I believe-
That we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
I believe-
That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
I believe-
That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
I believe-
That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
I believe-
That it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
I believe-
That you should always leave others with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
I believe-
That you can keep going long after you can't.
I believe-
That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I believe-
That either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I believe-
That regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.
I believe-
That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I believe-
That money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I believe-
That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.
I believe-
That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.
I believe-
That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I believe-
That just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
I believe-
That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
I believe-
That it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I believe-
That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I believe-
That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
I believe-
That just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.
I believe-
That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
I believe-
That two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
I believe-
That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.
I believe-
That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.
I believe-
That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
I believe-
That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
isn't that just so true? all of it?
My cousing sent this to me, and I really loved it. I am making a layout with it.
wanted to pass on here .....
Monday, October 30, 2006
Saturday, October 28, 2006
A Rainy Saturday
hockey game (at a rink 1.5 hours away). check.
lunch with the family. check.
warm heat eminating from the stove whilst tea is brewing. check.
brother and sister gleefully playing pirates and maiden-in-distress. check.
dogs hovering at my feet awaiting yet the 356786645th ear rub from me. today. check.
pool about to overflow from heavy rains. check.
husband off to purchase pump to evacuate the water from said pool. check.
friends en route from Maine (two couples, one very, very pregnant with twins) for the night. check.
excitement brewing for triple date with said couples arriving for adult conversation and fun. check.
sitters for aforementioned pirate and maiden planned for evening. check.
and it's 1:00PM on Saturday.
Hope your day is as fun, and as filled with things you love!
and here is a little thing I received via email today ... thought it was neat.
The task is what it is. Your attitude is what you decide it is going to be.
Treasure the effort and you'll move effectively through it. Treasure the effort, and you'll joyfully create solid, lasting value.
-- Ralph Marston
yeah, I like that.
lunch with the family. check.
warm heat eminating from the stove whilst tea is brewing. check.
brother and sister gleefully playing pirates and maiden-in-distress. check.
dogs hovering at my feet awaiting yet the 356786645th ear rub from me. today. check.
pool about to overflow from heavy rains. check.
husband off to purchase pump to evacuate the water from said pool. check.
friends en route from Maine (two couples, one very, very pregnant with twins) for the night. check.
excitement brewing for triple date with said couples arriving for adult conversation and fun. check.
sitters for aforementioned pirate and maiden planned for evening. check.
and it's 1:00PM on Saturday.
Hope your day is as fun, and as filled with things you love!
and here is a little thing I received via email today ... thought it was neat.
The task is what it is. Your attitude is what you decide it is going to be.
Treasure the effort and you'll move effectively through it. Treasure the effort, and you'll joyfully create solid, lasting value.
-- Ralph Marston
yeah, I like that.
Friday, October 27, 2006
a day in the life .....
of us.
I have been feeling especially happy the last few weeks. It feels so good, and so pleasant to be around me - I mean, I am happy to be around me, hopefully OTHERS feel the same way! :O)
I am generally in a good mood, lots of energy, and happy to be *here* in this life. The past few weeks have been especially terrific, and that mood is even more pleasant.
The kids are really enjoying their school, their classes, their teachers, and their relationship building with friends has been going well ( a few snags here and there, but in general typical 7 and 6 year old things ...) I have been asked to be one of the room moms for K's class. :O) Love that stuff. I went to dinner with the Kindergarten teacher and two of the room moms from last year earlier this week. I have no doubt that Mrs. G will be a friend for many many years to come ... I hope so anyway!
The kids are both deeply involved in their activities and really finding pleasure with the fun of it all - a little update on that part of their lives:
Hockey is just amazing this year - this kid is just exploding in his effort, energy, understanding of the game, and his extreme pleasure in just being there. He is the leading goal scorer on his team right now, and they have been some really great shots he's made. The team is really beginning to blend together, and I can see that the remainder of the year will be equally as enjoyable! He's already talking about baseball for the spring, too!
Gymnastics is going so well - she has been doing backhandsprings and back hip circles on her own now for a bit, and she just BEAMS with excitement that she is doing that! She is finding the grace, and beauty in thje movement now, and that adds a whole new facet. Piano is just a treat! She is clearly, and without question a sponge for new things .... she picks it up without much difficulty, and she is happy to learn new things.
My job is keeping me "just right" busy. I am having terrific success with the sales aspect, and the product has been wonderful to work with. We launched a new product and that is just beginning to take off!
Sean is enjoying his job, and the learning curve has been a good ride so far. He is anxious to really dig in deep, and the initial strategy is to meet and greet, and then dig in. He's enjoying it, though.
Unfortunately, no more offers on my parents house. Looks like it will end in a way that we all didn't expect, but they will bounce back without question. I am putting together a "book of memories" of each person's account of the memories that house has brought to them. We are a family of 14 in the immediate family so there will be 14 stories for them to read. We are compiling the book to give to them on Thanksgiving. I think they will really love it. I am also planning a nice Christmas Present for them, related to the house, of course.
So, in all, that's what's been happening. Nothing really crazy, just life - keeping me busy and keeping the family busy.
Good stuff.
I will try and blog a bit more. That's what I'm hoping anyway .....
I have been feeling especially happy the last few weeks. It feels so good, and so pleasant to be around me - I mean, I am happy to be around me, hopefully OTHERS feel the same way! :O)
I am generally in a good mood, lots of energy, and happy to be *here* in this life. The past few weeks have been especially terrific, and that mood is even more pleasant.
The kids are really enjoying their school, their classes, their teachers, and their relationship building with friends has been going well ( a few snags here and there, but in general typical 7 and 6 year old things ...) I have been asked to be one of the room moms for K's class. :O) Love that stuff. I went to dinner with the Kindergarten teacher and two of the room moms from last year earlier this week. I have no doubt that Mrs. G will be a friend for many many years to come ... I hope so anyway!
The kids are both deeply involved in their activities and really finding pleasure with the fun of it all - a little update on that part of their lives:
Hockey is just amazing this year - this kid is just exploding in his effort, energy, understanding of the game, and his extreme pleasure in just being there. He is the leading goal scorer on his team right now, and they have been some really great shots he's made. The team is really beginning to blend together, and I can see that the remainder of the year will be equally as enjoyable! He's already talking about baseball for the spring, too!
Gymnastics is going so well - she has been doing backhandsprings and back hip circles on her own now for a bit, and she just BEAMS with excitement that she is doing that! She is finding the grace, and beauty in thje movement now, and that adds a whole new facet. Piano is just a treat! She is clearly, and without question a sponge for new things .... she picks it up without much difficulty, and she is happy to learn new things.
My job is keeping me "just right" busy. I am having terrific success with the sales aspect, and the product has been wonderful to work with. We launched a new product and that is just beginning to take off!
Sean is enjoying his job, and the learning curve has been a good ride so far. He is anxious to really dig in deep, and the initial strategy is to meet and greet, and then dig in. He's enjoying it, though.
Unfortunately, no more offers on my parents house. Looks like it will end in a way that we all didn't expect, but they will bounce back without question. I am putting together a "book of memories" of each person's account of the memories that house has brought to them. We are a family of 14 in the immediate family so there will be 14 stories for them to read. We are compiling the book to give to them on Thanksgiving. I think they will really love it. I am also planning a nice Christmas Present for them, related to the house, of course.
