breathe .. slow down .. calmly respond

that was the three nuggets of fantastic advice that a wonderful anesthesiologist gave me today while we were chatting about his purchase of my equipment.

it wasn't earth shattering, or even new to me. i've heard it, i even incorporate it into my life most especially with my kids. well i've tried to do that - most often succeeding, to be honest. what it was for me was a moment. a moment of pause. it hit me. can't explain why his nuggets, on this day, in this location, with this man. alignment of the moons, perhaps, or just a reminder that there are things that happen for a reason.

he and i got into a lovely personal conversation after the business conversation about my family, and children, and husband, etc. you know the relationship building kind that sales reps get to do - that part of my career i adore - and he was in a word, relaxing. he had a wonderful disposition, an incredibly peaceful appearance (handsome, in fact!) and very, well, for lack of a better word, fatherly approach to me. he was quite a bit older (told me his kids are 25 and 23) and has been an anesthesiologist for 30 + years.

i heard the advice. i mean really heard it. so fitting to be delivered by a stranger during the aforementioned difficult time with the little rascally 8.5 year old that i live with (for the record - we are processing our way through it, and finding our groove again; school is even gaining smoothness ... phew!) but he had asked me about the rascals, so i mentioned the 'time' we're seemingly in.

he looked me right in the eye. smiled, and said this:

'karin, just take a breath, ease your mind, stay calm, and respond with gentle words. really, everyday, i look at the folks that i help here with anesthesia - the awful catastrophies (he's in a pretty big Boston hospital with about 15,000 surgical cases a year both pedi and adult) that people are dealing with, and really, does the mundane frustration we handle with our children that are healthy and happy, really matter? do we really need to be so upset with minutia? in the end, we're healthy, and they're healthy. nothing else - NOTHING else matters.'

thud.

heavens, is he right.

i felt like i was awakened. i know this stuff. i'm reminded so often when you hear of an abducted child, or a terminal illness, or at worst, the death of a child. getting upset about my kid testing the boundaries within an age appropriate level is, in a word, minutia.

so today, he rattled my cage a little. i'd been sleeping i think for a few weeks, spiraling downwards, really. not feeling like i was effective, and clearly negatively affecting the attitudes, and intensity of my kidliwinks. don't get me wrong, it was not ugly in the worst way - it was a phase that i allowed myself to be sucked into; and subsequently dealt with the anger that i let that happen, but also the anger that my kids were "not listening ...". of course there is more to the story with my life rolling up like a ball of yarn, and of course there are other factors - we all go through it from time to time. it's life, in a nutshell, i know. but the reality is this: my children are terrific little gifts presented to me to open, adore, grow, nurture, and release when the time is right, with all the magical things that i place in their hearts, and minds. i need to peel off the layers of worrying whether or not they will be well adjusted, and productive members of adult society. enough already, i know.
they.will.be.because.they.already.are.

i dunno what happened today, but i swear, that man cleared some fog.

i guess we all need that clearing every once in a while, don't we?