my head. the thoughts to get the creating done. it just plain stopped. the ideas stopped coming. then the motivation waned. then the sadness set in. then i just filled the space with something else, and forgot that being creative felt really good. i am jonesing to create. the ideas are back. the thoughts are filling my head, and the creativity is right there - right on the tip of my fingers. i am eager to find the time, the space, and the energy to do it all again. i am ready to just allow the inspiration to come in and have a look around. it's a nice little house my head. there are definitely nice little places to be comfortable in there.

my book. or bookS, that is. i have placed this on the back burner as well. heck, a whole other stove, i think. i want to write. i want to. i'm stuck. and i know, in my heart, that once i am able to just let it flow, the stuck feeling will be gone. it'll open and go ~ ~ ~

i know it. i just need to begin it.

a wise man once said to me "it's only overwhelming when you look at all the things together as a whole. piece by piece, item by item, take it apart, and peel the layers off - given the chance to look at everything individually, you will likely tackle each piece easily."

read that again. unbelieveable advice, isn't it? it is so dangity true, too.

so, wow. if you're here - you rock. thanks for hearing me. it all seems so simple once you write it out, and clear your head.

again, on so many levels things are so good. so good. and then well, then we have the growth. it is growth. it is.

i think that's all right now. maybe more tomorrow.

thanks, too, again for the readers of the pages here. i really do appreciate it. :)