So, in all, that's what's been happening. Nothing really crazy, just life - keeping me busy and keeping the family busy.
Good stuff.
I will try and blog a bit more. That's what I'm hoping anyway .....
Saturday, October 21, 2006
Number 9 ... Number 9 ...
We celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary Thursday this week, and it still feels so amazing that we are *already* there. It has been an amazing ride, and a wonderful adventure.
Complete with challenges, and bumps, and of course frustration at times, but the majority of time has been wonderful, and fun, and loving, and exciting.
And, the reality of marrying your best friend, and living with your true soul mate, and building your future with him, is just phenominal.
I so often ask why I am so lucky, and why I get to walk in these shoes, in this life with this great guy....
So, thank you, S, for the 9 years filled with everything and more that marriage is supposed to be, for the love, for the adventure, and most of all for the friendship.
143 always,
:O)
Complete with challenges, and bumps, and of course frustration at times, but the majority of time has been wonderful, and fun, and loving, and exciting.
And, the reality of marrying your best friend, and living with your true soul mate, and building your future with him, is just phenominal.
I so often ask why I am so lucky, and why I get to walk in these shoes, in this life with this great guy....
So, thank you, S, for the 9 years filled with everything and more that marriage is supposed to be, for the love, for the adventure, and most of all for the friendship.
143 always,
:O)
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
* ________________* {insert inappropriate word here}
dagnabbit.
the people backed out of the sale of my parents home.
it's like a bad dream.
so sad.
so frustrated, and so overwhelmingly roller-coastered OUT!
if you have some peaceful, calming, good luck vibes sittin' around doin' nothing, would you mind sparing a few?
:O(
the people backed out of the sale of my parents home.
it's like a bad dream.
so sad.
so frustrated, and so overwhelmingly roller-coastered OUT!
if you have some peaceful, calming, good luck vibes sittin' around doin' nothing, would you mind sparing a few?
:O(
Monday, October 16, 2006
12 months .... and 35 years later
the house I grew up in will be inhabited by another family.
my parents got an offer Friday, and accepted it today. 12 months after placing it on the market.
and 35 years after moving in with their 7,4, and 2 year old children.
their house, my childhood home, is now in someone else's capable (I hope!) hands.
I am choked up with this. it is bittersweet for sure. it is time for it to happen, and it is necessary. but that doesn't make it any easier.
and it will be a very emotional day.
I learned to swim in the very first built in pool in the city there (my dad built it)
I kissed my first boy on the porch there.
I had long-into-the-night chats with my sister, and my friends, and boyfriends there.
I got dressed for my proms there.
I had one of the biggest confirmation parties ever there as my parents were at a fundraiser gala.
my bridal and baby showers were there.
I got dressed for my wedding there, and had all of my family pictures there.
I brought my first baby, at 12 weeks old, home there where we lived for 4 months while we renovated our first home we purchased.
my grandfather passed away there.
so many memories. so many beautiful times there.
35 years have passed, and my family has the memories to prove it.
my parents got an offer Friday, and accepted it today. 12 months after placing it on the market.
and 35 years after moving in with their 7,4, and 2 year old children.
their house, my childhood home, is now in someone else's capable (I hope!) hands.
I am choked up with this. it is bittersweet for sure. it is time for it to happen, and it is necessary. but that doesn't make it any easier.
and it will be a very emotional day.
I learned to swim in the very first built in pool in the city there (my dad built it)
I kissed my first boy on the porch there.
I had long-into-the-night chats with my sister, and my friends, and boyfriends there.
I got dressed for my proms there.
I had one of the biggest confirmation parties ever there as my parents were at a fundraiser gala.
my bridal and baby showers were there.
I got dressed for my wedding there, and had all of my family pictures there.
I brought my first baby, at 12 weeks old, home there where we lived for 4 months while we renovated our first home we purchased.
my grandfather passed away there.
so many memories. so many beautiful times there.
35 years have passed, and my family has the memories to prove it.
Sunday, October 15, 2006
time ....
I can't seem to find enough of it the last few weeks .... as a result, the computer has suffered with my absence. Thankfully, there has been little complaints from the 'ole fella.
Busy with daily life, and a few extras ...
S was away for a boys annual weekend golfing in the lovely weather of Myrtle Beach, then I was away for work (literally 5 hours after he landed, I was off on a plane ....) for a few days, and, AND the kids never slowed down in consideration of single parenthood for us (the nerve, right?). So, without question, spending time apart has solidified the fact that S and I will be sticking together. At least for another 9 years. (marriage anniversary #9 this week, it's true ....)
the kiddies are doing well. C seems to be transisitioning with some school stuff, and struggling with a facet or two of relationship building. Not enough for us to worry (well, that's not true, we ALWAYS worry, right?) but enough struggle to warrant discussions with him. He seemingly is weepier at odd times for him, so that has our attention, and of course, gives us the platform to open the discussion. He is processing well, and we are feeling that he is handling it. He is responding to the discussions well, and has some good insight into the situations, and that leads us to independently handling it. I will say, all of it just allows us the connection to the little man he is. 'tis a work in progress with growing up thing, isn't it?
K is just blossoming. She is just so connected to the environment of school, and friends, and development. we are just so enjoying her journey. she added skating to her repetoire of skills recently, and seems to really thrive in the adventure. she assures us that "she will not be playing hockey, she is only learning to skate". yeah, we'll see. she is still deeply entrenched in gymnastics, and piano, so this is an additional. thankfully, gym is two times a week, and piano once, so the once a week skating isn't putting her over the edge, so to speak.
other than all of that (good gravy, that IS enough, yes???) life is ticking ....
I'll try and not ignore the computer too much, and get here a wee bit more.
Truthfully, my life is exactly where I have wanted it for, well, for EVER. :O)
have a good night, folks.
Busy with daily life, and a few extras ...
S was away for a boys annual weekend golfing in the lovely weather of Myrtle Beach, then I was away for work (literally 5 hours after he landed, I was off on a plane ....) for a few days, and, AND the kids never slowed down in consideration of single parenthood for us (the nerve, right?). So, without question, spending time apart has solidified the fact that S and I will be sticking together. At least for another 9 years. (marriage anniversary #9 this week, it's true ....)
the kiddies are doing well. C seems to be transisitioning with some school stuff, and struggling with a facet or two of relationship building. Not enough for us to worry (well, that's not true, we ALWAYS worry, right?) but enough struggle to warrant discussions with him. He seemingly is weepier at odd times for him, so that has our attention, and of course, gives us the platform to open the discussion. He is processing well, and we are feeling that he is handling it. He is responding to the discussions well, and has some good insight into the situations, and that leads us to independently handling it. I will say, all of it just allows us the connection to the little man he is. 'tis a work in progress with growing up thing, isn't it?
K is just blossoming. She is just so connected to the environment of school, and friends, and development. we are just so enjoying her journey. she added skating to her repetoire of skills recently, and seems to really thrive in the adventure. she assures us that "she will not be playing hockey, she is only learning to skate". yeah, we'll see. she is still deeply entrenched in gymnastics, and piano, so this is an additional. thankfully, gym is two times a week, and piano once, so the once a week skating isn't putting her over the edge, so to speak.
other than all of that (good gravy, that IS enough, yes???) life is ticking ....
I'll try and not ignore the computer too much, and get here a wee bit more.
Truthfully, my life is exactly where I have wanted it for, well, for EVER. :O)
have a good night, folks.
Friday, October 06, 2006
And yet, another weekend ....
...is upon us.
This has been a busy week. And the busy continues onward through the weekend ......
I had some work organization to get done, and some accounts that needed to be seen. Then on Wednesday, my dear hubby flew off to Myrtle Beach through this Sunday for golf, golf, beer, golf, and more golf. ;) So I have been a "single mom" for a few days already, and it's going, well, it's going. It isn't easy, but it isn't impossible, either. We have tons of things happening here this week and weekend from a social/activity (as in a wine tasting, a hockey game, hockey practice, a wedding, and a surprise party - yes, I am serious ALL of that!) stand point, so that's been a drag without a *mate*, but other than that, the kids are doing fine - and so am I. The kids had a melt down (I reallllly miss daddy ..... kind of melt down) initially, but it's been better since then.
Went to dinner tonight with the kids to a very kid-friendly, fun little ice-cream-shop-type of local place here. Had a good time, and of course, topped it with ice cream for dessert, them - not me :)
Heading to Chicago for a few days next week for a product launch with my company. Looking forward to seeing the new product, as I hear it is AWESOME, but not being out of home turf, you know? As my friend, Fransie indicated, when the mommy leaves, it's a full time job just to get out the door to go where you're going. So .... during this busy weekend, I will be readying the kids, and the homestead for the departure of "mommy". Thank goodness my hubby is a capable dude, I think I'd just die if I didn't have that .... :O)
SO, with that, off to enjoy the quiet, resting house before the busy begins tomorrow.
before I go, though, I had promised some toothless grin shots of the little K-gal. The really up close one cracks me up, she looks like the Blairwitch project with a silly grin, doesnt she?? Maybe a Saturday Night Live future in parodies? :)
anyway, here they are ... and no, the "picture" hasn't changed yet - not a single sign of a new tooth replacing the ones that left. I'm getting a wee bit nervous. Ever heard of that? It's been two + months. eek, huh?
have a good night, all! and a wonderful long weekend!
This has been a busy week. And the busy continues onward through the weekend ......
I had some work organization to get done, and some accounts that needed to be seen. Then on Wednesday, my dear hubby flew off to Myrtle Beach through this Sunday for golf, golf, beer, golf, and more golf. ;) So I have been a "single mom" for a few days already, and it's going, well, it's going. It isn't easy, but it isn't impossible, either. We have tons of things happening here this week and weekend from a social/activity (as in a wine tasting, a hockey game, hockey practice, a wedding, and a surprise party - yes, I am serious ALL of that!) stand point, so that's been a drag without a *mate*, but other than that, the kids are doing fine - and so am I. The kids had a melt down (I reallllly miss daddy ..... kind of melt down) initially, but it's been better since then.
Went to dinner tonight with the kids to a very kid-friendly, fun little ice-cream-shop-type of local place here. Had a good time, and of course, topped it with ice cream for dessert, them - not me :)
Heading to Chicago for a few days next week for a product launch with my company. Looking forward to seeing the new product, as I hear it is AWESOME, but not being out of home turf, you know? As my friend, Fransie indicated, when the mommy leaves, it's a full time job just to get out the door to go where you're going. So .... during this busy weekend, I will be readying the kids, and the homestead for the departure of "mommy". Thank goodness my hubby is a capable dude, I think I'd just die if I didn't have that .... :O)
SO, with that, off to enjoy the quiet, resting house before the busy begins tomorrow.
before I go, though, I had promised some toothless grin shots of the little K-gal. The really up close one cracks me up, she looks like the Blairwitch project with a silly grin, doesnt she?? Maybe a Saturday Night Live future in parodies? :)
anyway, here they are ... and no, the "picture" hasn't changed yet - not a single sign of a new tooth replacing the ones that left. I'm getting a wee bit nervous. Ever heard of that? It's been two + months. eek, huh?
have a good night, all! and a wonderful long weekend!
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Saturday .....
it has SUCH a nice feel to it ...
C and S went to early hockey practice, and a friend of his had a game after him so they stayed and watched. K and I had breaky together, watched a little cartoons (girly ones, SOOOO different from the boylie ones!) and then the doorbell rang ....
the neighbor. i love this kid, C.
the kid that feels so comfy here that even without his buddy C around, he can come in, hang with the lil' sis of his "brodder from anodder modder" and kick up the bowling in the basement, and then play putt putt in the living room with her. They are giggling, and having a blast together.
I have been busy changing beds, doing luandry, cleaning up the little things that accumulate over the week - you know, dolls, and toys, and cars, and books, papers - and just general Saturday morning things. music on, laughter resounding ... good stuff. friends arriving later for some good times too.
good day.
in other news .... the pool is getting closed today :O( summer is really over, I guess. actually, I am not all that sad, as the fall is the BEST time to live where we live. changing of seasons always feels so, I don't know, *right*.
so, happy Saturday, and even Sunday while I am at it.
off to listen to some laughter.
:O)
C and S went to early hockey practice, and a friend of his had a game after him so they stayed and watched. K and I had breaky together, watched a little cartoons (girly ones, SOOOO different from the boylie ones!) and then the doorbell rang ....
the neighbor. i love this kid, C.
the kid that feels so comfy here that even without his buddy C around, he can come in, hang with the lil' sis of his "brodder from anodder modder" and kick up the bowling in the basement, and then play putt putt in the living room with her. They are giggling, and having a blast together.
I have been busy changing beds, doing luandry, cleaning up the little things that accumulate over the week - you know, dolls, and toys, and cars, and books, papers - and just general Saturday morning things. music on, laughter resounding ... good stuff. friends arriving later for some good times too.
good day.
in other news .... the pool is getting closed today :O( summer is really over, I guess. actually, I am not all that sad, as the fall is the BEST time to live where we live. changing of seasons always feels so, I don't know, *right*.
so, happy Saturday, and even Sunday while I am at it.
off to listen to some laughter.
:O)
Friday, September 29, 2006
spelling words
so, each week, the kids get their homework asigned on Monday, for the week. I kind of like it, to be honest. gives us a routine to go with.
C's has been like this: Mondays, write the spelling words 2 times each, math "game" with family member, read and log in your reading. Tuesday, write 5 sentences using the spelling words, math work ... read, log it. Wednesday sentences, math, read ... Thursday, spelling game for test on Fri, math work, read...
so, the last two weeks C's words have been review, he's loving the 'ease' of the duties, and being the comedian that he is, has made the sentences as interesting, and left-of-center as he can. I love the creative juices, no doubt, and he is enjoying the freedom it brings.
so, last week he is finishing up the sentences and tells me to come and read them.
the first four were fine, typical for his thinking out of the box phase he's in.
the last one struck me. initially, I was questioning him on it, but then I stepped back.
"I am the opposite of still"
;o)
how true. how stinkin' true. on so many levels.
love that thought process.
C's has been like this: Mondays, write the spelling words 2 times each, math "game" with family member, read and log in your reading. Tuesday, write 5 sentences using the spelling words, math work ... read, log it. Wednesday sentences, math, read ... Thursday, spelling game for test on Fri, math work, read...
so, the last two weeks C's words have been review, he's loving the 'ease' of the duties, and being the comedian that he is, has made the sentences as interesting, and left-of-center as he can. I love the creative juices, no doubt, and he is enjoying the freedom it brings.
so, last week he is finishing up the sentences and tells me to come and read them.
the first four were fine, typical for his thinking out of the box phase he's in.
the last one struck me. initially, I was questioning him on it, but then I stepped back.
"I am the opposite of still"
;o)
how true. how stinkin' true. on so many levels.
love that thought process.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
angels
few people know my attachment and belief in angels. I have always felt strongly that they are part of my life, watch over me, guide me, protect me ... you know, angel duties. I have a few personal angels that are special.
driving home tonight, K gal and I are chatting. Loads of puffy clouds in the sky (clearly prompting her to think of angels as we have discussed their innate ability to jump from cloud to cloud with ease ...) and the conversation went like this:
"mom, when angels fly, can they fly anywhere?"
"yep, pretty much anywhere they want to .. wide open up there"
"so, from city to city and state to state?"
"yep, all over, even country to country - France, Italy, China, Spain"
"even to Texas?!" :)
"yep, even that enormous place, Texas"
"do they go really fast, like faster than a plane?"
"I am sure they can go as fast or slow as they want, but sure, fast would be fun, wouldn't it?"
"yeah ..." pause ....pause .... pause ..... "so, mom, once you're an angel, you get to stay there forever, right?"
"well, as far as I know you do, K"
"will I get to fly with all the angels?"
{choke up} "yes, when you are really old, like 110, you can be an angel and fly with all of them"
:O)
Man, I love this kid.
driving home tonight, K gal and I are chatting. Loads of puffy clouds in the sky (clearly prompting her to think of angels as we have discussed their innate ability to jump from cloud to cloud with ease ...) and the conversation went like this:
"mom, when angels fly, can they fly anywhere?"
"yep, pretty much anywhere they want to .. wide open up there"
"so, from city to city and state to state?"
"yep, all over, even country to country - France, Italy, China, Spain"
"even to Texas?!" :)
"yep, even that enormous place, Texas"
"do they go really fast, like faster than a plane?"
"I am sure they can go as fast or slow as they want, but sure, fast would be fun, wouldn't it?"
"yeah ..." pause ....pause .... pause ..... "so, mom, once you're an angel, you get to stay there forever, right?"
"well, as far as I know you do, K"
"will I get to fly with all the angels?"
{choke up} "yes, when you are really old, like 110, you can be an angel and fly with all of them"
:O)
Man, I love this kid.
Monday, September 25, 2006
bad blogger, I am
wow. A whole week? how exactly does a whole week zip by at the speed of light?
{sigh}
My life. Our life.
The last few weeks, since school started have truly felt like a dream .... I can't believe we are already in the schedule we are in. It is fun, and exciting, and the routine feels .... right, you know? C's hockey, and K's gymanstics/piano schedules have added to the feeling of routine too. We have been busy, but not "over-scheduled".
I also found a way to get back to the gym. Feels SO good. I literally took the summer off. I was excercising with the kids, and defintiely got my healthy groove on during the summer .... but I took about 6 weeks off from equipment, and weights. I needed to be with the kids. There was no way I was over-programming the summer. So, with me at the gym, them back in the routine of their lives, I just feel like we're on a treadmill. Not going too fast, and not an uncomfortable pace even.
It feels "right".
So, here I sit, the routine moved me forward into a new week. The weather is feeling fall-like, and scrumptious!
Work has been a flury of a schedule I am keeping as well. I still LOVE it. It is such a great job, great company, and great product. I am closing out the quarter, and month today, as a matter of fact, and I will be at 104% of quota for the year. I am so excited about that, and with some more pushing, and closing of deals, I should finish the year at that % and that'll win me an incentive trip! :O) Wooohhhhooooo Costa Rica, baby! Never been, and from all accounts the Corporate head honchos treat the staff quite well on the trips. There are only 10 folks selected (top 1/3 in sales) and their significant others. So, it is a small enough crew that 5 star treatment is a must. S is all giddy with excitement, too. (apparently the golf is world class)
I mentioned C's hockey, we're back in the swing, full throttle. It is, in a word, awesome! He is on a Mite A travel team, and has had 4 games already. He has 2 goals, and an assist already. :o) He is playing really well, and already we see some changes with the new team/new coaches. He really just loves it. We should be in 60 games this year, and about 70 practices. Sounds nuts, but it is spread out from September to April. ;o) Then baseball begins, and he will be involved in a busier team with that this year too. He's all kinds of excited about that!
K's gymanstics is going really awesome too! she is there two days a week, and has just grown by leaps and bounds! She is doing a back handspring by herself now. Back walkovers are a breeze, and she has the prettiest splits! :O) I love watching her light up with it! She is digging piano still, and just amazes me with the understanding of the notes, the keys, and songs. It is such neat stuff to watch the 'sponge' absorb. Her teacher says she is doing beautifully, and she is the youngest student for her, so she is really enjoying the foundation level stuff. I love listening! :O)
S's new job is wonderful. He is loving it. I swear this job was written for him. Sports, selling, and people. The three things he adores about a "job".
oh, the planet alignment is still working ..... trying to catch the star with all the good wishes that are coming this way - thanks for the thoughts! ((hugs))
So, yeah, a catch up, and also a little purging of my brain here today. I'll try to be better writing now that I am in the routine.
Got a neat little thing in email here today, and I wanted to share it. It is one of those *give perspective* reads. I have seen it before, and loved it so thought I'd share, and see what you thought ......
* Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
* Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
* Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
* Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their Maker.
* If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
* Never buy a car you can't push.
* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.
* Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
* Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.
* The second mouse gets the cheese.
* When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
* Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
* You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.
* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once
* We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull, Some have weird names , and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.
* A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
have a great day today!
{sigh}
My life. Our life.
The last few weeks, since school started have truly felt like a dream .... I can't believe we are already in the schedule we are in. It is fun, and exciting, and the routine feels .... right, you know? C's hockey, and K's gymanstics/piano schedules have added to the feeling of routine too. We have been busy, but not "over-scheduled".
I also found a way to get back to the gym. Feels SO good. I literally took the summer off. I was excercising with the kids, and defintiely got my healthy groove on during the summer .... but I took about 6 weeks off from equipment, and weights. I needed to be with the kids. There was no way I was over-programming the summer. So, with me at the gym, them back in the routine of their lives, I just feel like we're on a treadmill. Not going too fast, and not an uncomfortable pace even.
It feels "right".
So, here I sit, the routine moved me forward into a new week. The weather is feeling fall-like, and scrumptious!
Work has been a flury of a schedule I am keeping as well. I still LOVE it. It is such a great job, great company, and great product. I am closing out the quarter, and month today, as a matter of fact, and I will be at 104% of quota for the year. I am so excited about that, and with some more pushing, and closing of deals, I should finish the year at that % and that'll win me an incentive trip! :O) Wooohhhhooooo Costa Rica, baby! Never been, and from all accounts the Corporate head honchos treat the staff quite well on the trips. There are only 10 folks selected (top 1/3 in sales) and their significant others. So, it is a small enough crew that 5 star treatment is a must. S is all giddy with excitement, too. (apparently the golf is world class)
I mentioned C's hockey, we're back in the swing, full throttle. It is, in a word, awesome! He is on a Mite A travel team, and has had 4 games already. He has 2 goals, and an assist already. :o) He is playing really well, and already we see some changes with the new team/new coaches. He really just loves it. We should be in 60 games this year, and about 70 practices. Sounds nuts, but it is spread out from September to April. ;o) Then baseball begins, and he will be involved in a busier team with that this year too. He's all kinds of excited about that!
K's gymanstics is going really awesome too! she is there two days a week, and has just grown by leaps and bounds! She is doing a back handspring by herself now. Back walkovers are a breeze, and she has the prettiest splits! :O) I love watching her light up with it! She is digging piano still, and just amazes me with the understanding of the notes, the keys, and songs. It is such neat stuff to watch the 'sponge' absorb. Her teacher says she is doing beautifully, and she is the youngest student for her, so she is really enjoying the foundation level stuff. I love listening! :O)
S's new job is wonderful. He is loving it. I swear this job was written for him. Sports, selling, and people. The three things he adores about a "job".
oh, the planet alignment is still working ..... trying to catch the star with all the good wishes that are coming this way - thanks for the thoughts! ((hugs))
So, yeah, a catch up, and also a little purging of my brain here today. I'll try to be better writing now that I am in the routine.
Got a neat little thing in email here today, and I wanted to share it. It is one of those *give perspective* reads. I have seen it before, and loved it so thought I'd share, and see what you thought ......
* Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
* Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
* Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
* Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their Maker.
* If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
* Never buy a car you can't push.
* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.
* Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
* Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.
* The second mouse gets the cheese.
* When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
* Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
* You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.
* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once
* We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull, Some have weird names , and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.
* A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
have a great day today!
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Perhaps the planets are aligning .... ?
Okay, don't want to say too much here (so as not to jinx anything ...)
but
sure could use some positive, healing (not the sick or hurt kind of healing, but life changing kind ...) and lucky vibes for some very special people in my family.
some good stuff happened today, that *maybe, just maybe* could be the start of pixie dust for them.
can ye spare any more, friends?
:O)
thanks! (and no worries .... I WILL share the news as it all comes together ..... )
**smooches**
but
sure could use some positive, healing (not the sick or hurt kind of healing, but life changing kind ...) and lucky vibes for some very special people in my family.
some good stuff happened today, that *maybe, just maybe* could be the start of pixie dust for them.
can ye spare any more, friends?
:O)
thanks! (and no worries .... I WILL share the news as it all comes together ..... )
**smooches**
Sunday, September 10, 2006
i love them
and all they have to offer .....
there is a transition happening with them, with their worlds. it is challenging me, and I feel distressed, and frustrated. but, the reality is, it is a phase. it will pass. i know this.
they are what keeps me breathing. they take my breath away. they fill me.
i love them.
there is a transition happening with them, with their worlds. it is challenging me, and I feel distressed, and frustrated. but, the reality is, it is a phase. it will pass. i know this.
they are what keeps me breathing. they take my breath away. they fill me.
i love them.
Thursday, September 07, 2006
New lights .....
they simply "make" the room. I am so tickled with these little additions to my home. 2.5 years I have been looking and contemplating, and deciding, and hemming ..... and hawing.
I dig 'em, I really do.
the color scheme matches the kitchen/dining area so well, and we have blended the family room colors right in, too. The new couch is a deep mustard/earthen tone color.
Love light.
don't you?
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
First Day
Hard to imagine, but it has come and gone.
Essentially, eventless.
Well, save the tears.
At the end of the day, after coming home on the bus.
Mine. {insert sheepish smile here}
yes, I am a sap. The sappiest of saps, I think.
The morning was good, surprisingly, C had a tummy "ache". He mentioned his tummy felt weird. I gave him some extra cuddles, and we chatted about *maybe this being some worry, or perhaps wonder* about what was to come? He listened, agreed hesitantly (aw, mom, I am not worried - it's school!) but still hopped on the bus biting his lip, looking out the window ...
at me. {sniff}
K was wonderful, and NO TEARS. She was actually trying to help C feel better, and talk to him about his tummy. It was sweet, and kind, and so nurturing. She loves him with every cell of her body, and it is so evident. It is so sweet. She jumped on the bus, and sat right down at the window seat - HUGE toothless grins (you'll see that later .....) and smiled away at me, while blowing me kisses.
:O) That was so much easier than I had expected!
I kept myself quite busy today. Thought about them every, oh, I don't know, minute or so. heh.
Wondering .... hoping they were FULLY enjoying themselves. Knowing that they'd be full of stories, and things, and excitement. While I was alone ... keeping busy.
I was surprised how FAST the 6 hours goes by. And yet, every time I looked at the clock, I thought - sheesh, this is a LONG day. :-)
Then, the end of the day came .... they bounded off the bus
"mommy, you'll never guess ....
mommy, I have gym TWO times a week ....
mommy, we got to have recess today - OUTSIDE for a long, long time .....
mommy, can you believe ...
mommy, *I* don't have homework tonight YOU do here's the paperwork ...
mommy, I felt like I was still in first grade, just a different teacher ....
mommy, first grade was so much fun ....
I shared my snack with two friends, we talked, and I even met a new girl - she is Chinese, and has a really cool way she speaks" .....
and it went on and on and on, for several minutes ..... I drank it in, and gleefully listened as they told me story after story.
And we sat and had our snack, and then the knock came. I knew it would sooner or later ... the bestest buddy down the street, he wanted to play ..... up, and out. There they go. Gone. A flash.
"seeya moooooommmmmm ... come on out when you can ......"
then the rain came. from my eyes. :o( I sat at the table, looked at their paperwork, and their bags, and their snack crumbs. Looked at the remains of the first day of school. The first day of FULL day for both of my babies.
A moment I had thought of, but never imagined that it would be here within MINUTES of me giving birth to them.
I put my hands on my face, and sobbed for a bit.
And then I got up, wiped the table, my eyes, and smiled. Gathered myself, and went outside to play.
With my second and first graders.
My babes whose wings are moving rapidly.
(slow down, please, I am trying to keep up, babes!) ;o)
And here, some cute shots that will help with the meloncholy mood.
4 of the crew from this morning. C's face is just hysterical to me with that weird smile.
what first grader might look like cheering her brother on during the last few drips of summer vacation .......
what a second grader might look like laughing and playing during "a journey" during the last few drips of summer vaca .......
hope you are all enjoying the babes.
Essentially, eventless.
Well, save the tears.
At the end of the day, after coming home on the bus.
Mine. {insert sheepish smile here}
yes, I am a sap. The sappiest of saps, I think.
The morning was good, surprisingly, C had a tummy "ache". He mentioned his tummy felt weird. I gave him some extra cuddles, and we chatted about *maybe this being some worry, or perhaps wonder* about what was to come? He listened, agreed hesitantly (aw, mom, I am not worried - it's school!) but still hopped on the bus biting his lip, looking out the window ...
at me. {sniff}
K was wonderful, and NO TEARS. She was actually trying to help C feel better, and talk to him about his tummy. It was sweet, and kind, and so nurturing. She loves him with every cell of her body, and it is so evident. It is so sweet. She jumped on the bus, and sat right down at the window seat - HUGE toothless grins (you'll see that later .....) and smiled away at me, while blowing me kisses.
:O) That was so much easier than I had expected!
I kept myself quite busy today. Thought about them every, oh, I don't know, minute or so. heh.
Wondering .... hoping they were FULLY enjoying themselves. Knowing that they'd be full of stories, and things, and excitement. While I was alone ... keeping busy.
I was surprised how FAST the 6 hours goes by. And yet, every time I looked at the clock, I thought - sheesh, this is a LONG day. :-)
Then, the end of the day came .... they bounded off the bus
"mommy, you'll never guess ....
mommy, I have gym TWO times a week ....
mommy, we got to have recess today - OUTSIDE for a long, long time .....
mommy, can you believe ...
mommy, *I* don't have homework tonight YOU do here's the paperwork ...
mommy, I felt like I was still in first grade, just a different teacher ....
mommy, first grade was so much fun ....
I shared my snack with two friends, we talked, and I even met a new girl - she is Chinese, and has a really cool way she speaks" .....
and it went on and on and on, for several minutes ..... I drank it in, and gleefully listened as they told me story after story.
And we sat and had our snack, and then the knock came. I knew it would sooner or later ... the bestest buddy down the street, he wanted to play ..... up, and out. There they go. Gone. A flash.
"seeya moooooommmmmm ... come on out when you can ......"
then the rain came. from my eyes. :o( I sat at the table, looked at their paperwork, and their bags, and their snack crumbs. Looked at the remains of the first day of school. The first day of FULL day for both of my babies.
A moment I had thought of, but never imagined that it would be here within MINUTES of me giving birth to them.
I put my hands on my face, and sobbed for a bit.
And then I got up, wiped the table, my eyes, and smiled. Gathered myself, and went outside to play.
With my second and first graders.
My babes whose wings are moving rapidly.
(slow down, please, I am trying to keep up, babes!) ;o)
And here, some cute shots that will help with the meloncholy mood.
4 of the crew from this morning. C's face is just hysterical to me with that weird smile. 
what first grader might look like cheering her brother on during the last few drips of summer vacation .......
what a second grader might look like laughing and playing during "a journey" during the last few drips of summer vaca .......hope you are all enjoying the babes.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Thank you -
I had to come and say thanks so much to the lovely comments on my last (very frustrated, and blue) post. I even have to acknowledge a new commenter ... :O) gee, had no idea I had other 'readers'. :O) Kind of neat! I appreciate the cyber-hugs, and definitely appreciate the validation to my motherhood experiences. ;o)
Things are better. Really, much better.
We have a little chart in place with rewards jointly chosen by K and C, so that seems to be pretty motivating. We have the first day of school tomorrow (so nerves and jitters, and excitement seem to be organizing themselves inside their heads, thus keeping the mischief at bay!) and we have had a great weekend.
SO, with all of that, I am going to get some first day of school "treats" and things together, and I will get a bigger, yet better descriptive post on here tomorrow (and who knows - perhaps a photo or two to go with it!)
thanks again ..... *smooch* to all of you!
Things are better. Really, much better.
We have a little chart in place with rewards jointly chosen by K and C, so that seems to be pretty motivating. We have the first day of school tomorrow (so nerves and jitters, and excitement seem to be organizing themselves inside their heads, thus keeping the mischief at bay!) and we have had a great weekend.
SO, with all of that, I am going to get some first day of school "treats" and things together, and I will get a bigger, yet better descriptive post on here tomorrow (and who knows - perhaps a photo or two to go with it!)
thanks again ..... *smooch* to all of you!
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
The trouble with spirited children is .....
they are very strong willed.
Yes, this I knew.
Many, many years ago.
Aiy aiy aiy.
I swear I feel like I have been "teaching lessons" for a week straight (because every time I turn around there is one to *teach*). I feel like I have not been positive (because I haven't). I feel like I have been handing out consequences left and right (because I have). I feel like I am a mean mommy deserving of the bad mommy award for the week (because I am and I do.)
argh. and wahhhhhhh. and ugh. and {sniff sniff}
This is hard. This is frustrating, and crappy.
Parenting is a challenge, and a very slippery slope at times. What I mean is this: frustration finds a way in, the other adult in the "room" (whether it's reality in the room, or just figuratively in the relationship) gets the backlash of frustration because you can't lash out at the kids. So, in the end, the parenting unit is stressed.
THAT's where I am at.
It isn't awful, it isn't all consuming. I really think it's the end of the summer, and we all need a little jolt to the routine we've been in for 2 months.
Tired. Bored. and just growing up.
My kids are super kids. They are fun to be around, and a joy to be a mommy to. They have tons of friends, and other people enjoy being around them.
They are 7 and 6. They will make mistakes, and they will disappoint me, dh, teachers, each other, family .... etc. You get the point. Why then, if I know this am I determined to get them to see things the way I am looking at it.
I was up until 2:10 AM the other night. Writing. It doesn't seem too late, I know. However, I was to be in the OR at 6:45 the next morning, so it was a 6:00AM wake up. I wrote this: (well, this is a bit of it - it's 2.5 pages)
....... I know that I have been extremely difficult to be around, especially during times of high stress. Although we had a great summer, and we found time to enjoy ourselves, I felt overwhelmed with the need to control so much of what happens here. I cannot. I know I can’t. I just can’t keep myself from desiring that control. I hate that part of me. I want so badly to sit back and “let go”. Live and let live.
In so many ways, I know that I can do that – but only in ways that I am not being judged. For instance, my children’s actions; the way my house looks – neatness wise; my appearance; my children’s appearance ~ all of these I am judged on and I want the control of it all, all of it done, my way, so that when people judge me, it is favorably. It is an impossible dream. It is something I am struggling with. Daily. I know that. It is also ridiculous, and so not important items, I know all of this.
I want to let it go.
I need to know that I am doing okay, that I am getting through the shitty stuff, and celebrating the fabulous stuff. I need to know that things are positive when they are positive, and work together when they aren’t. I would love to be more positive, and find a way to celebrate things, things that are important – like my kids NOT arguing, and playing a game together, or like friends finding a way to get along, and celebrating one another by laughing, and giggling, and loving each other. I want to teach my son that being a good person supersedes winning, at all costs. I want to tech my daughter that people listen better when you speak gently. I want to teach my kids that yelling gets nothing but deaf ears. I want to be a role model. I want to be a decent role model. One that handles stress, and finds a way to rise above and love what is *here* in front of me. I want to be a good wife. A good mom. And a good friend.
I want to be better. I guess, we all do, don't we?
I want to celebrate the positive, and ignore the negative (to a point that makes the point, you know what I mean? Not IGNORE completely, but give the attention to the good stuff, and leave the ugly stuff for the garbage, get it?)
I want to let my kids know that they are struggling through stuff that they will learn from, and gain strength from. I want them to feel good about themselves, and not badly. I want them to know that we believe in them, and trust that they will do what is right, and good, and kind, and loving. And pass on these things to their kids.
I want them to be noble citizens, with hearts of gold, and minds of steel, and souls of goodness. I want them to be loved and love. I want them to show what makes the fabric of THEM. They are noble,gold,steel, and good. They ARE love.
You and I are a strong, quality team. I know that we have what it takes to make it. I feel the strength from our relationship, and our love, daily. But I also know that we lose, like all marriages, sight of this through the reality of a busy family with difficult phases that we go through. 7.5 year olds, and 6 year olds can be difficult. But WE are making it more difficult by not allowing them to be who they are. They are babies in the “big picture”. Wouldn’t you agree? You always make me look at the big picture. You always have a way to make me see the end result – the forest through the trees if you will - and the reality of our kids ages is just this : babies. They can’t possibly have the tools to relate, process, feel, understand, and know what we are frustrated with.
Not yet. We need to train them for many years. And if we keep going down this road, it will destruct before our very eyes. I know I will.
C understands feelings, and he is now “getting” that he is hurting feelings of others; it’s going to be a long road to teach how to stop and think BEFORE he acts. Boys, especially little boys, are impulsive, and “living in the moment – moment to moment” kind of people. He is a gentle soul, with a strong spirit. He is a kind kid, one with loads of love.
K can’t hear herself scream like that. She is now grasping that we are climbing the walls when we hear it. Girls get their attention from the whining that they are famous for. Again, it’s going to be a long road before she can squelch the impulse to squeal for attention. We’ve been giving it all along. She is warm, and loving, and giving, and thoughtful. She is a wonderful, spririted kid.
These things I know, and I can rationalize them here. In writing, on paper. I cannot, for the life of me, see through that darn forest to rationalize it in reality when I am IN IT WITH THEM. I know that you have a hard time with this too.
This, this is where I need your help. I need to back away from the negative behavior, and praise the good behavior. I need to keep the point going that “ _______ is a better way to act, and opposed to ______ being the bad way to act”.
Toddlers need positive reinforcement, heck, WE ALL do. I have not been good at that lately. Probably ever, honestly. I am sorry about that. I want to be better at it. I want to give kudos when it’s deserved, and also when it’s just something little.
Spreading love.
Spreading celebration.
Spreading cheer.
Not worrying about being judged, or judging. Not worrying about who will get a big head.
Positive reinforcement.
Loving the goodness in us all.
I bet we can all benefit from it. I believe in this family. I believe in each of you. I believe we can get through this, and find the way to relating better, and processing all the crap that we have to.
I believe we can be better served by celebrating each other. Loving one another more, and showing it, telling it, and FEELING it.
I am sorry for the angst; for the frustration I have caused; for the crappy attitude. I am sorry for the aggravation.
I love you more that you know. I love all three of you, with all of me.
Let’s work on this.
Yes, this I knew.
Many, many years ago.
Aiy aiy aiy.
I swear I feel like I have been "teaching lessons" for a week straight (because every time I turn around there is one to *teach*). I feel like I have not been positive (because I haven't). I feel like I have been handing out consequences left and right (because I have). I feel like I am a mean mommy deserving of the bad mommy award for the week (because I am and I do.)
argh. and wahhhhhhh. and ugh. and {sniff sniff}
This is hard. This is frustrating, and crappy.
Parenting is a challenge, and a very slippery slope at times. What I mean is this: frustration finds a way in, the other adult in the "room" (whether it's reality in the room, or just figuratively in the relationship) gets the backlash of frustration because you can't lash out at the kids. So, in the end, the parenting unit is stressed.
THAT's where I am at.
It isn't awful, it isn't all consuming. I really think it's the end of the summer, and we all need a little jolt to the routine we've been in for 2 months.
Tired. Bored. and just growing up.
My kids are super kids. They are fun to be around, and a joy to be a mommy to. They have tons of friends, and other people enjoy being around them.
They are 7 and 6. They will make mistakes, and they will disappoint me, dh, teachers, each other, family .... etc. You get the point. Why then, if I know this am I determined to get them to see things the way I am looking at it.
I was up until 2:10 AM the other night. Writing. It doesn't seem too late, I know. However, I was to be in the OR at 6:45 the next morning, so it was a 6:00AM wake up. I wrote this: (well, this is a bit of it - it's 2.5 pages)
....... I know that I have been extremely difficult to be around, especially during times of high stress. Although we had a great summer, and we found time to enjoy ourselves, I felt overwhelmed with the need to control so much of what happens here. I cannot. I know I can’t. I just can’t keep myself from desiring that control. I hate that part of me. I want so badly to sit back and “let go”. Live and let live.
In so many ways, I know that I can do that – but only in ways that I am not being judged. For instance, my children’s actions; the way my house looks – neatness wise; my appearance; my children’s appearance ~ all of these I am judged on and I want the control of it all, all of it done, my way, so that when people judge me, it is favorably. It is an impossible dream. It is something I am struggling with. Daily. I know that. It is also ridiculous, and so not important items, I know all of this.
I want to let it go.
I need to know that I am doing okay, that I am getting through the shitty stuff, and celebrating the fabulous stuff. I need to know that things are positive when they are positive, and work together when they aren’t. I would love to be more positive, and find a way to celebrate things, things that are important – like my kids NOT arguing, and playing a game together, or like friends finding a way to get along, and celebrating one another by laughing, and giggling, and loving each other. I want to teach my son that being a good person supersedes winning, at all costs. I want to tech my daughter that people listen better when you speak gently. I want to teach my kids that yelling gets nothing but deaf ears. I want to be a role model. I want to be a decent role model. One that handles stress, and finds a way to rise above and love what is *here* in front of me. I want to be a good wife. A good mom. And a good friend.
I want to be better. I guess, we all do, don't we?
I want to celebrate the positive, and ignore the negative (to a point that makes the point, you know what I mean? Not IGNORE completely, but give the attention to the good stuff, and leave the ugly stuff for the garbage, get it?)
I want to let my kids know that they are struggling through stuff that they will learn from, and gain strength from. I want them to feel good about themselves, and not badly. I want them to know that we believe in them, and trust that they will do what is right, and good, and kind, and loving. And pass on these things to their kids.
I want them to be noble citizens, with hearts of gold, and minds of steel, and souls of goodness. I want them to be loved and love. I want them to show what makes the fabric of THEM. They are noble,gold,steel, and good. They ARE love.
You and I are a strong, quality team. I know that we have what it takes to make it. I feel the strength from our relationship, and our love, daily. But I also know that we lose, like all marriages, sight of this through the reality of a busy family with difficult phases that we go through. 7.5 year olds, and 6 year olds can be difficult. But WE are making it more difficult by not allowing them to be who they are. They are babies in the “big picture”. Wouldn’t you agree? You always make me look at the big picture. You always have a way to make me see the end result – the forest through the trees if you will - and the reality of our kids ages is just this : babies. They can’t possibly have the tools to relate, process, feel, understand, and know what we are frustrated with.
Not yet. We need to train them for many years. And if we keep going down this road, it will destruct before our very eyes. I know I will.
C understands feelings, and he is now “getting” that he is hurting feelings of others; it’s going to be a long road to teach how to stop and think BEFORE he acts. Boys, especially little boys, are impulsive, and “living in the moment – moment to moment” kind of people. He is a gentle soul, with a strong spirit. He is a kind kid, one with loads of love.
K can’t hear herself scream like that. She is now grasping that we are climbing the walls when we hear it. Girls get their attention from the whining that they are famous for. Again, it’s going to be a long road before she can squelch the impulse to squeal for attention. We’ve been giving it all along. She is warm, and loving, and giving, and thoughtful. She is a wonderful, spririted kid.
These things I know, and I can rationalize them here. In writing, on paper. I cannot, for the life of me, see through that darn forest to rationalize it in reality when I am IN IT WITH THEM. I know that you have a hard time with this too.
This, this is where I need your help. I need to back away from the negative behavior, and praise the good behavior. I need to keep the point going that “ _______ is a better way to act, and opposed to ______ being the bad way to act”.
Toddlers need positive reinforcement, heck, WE ALL do. I have not been good at that lately. Probably ever, honestly. I am sorry about that. I want to be better at it. I want to give kudos when it’s deserved, and also when it’s just something little.
Spreading love.
Spreading celebration.
Spreading cheer.
Not worrying about being judged, or judging. Not worrying about who will get a big head.
Positive reinforcement.
Loving the goodness in us all.
I bet we can all benefit from it. I believe in this family. I believe in each of you. I believe we can get through this, and find the way to relating better, and processing all the crap that we have to.
I believe we can be better served by celebrating each other. Loving one another more, and showing it, telling it, and FEELING it.
I am sorry for the angst; for the frustration I have caused; for the crappy attitude. I am sorry for the aggravation.
I love you more that you know. I love all three of you, with all of me.
Let’s work on this.
Monday, August 28, 2006
what a transition weekend!
We had a perfectly, unbelievably, FEMALE weekend! :O)
We rearranged three rooms completely, and also changed 4 lights that have desperately NEEDED it!
Yahooooo!
We purchased a new living room set, with a beautiful chair and ottoman, moved the current living set into a completely unused room and are making that into a kids TV room (close to the kitchen)moved that furniture (antiques - couch, two chairs, and desk - very beautiful - but not for a family room) into our bedroom, and hallway upstairs, and rearranged an area in our room that was being used as storage, and now is a reading nook, with that furniture.
The lights are wonderful! We removed one hanging one from the kids TV room and placed a cap on it, no overhead light now! (initally designed to be a dining room, but our kitchen is the open concept with no walls separating two rooms, and we have the dining table in it, with the family room off that straight ahead) and we replaced the over-the-sink one, the over-the-island one and the dining room table one.
I love, love, love them! It makes the whole room seem different, and prettier! YAY! And believe me, it has been loooooooong overdue! We have lived with these really ugly lights for, er, two years :-\.
I had been looking and looking for new lights, for about, oh, 2 years, and never found *just the right ones*. Then, yesterday, spur of the moment, I was in a store, looking for something else, and BINGO! there they were! (love that impulse buying thing, especially when it works out for the best!)
So, this rearranging is all on the heels of a massive clean sweep in the kids rooms, and our room.
Stuff clearing - mind cleansing - excess removing.
I just found some time to clear out "things". Big bags of good will things. Big bags of hand-me-downs to friends. Big bags of toys for our old pre-school.
I feel like I have a new house. :O) It is so cool.
I will get some pics posted soon ...... very soon.
Today, my dad is getting cable in the kids TV room so that's the adventure for the day. :O)
yahooooooooo!!!
I'm in the search for some more cleansing, so I need to find a needed area ..... :O) hehehehehehehe The Fly Lady would be so proud!
We rearranged three rooms completely, and also changed 4 lights that have desperately NEEDED it!
Yahooooo!
We purchased a new living room set, with a beautiful chair and ottoman, moved the current living set into a completely unused room and are making that into a kids TV room (close to the kitchen)moved that furniture (antiques - couch, two chairs, and desk - very beautiful - but not for a family room) into our bedroom, and hallway upstairs, and rearranged an area in our room that was being used as storage, and now is a reading nook, with that furniture.
The lights are wonderful! We removed one hanging one from the kids TV room and placed a cap on it, no overhead light now! (initally designed to be a dining room, but our kitchen is the open concept with no walls separating two rooms, and we have the dining table in it, with the family room off that straight ahead) and we replaced the over-the-sink one, the over-the-island one and the dining room table one.
I love, love, love them! It makes the whole room seem different, and prettier! YAY! And believe me, it has been loooooooong overdue! We have lived with these really ugly lights for, er, two years :-\.
I had been looking and looking for new lights, for about, oh, 2 years, and never found *just the right ones*. Then, yesterday, spur of the moment, I was in a store, looking for something else, and BINGO! there they were! (love that impulse buying thing, especially when it works out for the best!)
So, this rearranging is all on the heels of a massive clean sweep in the kids rooms, and our room.
Stuff clearing - mind cleansing - excess removing.
I just found some time to clear out "things". Big bags of good will things. Big bags of hand-me-downs to friends. Big bags of toys for our old pre-school.
I feel like I have a new house. :O) It is so cool.
I will get some pics posted soon ...... very soon.
Today, my dad is getting cable in the kids TV room so that's the adventure for the day. :O)
yahooooooooo!!!
I'm in the search for some more cleansing, so I need to find a needed area ..... :O) hehehehehehehe The Fly Lady would be so proud!
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Weird? Who's weird?
So, I've been tagged by my friend Kim and I wanted to play along. I don't necessarily find this stuff weird, but then again no one ever thinks they are weird themselves, right? :-)
So, here I go.
1. My dog, Cleo. She might be the weirdest thing I have ever seen. She is an almost 4 year old Cocker Spaniel, light beige/white in color. She lays ON our Chocolate Lab. I don't just mean lays on his front paws, and stretches out - no, I mean backs up, hikes her hind legs up and over his back, and lays on top of him. (her front paws around his belly, hind legs tucked under her on his back) He lets her. She sleeps there. All night.
2. My husband says it's weird that I can start a conversation with anyone. Anywhere. Anytime. And I am sincere, and jovial with them, often finding many similarities with that person. Just chatting.
(by the way, I don't find this weird, but rather friendly, if I say so myself) :)
3. I cannot go to bed if I feel the slightest bit grungy, or sweaty, without taking a shower. I will shower that night, sleep, and in the morning shower for the day, the next day.
4. I can't keep messages in my email inbox. I read them, reply, delete. I hate having "that much stuff waiting for me to get to it"
5. I could eat soup every day of the year. Pretty much any kind of soup.
So that's it. Not *that* wierd is it?
;o)
So, here I go.
1. My dog, Cleo. She might be the weirdest thing I have ever seen. She is an almost 4 year old Cocker Spaniel, light beige/white in color. She lays ON our Chocolate Lab. I don't just mean lays on his front paws, and stretches out - no, I mean backs up, hikes her hind legs up and over his back, and lays on top of him. (her front paws around his belly, hind legs tucked under her on his back) He lets her. She sleeps there. All night.
2. My husband says it's weird that I can start a conversation with anyone. Anywhere. Anytime. And I am sincere, and jovial with them, often finding many similarities with that person. Just chatting.
(by the way, I don't find this weird, but rather friendly, if I say so myself) :)
3. I cannot go to bed if I feel the slightest bit grungy, or sweaty, without taking a shower. I will shower that night, sleep, and in the morning shower for the day, the next day.
4. I can't keep messages in my email inbox. I read them, reply, delete. I hate having "that much stuff waiting for me to get to it"
5. I could eat soup every day of the year. Pretty much any kind of soup.
So that's it. Not *that* wierd is it?
;o)
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